Just a heads up, this post might contain extreme anger and some strong language.

I'm a 28 year old male, born and raised TBM in a part of Idaho that might as well be northern Utah. I am also a virgin, despite the general consensus that I'm an attractive guy. Naturally, masturbation and porn have been part of my life since my early teens. So basically, my whole life I have been told (implicitly) that my desire for sex means that I am evil.

I first went to a non-LDS college, where I stopped going to church, drank my fair share of alcohol, and smoked more than my fair share of weed. After 3 semesters I returned home prodigal-son-style. Soon after, I felt something positive while reading the BoM, and it was all downhill from there. I suspended disbelief on EVERYTHING that was questionable with TSCC by telling myself "BoM + positive feeling = church is true, no matter what." Went on a mission to Mexico at 21, and I'm still proud that I had enough self control to not masturbate during that time. I had always been kind of reserved and shy though, so approaching random strangers was really hard for me. It wasn't until just a few months ago that I realized I have mild Asperger's Syndrome. This natural reluctance to interact with strangers made me feel like a constant failure, and basically a weak-faithed piece of shit. Halfway through I had a phone interview with an SLC shrink who put me on an anti-depressant.

After my mission, I went to BYU-I, and you already know the bullshit I was fed there. The whole time I never felt that I was good enough. Some girls even outright told me that I was not "spiritual" enough for them. Depression got worse, and I was also diagnosed with ADD and prescribed cheap amphetamines. After three years of unqualified assholes playing roullette with my meds, I was kicked out (grades) and almost killed myself.

I did the singles branch thing, and at one point I felt that I had all of my spiritual ducks in a row. Girls still told me that I was nice guy, but that I didn't meet one or more of the criteria on their fantasy checklists. Church, institute, dating, it all continued to make me feel worthless. A little over a year ago I went inactive, but still identified myself as LDS. The part that really got me was how my family started commenting that I was a lot happier, and seemed at peace with myself. They had no idea that I didn't go to church anymore, and even thought that I was happy because I was getting MORE involved in church! About 4 months ago I finally took an objective look at church history, and Joseph Smith and Brigham Young in particular. And, well you know the rest.

I'm now diagnosed with social anxiety as well, and taking 3 meds every day. Luckily, I found a doctor that knows what he's doing, and we found a cocktail that works for me. I haven't brought up Asperger's with him yet. The DSM-V is absorbing it into Autism Spectrum Disorder, so I'm going to wait until those diagnostic criteria are published. Though I do believe that it explains a lot of things that were mis-diagnosed as depression, ADD, and anxiety.

Despite having no degree, I now have a very good and stable job, and I just bought a house. (So all those girls who said that I couldn't provide for a family without a degree? Fuck you, enjoy your food stamps.)

I feel like most things in my life are in order right now, except for sexuality. So far, I've only had 2 sexual experiences. One of them stopped just short of intercourse, and left me feeling kind of raped (the irony here is that I met that girl through an LDS dating site). Now that the church is not part of my life, I have decided that there is no reason I should not work for a healthy sex life. There's one woman in particular with whom I can see an actual relationship (sex and all) on the horizon. The problem? When I realized that I might actually have sex (rather than just fantasizing about it) I had a genuine fucking panic attack! I attribute the panic attack more to TSCC's sexual repression than to previous sexual experiences. So here's the question: how does one overcome sexual repression after so many years?

If anybody has a perspective that includes Asperger's, that would be extra helpful. For those unfamiliar with it, what it boils down to is that I have difficulty with social interaction. Specifically, I have a hard time learning and reading body language, subtle hints, and most non-verbal cues. I'm not completely oblivious, but it takes deliberate effort to learn how to read people. Eye contact also tends to be uncomortable for me. Think of Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, and then dial his eccentricities back a bit.

Anyway, any advice, resources, or general support is very much appreciated. Thanks!

I would say just go for it with the girl you have in mind. I know that's easier said than done though. There are other Asperger patients that post here so I'm sure they'll post with some good advice.

TSCC ruins people sexually. It really makes me mad because it's something so natural. Or should be anyway. I'm glad you at least masturbate lol

Me; I've been celibate for over a quarter of a century. I liked sex back when I was married but I'm terrified of diseases, have a strong aversion to being touched (only people who know me really well have permission to touch me) and, frankly, find the act itself intellectually "icky". (Meaning, the feelings are pleasurable but thinking about it tends to bring up an ick factor for me.) I think I have Asperger's myself but the odds of me getting diagnosed with it are slim to none at my age.

Maybe a sex therapist could help you? Teach you the rules and the ins and outs of the non-verbal communication part?

And don't forget to be "safe" when you break through the anxiety barrier.

I would bring up the panic attack with your physician and see what he says.

I think you would find that there are a lot of kind and understanding nevermo and exmo women out there. Don't stress about sex. Sex is easy. Let an experienced woman take the lead. She will help you. You'll get the hang of it.

Start out with the aim of just relaxing. Enjoy a mutual massage, or a hot tub, or a shower together. Take it from there.

Keep in mind that the Mormon church makes sex into a very big deal when it really isn't. It's just sex, a natural and normal activity for human adults. You will come to see this given enough time. Be patient with yourself. Be kind to yourself. You were meant to be happy.

I hear you.

I lost the girl of my dreams because I didn't have sex with her. And she was literally throwing the opportunity at me, many times. But it was too big of a leap for me and felt wrong.

Only shortly after, a bishop told me that the reason I couldn't believe was because of sexual sin. He deemed me a non-worthy Mormon.

And he told me that people make up problems like the Book of Abraham because they want to sleep with other women.

And that people believe what they want to believe.

After that, I realized that most Mormon bishops don't have the Spirit and went into total inactivity and resigned.

Names are significant. Consider that LDS is so similar to LSD. Maybe God planned it that way. A little LDS will probably give you some useful messages, but a lot of LDS will really mess up your head.

At some point you have to stop dropping LDS and clean yourself up.

I'm a Aspie. I went through a lot of the feelings you have. I always felt different. I was diagnosed at 30. I'm female, now 38. I take meds. They help. I'm so happy now. I told my mom there is no place in Mormonism for me. Mormonism made me almost suicidal. I thought I was a worthless piece of shit not worthy to be on earth. I'm out of Mormonism, I'm a very spiritual person and now even consider myself a part the universe. I find even the most simplest things make me happy.

I have always been a very open minded person, even for an Aspie. So I guess I was blessed with the best smarts that God could bestow on a person. Cheers!

Prescription: Donna's Ranch or Bella's Hacienda Ranch. Wells, Nevada. Enjoy.

+1

I'm kind of old fashioned when it comes to sex and love. My suggestion would be to simply continue getting to know this girl and explore developing a strong emotional bond with her. If you do that, you and she will both know when the time is right and sex will happen naturally as a result of that bond.

My son is high functioning autistic, which is slightly different from Aspbergers. My husband does have Aspbergers, but because he is aware of it, he is able to concentrate harder on his personal relationships.

As far as Aspbergers and depression are concerned, if you have been diagnosed with Aspbergers previously, I would bring it up with your current doctor at your next visit. I doubt that any of your medication will change. Aspbergers is mainly a learning disability. My son has had issues with reading and his Special Ed teacher has been fantastic with giving him the tools he needs to be successful. With Aspbergers students, it is all about finding ways to teach them rather than berating them for not learning the way everyone else does.

If you do still have a desire to go back to school at some point, it is never too late! Simply let your instructors know what your learning gaps are so they can help you. With your full time job, there may even be a tuition reimbursement benefit if the degree program you decide to pursue is job related.

(Can you tell I'm a college professor? LOL)

You seem like a great young man. Please keep us informed of your progress with your girlfriend and your job. You deserve to be happy.

I have no advice but I am pulling for you, you can do it :)

My experience was actually opposite with the whole diagnosis thing. I was almost diagnosed with Asperger's when I actually have ADD. People really don't get it though when other people have problems like that and it can be very frustrating so I do understand that very well.

I would be open about having Asperger's with a potential partner. I have Asperger's myself, and it helps heaps that my husband understands my quirks. I strongly suspect he is on the spectrum himself (there is some research showing Aspie women tend to end up with guys with Aspie traits). If you do link up with another Aspie, think very carefully about having kids. Our second boy is low functioning autistic and is a lot of hard work.

When the new DSM V comes out, the Aspeger diagnosis will be removed and folded into "autism". Milder cases of Aspergers won't qualify any more as the traits in question must be causing actual problems to the person, not just be "oddities". If you are getting medication for symptoms, you likely will qualify for a diagnosis under the new system.

Thanks for all the advice and support everybody. There were a lot of good comments. I've brought up Asperger's with her once before. She didn't really know much about it, but said that she already understood my personality and quirks pretty well. So that did help me relax a bit more around her. Thanks again for your input, I'll be sure to let you know how things go. I'm feeling pretty confident and optimistic though.
And there's always Nevada... ;)

Most people with Asperger's have normal sex drives, but a huge percentage of asexuals also have Asperger's and I'm one of them.

The difficult thing for me was being in an organization which pushed one to get married and have a bazillion children.

I kept trying to convince myself that I could get married, but as it turned out, I never even went on a date in my life (and I'm now 54).

But it sure helped me to feel like a square peg walking around in a world filled with round pegs. I never did quite fit in.

When my nephew was diagnosed with Asperger's, my sister got a book on it, to understand what he would be dealing with. I read it too and it explained so much about my life. My sister had seen that too and gone, "Wow, this is my sister."

But it said that folks with Asperger's usually didn't marry and if they did, they often ended up getting divorced because they just can't understand the dynamics of a couples relationship.

Society seems to have these "games people play" with subtle nuances including flirting, etc. which are just alien to me. I'm blunt and up front and I don't play games. A guy told me I had to play the games, or I'd never get together with anyone. Oh well. I'm not a games player, so I guess I'm just not relationship material (that was before I figured out that I was an asexual).

Anyway, that's my experience. It definitely is tougher navigating romantic relationships when you're an Aspie. It doesn't help when the Mormon Church comes along and messes things up even worse.

Everyone in this world has something about themselves that causes them trouble. Asperger's is just our thing to deal with. It can be managed and the older you get, the more you learn how to deal with different social situations.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I'm sure it will get better. At least you're trying, which is more than I ever got the courage to do.

Try listening to Mormon Expression podcast. I highly recommend the older John Larson MEs, not so much the new ones. You have a hard row to hoe. Just don't give up & accept you have a long journey ahead.

I highly recommend Recovering Agency by Luna Lindsey.

You should be proud of yourself for managing to navigate through and out of Mormonism into a productive, happier life. Well done!

I've known some people with Aspergers. I advise being completely honest with your doctor, and girlfriend. Tell your doc if you have any OCD issues also-they need as much info as possible to help you.

Ask your girlfriend to help put you at ease; most women like to help. Consider if she will be staying over, or not. If staying over is too much intimacy at first, be clear in advance so her feelings are not hurt. (You don't want to begin with misunderstandings, or unrealistic expectations...) Focus on pleasing her, and that will keep you in the moment and less self-conscious. If things don't go as planned, simply suggest that practice makes perfect (not Mormon-perfect).

Finish your degree. You are eligible for assistance and extra help (sometimes additional time, tutors...) Everyone has hindrances; some are simply more apparent than others.

Return if you need encouragement. Good luck!

Sometimes we forget that this is water.

I'm smiling. Thank you for that.

Good luck with getting help. I really hope you make and I'm glad you are happier outside the church.

My son was diagnosed with autism and given his sensitive personality and his eagerness to please, I can just imagine how much the TSCC will mess with his head when he is older and exploring his world and sexuality.

I sat him down the other day and told him the church wasn't true and the Book of Mormon is made up lies. He was a bit shocked, I used to tell him the opposite. But I really want to protect him from those vultures forcing him to go on a mission and then pressuring him to get married.

Reading your story makes me sad and I'm sorry you went through this.

I'm a mild aspie, mature in years. The things I wish I knew when I was your age! At 28, you've had a collection of good and not-so-good growing experiences, but you're at a good point to get your life in gear, be happy, and achieve even more.

My Asperger's kept me on the sidelines of good relationships all through my youth. OLDER women said I'd make a great husband, but I just didn't connect with younger ones, and was swamped in the negativity that really great girls were for "other guys."

My solution was a kind of cradle robbing: I married at 36 to a girl 21 who was impressed with my worldly sophistication. She didn't pick up on my immaturity and aspie-unsophistication. I'm happy to report the marriage has worked well for a few decades. A lot of its success is because we are both religiously (not LDS) committed. That helped us through the rough spots.

It's important that your prospective sweetheart know about your condition and the additional risks and problems. My wife, for example, knows to help me connect names and faces, and remind me of how we know people. Sometimes she gives me an alert that I'm annoying a person or something. You and your gf will need to be overly explicit in explaining what you are each feeling, wanting, and needing.

I want to take vigorous exception to Bradley's suggestion of LDS. Drugs and alcohol are ways to escape these problems, not solve them. "Under the influence," you may think you're "opening up;" you are, in fact, doing just the opposite. I speak from personal experience. And I also doubt that a visit to a whore house will help you in the long run. Sex and emotional commitment are profoundly intertwined for people like us.

If your relationship with this lady progresses (good luck!), consider reading, together, "The Four Love Languages," which will help you understand that people communicate their emotional needs differently, and to avoid lack of, or ineffective, emotional and intimate communication.

The only differences in my story from yours is that it is part of the state of Arizona that might as well have been Northern Utah. Instead of Asperger's it's just ADD and social anxiety, and instead of panic attacks the thought of an actual sexual encounter just turns me off.

Other than that, bro... I feel you.

BYU-Idaho (still)

Scant romantic experiences.

Love/hate relationship with self ever since I had my 12 year old interview and lied to the bishop about masturbating.

One of the greatest resources I can send your way is this: https://www.dropbox.com/s/klq4ccyfeahrfgm/mormon_masturbation.pdf?dl=0

It takes time to begin to undo the mindfucking, but it will happen as you shamelessly educate yourself about it. You also need to learn to enjoy your solitary sexual experiences without guilt. You are not doing this *instead* of looking for a woman, you are doing this so that *when* you have a sexual encounter with a real person, it can be something you naturally know how to share with each other. No two people can have a great sexual experience together who have kept their sexual desire down with a sense of shame anytime it gets excited.

You need to know that no one in the outside world is as obsessed with sex as mormons are. That sounds ironic, I know, but think about it. Don't think about a large pink elephant! The harder you try to not think about something, the more you think about it. Normal people just allow their sexual desires to move them as any other emotion or drive moves them. Of course there are socially acceptable boundaries, especially legal boundaries, but the list of people who turn into pillaging, raping Vandals because they stopped "bridling their passions" is very short and the only people on it are sociopaths or psychopaths who would have done that sort of shit anyway.

You are normal. You are not alone. You are not the first one the Morg has done this to. Unfortunately, you will not be the last, either. Take the time to ask questions and get answers. There is no investment of time that isn't worth getting your mental health and happiness back.

It is not advisable to make 'having the sex' a goal to strive for. Rather, it should be a side effect of becoming emotionally entangled with a person you really feel great affection for. As you become trusting and trusted in a relationship, you may increase the levels of intimacy, go with your feelings and your partner's cues. None of it should be forced or contrived. You should have enough trust in each other that you can advance and retreat without fear or embarrassment. If it doesn't happen during an encounter, it's okay, there's time to learn what your partner enjoys or is not interested in pursuing intimately.

On the other hand, if your goal is solely to put your little guy in some place warm and moist, there are people who will take care of that for a fee.

The former is recommended for full physical and emotional fulfillment, the latter will get the job done physically...