On the verge of getting called into one myself. No formal contact yet, but I've been hearing rumblings.

Up till now on the outside I was the Peter Priesthood TBM, with closet doubts I didn't share with anyone. I technically am still Ward Mission Leader, but I've been hearing from the rumblings that the Bishop is eager for me to turn in my binder and church keys. Haven't been to church for 2 weeks now though I have the excuse that I was out of town last weekend and this weekend I took my brother to a hockey game.

As I've said on previous posts had a girlfriend in the ward for the last few months and we caved in and had sex for the first time for either of us. Made out like rabbits for about 2 weeks. And now last week she confessed to the Bishop and she'll be having her disciplinary council in the next little while. After she spoke with the Bishop she broke up with me via txt and I haven't spoken with her since. Just txts.

(Things probably could be fixed if we married, but after only 3 months of dating and my current financial condition I just wasn't comfortable making that decision and just wanted to continue our relationship. That was probably not good enough for her considering standard Mormon dating seems to be about getting engaged after 2-3 months of dating)

So I've got a looming court date ahead of me and since I'm an RM likely with the stake. I've still got a lot to muddle through in my head about myself and the church and was curious about the board's take on things.

If you don't believe in the church anymore, than the pending excommunication will just be a kangaroo court. You probably shouldn't even go. Doing so admits they have power over you in some way.

If you do believe, then this message board may not get you the answers you want to hear.

Good luck.

I have been on the bishopbric for these and the stake may have the bishopbric still handle it. Your bishop will call you in first to go over everything he has heard. They will review it and if there is a possibility that the outcome will be excommunication, you will go to the stake. If they feel like it will not be ex, then the stake will have the bishop handle it. Keep in mind that if the bishop handles it, you will not be exed, as a Mel Preisthood holder. But if you go to the stake, then they have already decided that ex could be one option and they are just looking to see how sorry you are and what you will do to turn away from this.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2011 10:45PM by lostmystic.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2011 11:09PM by lostmystic.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/20/2011 11:13PM by lostmystic.

Been there twice. First when my ex-wife and I were wanting to get married in the temple. We had engaged in premarital sex. There were a few diciplinary meetings, last of which was in front of about 9 men asking about every detail for hours...and I mean EVERY detail. We were put on probation. Totally humiliating experience.

Second time was after my divorce. I asked for the meeting for months to start the repentance process...stake prez refused to meet with me. Finally he told the branch prez to meet with me and his counselors and for them to decide my fate. I cared less at this point for I was beginning to have lots of doubt regarding the church. I told them about my numerous sexual exploits including 3-somes. They blushed and didn't ask for any details. I was disfellowshipped.

After I discovered the true history, beginning with the boa, I stopped believing and stopped attending. The worst part for me is that my reasons are discounted by everyone because they assume it was because of my chastity issues...but I'm now happily married and faithful.

Elder, Sorry all of this has happened and of course, you know whenever you are the subject of discussion. Nothing is wrong w/anything you have done. Obviously, you have great ethics, morals, values, etc. I thought the world of the missionaries who came by for app. 4 mos. I was aware of what they wanted is for me to join. I still thought they were nice and know you are, as well. Please, don't beat yourself up. IT appears to myself, that these church leaders have lots of control/power. Will be praying/thinking about you.

hear that you will be called into a court, resign.

Being exed is not the best alternative. The suits will not have your best interest at heart. Luv courts suck the BIG one!

I wish you well in your journey. I hope it involves exiting the Mormon church and never going back.

But your situation with your girlfriend has brought things to a head. Adult life is often like that. You feel forced into making a decsion before you are ready.

I think the first thing that you need to think through is if you would even *want* to go through a "court of love" should it come to that (and some board members will no doubt give you valuable, personal insight into that process.) If the decision of the COL is to disfellowship you, how would you feel and what would your next move be? If they excommunicate you, how would you feel and what would your next move be then?

Assume that everyone in your ward knows your personal business. How are they/will they react to that knowledge?

If you get the summons to the COL, would you be comfortable heading it off by handing the bishop your resignation? Or is it too soon for you to consider doing that?

Thoroughly think through each possible scenario, and you will have a better idea of how you should approach this.

One thing that I would like to add -- there are tons of very nice nevermo and exmo girls out there who would find your reasoning and actions sensible and who would not go running off to their bishops for sleeping with you. Just something to ponder.

I was dis-fellowshipped after leaving the church. I was a branch president and former member of the stake high council. I had an affair of the heart, which was enough to cause my wife to leave me, which is really what I wanted anyway. After she left, my G/F and I then took the relationship to the next level and had sex. It was all very surreal, as I was TBM at the time and suffered with extreme guilt over it. We subsequently broke up, and I basically hid from the church for the next couple of years. When things didn't go well for me, I became depressed and thought that things were so bad because of my being such a sinner, and that I really just needed to repent and get back to church. Which is exactly what I did. I went through the bishop's court and did everything according to the book, and eventually was restored to full fellowship. I had a calling, went to the temple, the whole nine yards. However, being divorced in Utah I found to be much harder than I thought. They were nice enough to me at church and all, but still I was a bit of an outcast, for in addition to being divorced, I was vegetarian and a somewhat liberal Democrat. I tried attending an older singles ward for about two years, but wow, what a messed up bunch of folks that was. And the bishopric treated us like we were 2 year-olds. Yuck. I finally quit going altogether, then eventually studied my way out. But I'm off-topic now.

Let me just say that I hope you can learn for yourself that the church is not true at all, and give up trying to conform. No one can make such decisions for you of course, and I have no desire to preach, but I just hope for your sake that you can discern the real from the pretend while you are still young. Good luck, and don't let anyone take your power from you.

RESIGN first thing in the morning!

Why would you put yourself through this crap for a cult that is based on a fake book?

Normal adults have sex.And it's no one else's business.

It would be the height of stupidity to marry a person you hardly know, or who runs to the bishop to turn you in.

First of all, do not give them control over you. Their purpose is to make you feel small and humiliate you in the "nicest possible way." If you accept that, then go ahead. If you deliver a resignation letter, they cannot legally excommunicate you. Take charge and fire them first. I sat on a couple in different wards. The decision has been made before you walk in.

My love court was the most humiliating day of my entire life. And all i got was formal probation.
That said, why would they hold a court? You haven't walked in and confessed to anything, and I recommend you don't.

I thought there had to be 2 or 3 witnesses, or something like that, before they could call someone to a court.

My friend's husband confessed to her that he was gay. She told the Bishop about it, and eventually managed to get a temple sealing cancellation because of it.

But when the Bishop called the husband in to ask him about it, he denied it, so the Bishop said unless he wanted to confess, there was nothing he could do about it.

Never went through one myself. Have heard of the many degrading and personal questions asked. If they called me to me to one..I would show up and tell them what a horny hottie she was. Explain all the nasty things and sexual positions in detail. Then get up and walk out,,never go back.

Your "girlfriend" is a real piece of work. Again, a case of her church being more important than anything and you being small in her life. I am sure they told her you were a bad influence and she needed to be rid of you. Resign before they can harrass you. Why does anyone put up with this???

If you are sorry for anything you did then there is one thing to do. Take it to God directly- not a bishop. I know Mormons don't get that but it sure helps soothe the soul and no one will ever make you out to be an awful person. It is between you and God - if you still believe in God. Mormons are such judges. Like they have the power or something.

I haven't been to a love court but I think my aged father would prefer that to me resigning. Resigning would mean to him that I rejected the eternal family and all that BS.

Plus then he could say that my sins finally caught up with me.

I've heard that if you don't show up for the court they automatically ex you. If it was me I wouldn't show up. After all I really don't care if I'm a member or not.

I accidentally posted this in the middle of the thread but here it is. I can't get it to move:

Been there twice. First when my ex-wife and I were wanting to get married in the temple. We had engaged in premarital sex. There were a few diciplinary meetings, last of which was in front of about 9 men asking about every detail for hours...and I mean EVERY detail. We were put on probation. Totally humiliating experience.

Second time was after my divorce. I asked for the meeting for months to start the repentance process...stake prez refused to meet with me. Finally he told the branch prez to meet with me and his counselors and for them to decide my fate. I cared less at this point for I was beginning to have lots of doubt regarding the church. I told them about my numerous sexual exploits including 3-somes. They blushed and didn't ask for any details. I was disfellowshipped.

After I discovered the true history, beginning with the boa, I stopped believing and stopped attending. The worst part for me is that my reasons are discounted by everyone because they assume it was because of my chastity issues...but I'm now happily married and faithful.

I went inactive at 18, with no intention of ever returning, and was in a relationship with a never mo. It ended in tears with me being pregnant despite b-c, and I ended up having to move in with my uber-tbm aunt.

My bishop at the time was a lovely man, who wasn't fussed that I was pregnant and unmarried, but 3/4 of the way through the pregnancy he was released and we got an uptight arsehole instead, who demanded that I be made an example of.

The court was scheduled for just after the end of my pregnancy, and when the baby was stillborn they still went ahead, and tried to insist on my attendence. I was disfellowshipped, and was told that had I attended, I would have been put on probation, but had the baby lived I would have been excommunicated and I should be grateful for their mercy.

They then wondered why I refused to attend. Bastards.


If I was the OP, I would resign and as quickly as possible. They will want ALL the juicy details, and won't be satisfied until they think they've broken you.

I recieved a letter asking me to attend a "court of love". By that time, I was so tired of having my life dictated by the church I didn't attend.

Why dignify a "dog & pony show"?

Oh btw, that was nearly 20 years ago & I'm so glad it happened..true freedom!

I'm guessing that when you get the summons to the disciplinary meeting that you will go. I think the first question for you to ask, before the proceedings start is:

'Christ taught an example about judging people, during which He asked ''Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone''. Bretheren, I am happy to be judged by those people here who are without sin. Would everybody else please leave.'

Hi,

I participated in more than 50 disciplinary counsels as a member of the Bishopric and Stake High Council. I am deeply ashamed that I did so.

They are designed to humiliate the 'sinner' and reinforce the power the church has over it's members.

If you don't believe in this church don't go - it's not an experience that will add value to your life.

I've never been to one but my brother finally related his story to me about a month ago (he would've gone through it about 10ish years ago).
I was disgusted that my little brother would have to go through such a thing. They wanted every detail, yes even "did you cum in her mouth" with his GF sitting right there.

I think it's horrible that people would subject themselves to this sort of circus. What happens in your bedroom is your business and you shouldn't have to relate details to a court of men staring down at you and wanting sick details. Why would anyone put themselves or anyone they love through something like that.

Don't go.