Posted by:
ExMoBandB
(
)
Date: November 24, 2014 04:33AM
My TBM family was dysfunctional, too. I was tortured and bullied by my older brother, until I left home the day after high school graduation. My parents were punitive and cold. I have PTSD, and saw a psychiatrist. I don't think I would have recovered without therapy. I hope you are under a doctor's care right now.
I often wonder who I would have been, had I been loved and nurtured. Hard work and success has produced a small amount of confidence and self-esteem, but I will probably never feel really good about myself. Never. Even so, I am now a very happy person. Leaving the cult was one of the most positive life choices I ever made. My children left with me.
Breaking the cycle of abuse was another positive step. I made sure my children were loved, listened to, protected from my abusers, and allowed to be free and think for themselves. You should treat yourself like your own child. This can be fun! Comfort yourself, appreciate that you have survived, realize that you are now taking good care of yourself.
Maybe you could start by doing what you say you want to do--rest. Just rest. Get the sleep you need. Give yourself a vacation at home, for a few days. Solitude is nice, but maybe you need contact with others right now. Call some old (non-Mormon) friends, write e-mails, post on here.
Exercise.
Your name is "Mr. Coffee." Perhaps you drink too much caffeine. I used to drink a lot of Coke, but quit for many years, now when I drink caffeine, it triggers a full-blown anxiety attack. It also interferes with sleep. It's hard to give up caffeine, but if you cut it in half for 4 days, than cut it in half again for 4 more days, and keep going until it's gone, you won't have very bad withdrawals. My doctor told me to do this, and it worked.
Part of nurturing yourself, is taking charge of your own life. Cut off all contact (at least for now) from the most abusive family members. Decide how YOU are going to deal with them, and set boundaries.
This world has a lot to offer you! You have a lot to offer the world, and to us here at RFM. You really are not alone.