What would that be like if he looked into the glass and saw a future Dr. Seuss book and mistook that for ancient Hebrew in the Americas.

Would he find gold in a box? Would he in his socks?

"I Nephi being..."

He's still a fraud both here or there
He is a fraud most anywhere
I do not trust him Sam I Am
I do not like that Joseph Man.

I am Joe

Joe, I am.

That Joe-I-am, that Joe-I-am, I do not like that Joe-I-am.

Would you like him in your bed?
Would you like him better dead?

*BANG*

Joe liked to have sex
But the girls found him odd
So he had an idea
"I'll pretend I know god!
I'll look in this hat
Hold some rocks in my hand
Tell the sheep there's an angel
Oh, won't this be GRAND"

So Joe told his tales
About darkies and pales
And some wars that occurred
And some dopes took his word
And he said 'By the way
God said you must pay
Cause your soul you just rent
So I'll take ten percent'

'And while we were talking, that god guy and I,
he told me we'd all get to live in the sky
with a whole bunch of girls who would do what we say
and he said I should start with a harem today'

So Joe looked around at the girls in the town
and chose which ones he would like to go down
and those who objected were reminded that
Joe had been told by the voice in the hat
That he must be obeyed, there should be no more strife
And when Joe said "I want her", you gave him your wife

And Joe kept this up (for the people were stupid)
This make believe guy-in-a-hat-sort-of-cupid
As long as he thought he could, longer than that
Until some of the people said "hey, where's the hat?"
We've taken about just enough of this stuff
And then things got weird and then things got rough
And the next thing you know, Joe got what he deserved
But a lot of his BS was somehow preserved
By another old goat with an eye for the ladies
Who reminded the sheep while there wasn't a hades
They better turn over the women for fun
And reminded them all that he'd soon 'breed 'em young'

BRAVO!!

LOL! He was a cat in a hat!

Shummy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> So Joe looked around at the girls in the town
> and chose which ones he would like to go down

Love it. He will go down Jehovah and Michael.

Bravo indeed, Shummy! You have hidden talents ;-).

"guy-in-a-hat-sort-of-cupid" is a poetic masterstroke!

Tom in Paris

Seuss' books are full of chiasmus...

Just sayin'.

My god--do you know what this means? They're scripture!

Here is a cartoon about Dr. Seussish Mormons:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=up4EyNEe77E

I liked the first part, but hated the ending.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2016 05:27PM by Heretic 2.

This is how Mormons work. But when it isn't "well received" they go crazier than a Seussical.

One wife,
Two wife,
Three wife,
More!
This one's only four-and-teen
Emma's looking pretty mean.

This one's father owns a bar
This one's name is Helen Mar
Say! What a lot
of Wives there are!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2016 05:15PM by wine country girl.

There are a lot of fish in the sea for modern prophets.

Good one winecountrygirl, very Dr. Seussy yet historically accurate!

I loved One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. It was the first book I ever read on my own ;-)

All the best to you

Tom in Paris

Dr. Seuss Book of Mormon
Written by Author Unknown.

"What if the Book of Mormon had been written by Dr. Seuss?"
A hilarious rendition of the First Book of Nephi in "Green Eggs and Ham" format.

Nephi: Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam
Yes, this is Sam;

Sam: Sam I am

Laman: That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am

Sam: In a tent, my father dwelt

Laman: And it's so hot, I think I'll melt

Lemuel: Our father's brain is out of whack

Laman: Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back

Lehi: Then go and get the plates my dear

Laman: On second thought, I'm staying here

Nephi: You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?

Lemuel: That Nephi always gets his way

Laman: Here we are in this damp cave

Sam: We would not be here if you'd behave

Nephi: I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think

Nephi: Look what I found, a brother from the quorum

Sam: We will take him home, we will call him Zoram

Lemuel: Oh great, another pathetic life form

Laman: Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent

Lemuel: I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona

Laman: We hate it here, we have no lives

Lehi: Then go back to the city and get some wives

Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree
The fruit is white, the fruit is free
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?

Laman, Lemuel, come and see

Laman: We will not eat your precious fruit

Lemuel: We will not wear a tie and suit

Laman: We will not help you build your boat

Lemuel: We do not think that it will float

Laman: No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote

Lemuel: We will not eat your fruit I say

Laman: We will not eat it on a tray

Lemuel: And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent

Laman: We'd rather have a can of spam
L & L: We will not eat it, Sam I am

Sam: You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say

Laman: Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see

L & L: Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am.

"Lehi: A tree, a tree, I see a tree
The fruit is white, the fruit is free
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?"

Lehi, the original Dr. Seuss character. Kinda like the Lorax of Mormonism.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better.
It's not."

"Be who you are and say what you feel,
Because those who mind don't matter,
And those who matter,
don't mind."

"I know it may seem small and insignificant.
But it's not about what it is. It's about what it may
become."

~ The Once-Ler (from the Lorax)

"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple."

"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
In any direction you choose."