Posted by:
Recovered Molly Mo
(
)
Date: November 27, 2015 10:40PM
My BF found out he has serious health issue. He finally told me and said he will be taking some time with his friends and family close to a hospital and to reevaluate his health and priorities.
I understand completely how serious it is (I work in the medical field) and know how he needs to take this time to figure out what is going on and what his treatment plan will be.
I am also seriously crushed, because he and I have been talking about a future we might not get...and he pushed me away a little. I know he is scared and I feel terribly selfish to be wondering what about US?
I am scared too. I finally met someone I want to plan a future with. He started to cry and tell me how much he loved me and wish he met me 30 years ago while he had more time...
Nothing has been determined yet and I know he is being fatalistic. I tried to give him the peace that he needs..that no matter what his choice regarding "US" I will support him in his health crisis.
He started to cry again and ask me how I could love a man with (specific health issue) and I said..."It's still you. It's still me". He said that he already knew my answer before I spoke it.
I know he loves me. I love him.
Why does it feel like I need to prepare myself for another huge loss in my life?
Im scared. So scared right now. Im bracing that he is going to end our relationship. I know he doesn't want to, but I am wondering if its going thru his head that it's what is best. (Lose a bf before being a widow) And yes, if I could only be a widow a few months to the man I loved..I would.
I want to do whatever I can for him, if he will let me. He is going thru so many emotions right now and feeling like he is letting me down. I feel like Im failing him by not being stronger. (I had to walk out of a room and cry it out, when I walked back he said..don't hide it ok?)
So crushed and now just taking it day by day.
RMM