Posted by:
peculiargifts
(
)
Date: November 23, 2014 05:07PM
Well ---
First, about the example that you gave --- I can get that your neighbor might feel sad that you didn't tell her what was going on right away. People like to feel that they are on the inside track with others. But it also seems like she over-reacted a whole lot. I can't remember the number of times that someone has caught me off guard on a subject that was, at the time, a difficult one for me to talk about. Sometimes you think of the right thing to say, in the moment, and sometimes you don't. That's true for everyone I've ever met.
We are taught by society to answer "how's-it-going?" questions in a positive way, regardless of the real situation. Few people are uniformly honest with those questions. People who actually tell you exactly how they are feeling when you say, "Hi, how are you?" are often seen as being weird.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Rotten! I've got a splitting headache, I just found out that my husband/wife is cheating on me, and you just splashed mud on my shoes. Those are new shoes and I hate it when people mess up my new things."
"Oh, sorry that I asked."
You can bother others just as much by giving a too-honest answer as by giving a less-than-honest answer. So just work on letting it go --- let it go --- let it go....
About lying --- ideally, in a totally perfect world, with perfectly clear values and all people perfectly in harmony with their values and each other --- no-one should have to lie about anything.
On the other hand, real life is nothing like that. Some times being absolutely, brutally honest is very difficult. And it can do more harm than good. >In some situations.<
In other situations, you can really harm people by withholding the full truth. For example, the situation where the Mormon Church is now (and seems to have always been). If you are lying in order to control others and enrich yourself, that's not a good thing.
My own viewpoint is to try to do more good than harm, and so --- life gets complicated at times. I can't see any useful rules to follow, except:
Try, on the balance, to do more good than harm. It won't always work out perfectly. And sometimes, it's really hard to figure out. So, don't bludgeon yourself, or anyone else, who seems to be trying to do good, but is not always totally perfect. Save the condemnation for those who are deliberately hurting others in order to rule and get rich.