So I was on FB and I was reading the comments on a really cute cake that my younger TBM sister had commented on. It was a "lamb" cake that had been turned into a little white fluffy dog cake. It was super cute. Anyway, the cake has two candles in it and the mom is excited that her daughter is two. Then one of her other TBM friends says out of nowhere on this thread about the cake and the B-day, "Time for another..."

The original poster responded with, "in a little while, I can't be prego again on a cruise and we are doing one in jan."

This is just sick. So her child is two and it is someone else's business to state that it is time to pop out another. That is nobody's damn business except for the mother and the father that have to raise said future child. Holy crap I am just disgusted by all the TBM stupidity I am surrounded by in Idaho... I got a lot of this same pressure, but I never fell for it. I have a super cute 13 yo step son and a soon to be 6 yo daughter and everyone nagged me to have more. I am glad that I stopped when I felt I should. Nobody should feel pressure from others "to have another". (end rant)

"What? Ya mean time for another cake? Oh, so you want me to get all fat, huh? I mean you MUST be talkin about the cake, right? Because I KNOW you wouldn't be so rude as to make a comment about my fecundity on a Facebook blog!"

"So, about that cake............................."

"When are you going to have another baby?" Only at church and from family members though. Who else would be so rude?

I had a TBM friend just blog about how she is feeling guilty for not being pregnant right now. SHe has 4 kids already. The thing is, in a previous post she was complaining about her grocery budget and how it never seems like enough to feed her family.

Um, WTF? You're feeling guilty about NOT being pregnant when you're struggling to feed the ones you do have?

Mormon insanity.

And yes, the lack of boundaries about this topic is so irritating. I get shit all the time from TBMs when I tell them we are done having children (we have 2).

My SIL is preggo with her 3rd. She keeps trying to guilt us into having another. Yeah, not happening. And it's none of her business to begin with anyway.

who had 5 or 6 kids and was constantly moaning about how she couldn't get preg and she was trying SO hard. Her screen name was MTarms, fer crying out loud. She was one who told my mom she was doomed to hell for not having kids because of the bible in 1 timothy 2 someplace where it says women are saved by child-bearing or some such crap.

I wanted to go and rip her smug face right off with my powerful sharp weiner dog fangs.

**sigh** everyone just uses Timothy.

Timothy

Poor old misquoted, taken out of context Timothy! Leave it to the Mormons to misinterpret the Bible to require perpetual pregnancy of women of child-bearing years.

I am The StalkerDog™

NOT

The SpammerDog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a friend that isn't even Mo, but constantly has people asking her when she's having another. Her first child will be one NEXT MONTH! I suggested she respond with "Wow, it's amazing how many people are interested in my sex life". She said she was going to use it next time someone asked. Sheesh!

DH and I waited seven years before having kids. A TBM neighbor kept asking us when we were going to get started. She managed to work in some reference to our childless state into EVERY conversation. Jeeezzz, this woman bugged us more than our own mothers.

One day DH had enough. When she asked again "when are you going to get busy and have kids?" He responded very quietly: "Well, we had three......but the judge took them away."

Took care of that.

I have just one son, and when he was little, some people told me I had to have more children, or he would suffer somehow. Now he's in college and I'm able to help him with his costs because my own costs are so low.

Better one happy person than seven miserable ones.

About 8 years ago, a TBM friend invited me to his wedding in his parents' back yard. They did go to the temple a year later, but this was just a civil ceremony conducted by the bishop.

I was 3 months postpartum with my son. He was our first, and only child. I was 35 at the time.

The groom's mother, two sisters AND two of his female friends all grilled me separately about when I was going to have the second. At the time, I didn't know that DS would be an only child, but knew it was a likely reality for us. So, I told them I wasn't in any hurry for more. The pregnancy had had complications. I was old. Etc....They all boldly proclaimed these to be poor, selfish excuses. It was at this point that I remembered how much I disliked his family. :)

The funniest part, though, was that each one of them, when I explained this was my first child, immediately said "Oh, did you and DH have fertility problems?"

Not unless you considered birth control a fertility "problem". DH and I do not!

I've been told by well meaning church members that I'm going directly to hell for only having two children and getting my tubes tied. I figure hell with two will be better than heaven with ten. We're having a party and inviting all of our other hell-bound friends, wanna come?

I used to get "When are you getting married and going to settle down" all the time too. No one's business but mine, and at 51 stil single and doomed in the eyes of some I am sure.

Yeah, I always sat with the row of old maids, and widows.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/22/2011 09:31PM by Greyfort.

And I would love to ask her all sorts of nosy questions. But, I wouldn't. I'm sure all the lovely members of her ward take care of that.

comes from folks who celebrate and love children.
It is often cultural/religious, but not necessarily.

on the "when are you going to have a baby?" i used to play dumb: "oh, we already had our baby, see her here on my hip? she's 6 months old now isnt she darling?"

they would always look confused.

our children are 4 years apart and we have never regretted it, we thoroughly enjoyed each babyhood & toddlerhood of our gorgeous children. when we were expecting our second i was at a baby shower for another friend who was having their second and the group was chatting about this & that and i said quietly to someone, "this is our last so if we have a boy we will have to give the baby girl stuff away..." the entire group stopped mid-sentences and one idiot who was pregnant with #5 despite having nearly bled to death with #4 13 months earlier was shouting: "omg you are only having 2 children??" i was stunned & had no response. my pregnant friend who's shower it was (bishops wife btw) stood up & said, "actually this is our last one too." everyone shut up after that and changed the subject.

dont mess with bishops wife ya'll.

They started on me about two months after I got married....

I made the mistake of wearing a slightly bigger dress to church and one of the members went and congratulated my husband!

(we were no where NEAR ready to start trying to have a baby!)

Rude rude rude...

It is horribly rude and presumptuous. I think that some TBM women think that having more children as fast as possible, is some sort of sick race to the celestial kingdom.

doesn't just CALL people on it.

as in . . . . .

"excuse me???????"

"Oh, my husband and I will just see when we're in the mood for making another one . . . should we CALL you and tell you? Would you like to contribute to our KY fund?"

" . . . and this is your concern because . . . . ?"

"I think my fertility is a private matter"

"I'm surprised you feel comfortable asking such an invasive question".

"When we are ready to make that a public decision, we'll invite all the people who have an opinion on it over for a vote . . . okay?"

..."We'll let you know when we have some happy news to share." Even if the only happy news that you eventually plan on sharing is that you're taking a vacation to Europe.

When I was a TBM (and trying for years to get pregnant) I actually got these questions less often than after I resigned and finally gave birth to my son. Maybe it was because people were sensitive that if a couple had been married longer than 2 years (haha) and childless, they were likely infertile (although of course not always true).

I get asked all the time at school from my classmates if I want to have more kids or when I want to have another. I realize they are just being chatty and trying to acknowledge that I am a parent and showing interest. So they don't bother me, especially because it's coming from 20 something single people.

I think TBMs ask these questions to gauge how serious other mormons take the prophet's "counsel".