Posted by:
NOVAanon
(
)
Date: November 20, 2014 12:21PM
I received an email from my child's seminary teacher yesterday with suggestions of how to respond when teens have tough gospel questions. Mostly it was links to various recent conference talks, plus a reference to essays on lds.org.
Here is my response:
Thank you for bringing up this important and serious topic. I have been reading your emails about seminary with interest this year and ask you to please hear me out in return.
If we have children with tough questions about the gospel, the church or church history, it is likely they have already had access to information that does not come from one of the sources you have listed. Our kids are internet savvy and more information on church topics is readily available online than ever before. And it isn't just information, but other resources such as supportive online communities that seek to help those with doubts to transition out of Mormonism. These can feel like a godsend to someone struggling to reconcile different views of the church, but who is not getting straight answers from the church or its local leaders or even seminary teachers. (For example, why was the text of the D&C retrofitted to match later doctrinal changes, but my seminary teacher didn't tell me about that?)
Helping our children should start by understanding what they are going through and what they may go through as they navigate, define their faith and perhaps even leave Mormonism behind. They can easily find themselves in a gut-wrenching, confusing, emotionally isolated, betrayed position, conflicted between being true to themselves/acting with integrity and honoring their parents and faith community. It's brutal. I attended a professional leadership training recently where the instructor asked what is the most painful thing a human can experience, worse than torture. The answer was "disfellowshipment or excommunication from their tribe". We are social beings and our kids can end up in extreme pain by either finding themselves on the outside of the church or sensing the possibility of ending up on the outside.
First hand accounts, even from teens, are available from several sources such as the Mormon Stories podcast series for those seeking to understand the emotional side. It's worth your time to hear how people are experiencing this. I read this new, very well written blog today / that doesn't get into controversial issues, but is more a powerful expression of the emotions involved in questioning Mormonism. Here's a link with a brief post by a teen contemplating suicide and reaching out for help.
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1389328,1389856#msg-1389856It might be instructive to read through the type of advice given on forums like exmormon.org to these teens in heartbreaking circumstances. What support will our children get from us in the middle of these difficulties? Can they trust us to hear and understand them, to not coerce them, to not shun or threaten them, to remain emotionally connected and supportive? If not, they will be compelled to turn elsewhere.
For those wondering what is out there, a few minutes with Google is all you need, but there are some specific resources your teens will easily find that compile most of the issues in very compelling and articulate ways (often with sources documented for those who fear rumors of the internet). Here is a list of some:
Church supportive:
www.fairmormon.org - FAIR is a group of LDS defenders of the faith, so to say, who write often with a scholarly tone.
www.mormonessays.com - links to the church's very own responses to some topics on lds.org, the essays can be difficult to find on lds.org, so this site was created to put links to all of the essays in one place.
Questioning Members
www.mormonthink.com - run by members, attempts to give LDS view and opposing view of several topics. Mostly sides with the opposing view.
www.feministmormonhousewives.org - the name sort of says it. Your teen may find the people here very sincere and may identify with the views, since those views come closer to the views of our children's social environment.
Critical, from former members
www.cesletter.com - questions originally written to a CES Director when a returned missionary was struggling with several issues.
Richard Packham's website. He is an exmormon atheist, very well informed, would be considered by most Mormons to be a classic anti-Mormon.
www.utlm.org - the infamous Tanner's website. Also would be considered by any active Member to be anti. But teens will notice some vindication going on as the Church admits that much of the information published by the Tanners over the years is in fact true. And that is difficult to make sense of, if our teens discover it.
Other Sources
youtube - lot's of different things from instructional, experiential to straight up mockery.
News outlets - many issues are actually hitting the headlines nowadays and teens may see these or be asked about them by friends.
As a person who has had his whole world turned upside down after concluding the church cannot be what it claims, I can relate and empathize with any questioning person. Feel free to contact me any time for any support you may need or to find out about support resources available here locally or online.
One last thought. The allegory about the seed of faith in Alma works just as well with doubts. Once doubts are planted, they can grow, especially if nourished by new information and supportive communities. As they grow and sprout, the fruits (such as intellectual honesty) can indeed be delicious. Your children may ultimately find it the preferred tree. Please love and support them anyway. Don't be condescending or patronizing. There is a dangerous potential to break apart families over these issues and that is a tragedy that may be avoided. I hope it will be.
All the best,
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/30/2014 06:00PM by Susan I/S.