So I see a lot of posts from people who are "long time readers, first time poster" or who DO post, but RARELY.

Not that there's anything wrong with not posting, but WHY???

I guess I can see why if you are afraid of somehow getting caught by a TBM but other than that why?

I can't resist posting. I think I posted the first day I came across this board. I find the topics fascinating and I can't help but "putting in my two cents worth" and sharing my opinion and experience in Mormonism.

How do you resist not posting?!

I think I lurked for about a year before I jumped in and posted something. I don't know, I guess some of us are leery of putting ourselves out there.

I seldom resist a one-liner or sarcastic comment.

Once in a while, though, I get real.

When I post, I usually screw up what I mean to say and I look like an idiot. (I'm not used to posting on forums and have some social anxiety.)

Ookami Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> When I post, I usually screw up what I mean to say
> and I look like an idiot. (I'm not used to posting
> on forums and have some social anxiety.)

Hit "Preview" and see how your post will look. Leave it alone for a few minutes, then come back and re-read it. You may notice a way to make your point more clear and concise, fix grammar and punctuation, and then "Post Message."

And you can always reconsider it completely and simply delete the whole thing. Nothing wrong with that, either!

I'm not a fan of comments unless they add to the discussion. Often, another poster will say what I would say, and the addition of a "+1" or somesuch seems to me a waste of bandwidth.

Plus, my comments seem to be thread killers. Watch. Mine will probably be the last post in this thread.

When I've started threads, they also disappear quickly.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2014 02:54PM by oxymormon.

+1

Haha. Just kidding.

It's the year 2014, so bandwidth shouldn't be an issue for most folks. ;-)

Other than that, I'm with you on thread killing.

+1

I have an issue with keeping my mouth shut and it seems like I am a conversation killer both online and in real life. Oh well.

I think you always have something interesting to say.

+1

I'm on here almost everyday checking periodically while at work. I'll only post if there's something I can add or want to share something. But I only discovered this site a few months ago.

I've been here for a long time... since around 2002 or 2003, I think. But I think I lurked until 2004 because as a nevermo, I didn't think I had anything to add. Also, some folks can be rather aggressive... and I ran into that a few times when I was first hanging out here. It can be intimidating. Most of the people who ever gave me trouble are long gone, though.

For me it is the same as Ookami. And I have been here for over ten years. At the moment my mind is so full of the problems and challenges I have in my life, that I can't even find the mental concentration necessary to post something meaningful, and in a language that is not mine, but I still like to visit here almost every day.

Seek not to declare the word, but first seek to obtain the word...then shall your tongue be loosed.

I lurked here for about 9 months. Didn't post because I wasn't sure I agreed with the level of snark on here ("Will I fit in if I don't just post about how 'mindless' TBMs are?"). Realized it was a stupid excuse for me. Started posting. Been fun so far :)

We might not hear from you often, but you contribute in spirit by reading and being here in the same way an audience improves the experience for other audience members and the performers on stage.

Many times I've been trying to make a point and a lurker comes forward to help or to defend what I'm trying to say. For that I am grateful and I appreciate those who read and benefit from the experience.




That's what RfM is about: Knowing no one is alone in their experience and recovery. That idea has always been a comfort to me and I think to most others who come here.

Lurkers are people too, I say!

Nobody needs to justify why they lurk or post here so I hope nobody's comments make anybody feel that way. I know it's no fun to wince when you read certain comments because I too sometimes feel sensitive about remarks I read here re converts when some posters say how stupid or worthless they are. I am one, not BIC, a fact which I could not help, except that is untrue according to Mormon doctrine - I must have been bad in the PE - really bad as I'm not BIC and not American.

We are not all the same. This fact seems a hard one for some people to get their head around due to having been sunk into Mormonism for a long time or during their formative years.

This "ship" and all who sail in her, in whatever mode, benefits from our differences as much as our similarities. I hope there is something here for most people, whether they post prolifically or lurk assiduously.

Hopefully, nobody feels pressured, even in their own privacy, to justify themselves. We had enough of that while Mormon. No?

Also, sometimes a simple question can really hit the mark and feel like a piercing arrow to a reader or poster. I don't blame the question-poser for that. Or maybe a bit if they seem to be insensitive. But then I can usually overlook that too. We're all still learning to sail is the way I look at it and we're all subject to making mistakes. It's good to have company along the way. It's especially good to come across those who understand our own positions and experiences. Like minds. Nothing like it!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/11/2014 04:23PM by Nightingale.

There seems to me to be a process that happens when you begin to leave the church. At first you feel like it's a sin to even type ex-mormon.org then to indulge and read any of the postings is like a 12 year old deacon looking at porn. Then when you realize it's all a bunch of bs you begin to read more and more (lurk) then when you are no longer afraid you begin to post. It took me about 6-8 months before I posted anything. I don't care who knows now. I spoke with my bishop about my doubts and told him everything and he just listened and said he still needed me to help as much as I could. I could see that they aren't out to get me out of the church but just out to get me to help them. I no longer feel guilt when I don't go help. It does take some time from when you first see the optical illusion for what it is though. Good luck to any who are skeptical to post. It makes you feel powerful when you first start posting. It is power to make your own choices and think for yourself.

That's one of the really good things about this forum -- you can "recover" any way you want to. Some do it by posting their anger frequently. Some do it with witty occasional one-liners. Some with long, well-researched "scholarly" posts. Others by lurking.
Whatever floats yer boat :)

1: As an old-timer to internet fora (I started back in the days of USENET) I think it's good etiquette to lurk for a while and get a feel for a forum before you start posting. To me (showing my age again) that's the difference between a forum and a chat room.

2: This post reminds me just a little bit of the mormon disdain for introverts. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way but it sounds that way to me.

3: Like you said, many lurkers may be trying to minimize their footprint for opsec reasons.

4: Such a variety of topics are discussed here that someone who is able to use the search function could spend a year here before they ever had a question or concern that was truly unanswered.

5: As the TV theme song goes..."People yakkity-yak a streak to pass the time of day / But Mr. Ed will never speak unless he has something to say..."

I've been lurking on this post all day.
I was a back-row girl in church.
I like to listen.
I like you guys.

I have mostly lurked for about 4 years now. This group helped me to send in my resignation, and now that letter is framed in my office.

I think I rarely post because I am still in the anger/rage phase and feel like if I start to let it out, I may not stop.

My DH is a jack mo who is so terrified of his parents that he hides everything he believes about the church. I resent all of that so much, it doesn't help the anger.

I am glad to have this forum to read about others who have gone through the same things and are willing to post about it.

Well if I post too often, it will annoy people, and there does seem to be some concern on this board with bandwidth consumption. Also, most of the threads I've started have died quickly from lack of interest.

Perhaps I think about strange things. I don't mind at all discussing other people's thoughts instead.

I found out from an old boyfriend that his family had resigned in the 70's after blacks were allowed the priesthood. He and his family also taught me about the Mormon Meadows Massacre, Blood Oaths, and how the church had tried to hide their history by taking out the old church history books and replacing them with a new set. I wanted to resign back then, but was afraid I would lose my baptism. Instead, I convinced myself that I would wait until both my parents were dead. My grandparents on both sides lived into their late 90's and one even died at the ripe old age of 101, so I rethought how long I may have to wait and decided that they were adults and would just have to get over it.

The thing that pushed me over the edge, though, was another visit from the Relief Society. There were normally two who were supposed to come over, but my older cousin (who I hadn't seen in years) thought that I would open the door if SHE showed up as well). Before when they (or the missionaries) had shown up, it caused me to become very upset and complain to my TBM best friends who told me that I could get them for harassment. However, when my cousin and her minions showed up on my doorstep, I had had enough of the BS and decided it was time to stop being harassed and start taking a stand. Some of your posts helped me realize that I needed to take control of my life, so thank you all for that.

After that last harassment, I lurked here for a few days and read about other people's experiences that mirrored my own. I finally took the plunge (thanks to this board, the CES letter, and mormonthink.com) and resigned a year ago on December 15. I'm so glad I did.

Since then, I took a job in a town that is VERY mormon (to help care for my ailing parents) and I'm afraid that some of the things I post might out me to my students' parents who might try to run the evil apostate out of the school so that her obvious anti-mormon ways won't corrupt their brainwashed chidren's minds. So, instead of posting all of the things I really want to say, I lurk until I find a post that really touches a nerve and then just let it all out...like I just did.

I mostly lurk to stay informed as to what's going on in tscc so I can arm myself with information that might be affecting my family and friends. Sometimes I comment, but mostly I love being an audience member and getting the inside scoop on Mormon news.

I lurked for about a year before I posted. Something finally gets posted that you just can't resist jumping into.

I think that sadly there are some folks who really believe that they don't have much to contribute. Others truly believe that they are thread killers, which probably isn't true either.

I rarely post. I grew up in an inactive family, so I've never had close exposure to TBM's, so maybe I don't feel quite qualified to respond to a lot. Plus I'm an introvert and even an anonymous post on a forum feels like im placing myself out there for comment and ridicule. We're all made differently. I also always second guess myself on whether or not my comments are worth posting. So there it is. I think of myself as very self confident, but this all reads so insecure. Because it feels like it's so public.

Mostly because I read on my phone. Posting via phone is a PITA.