Okay a little background first, I am a relatively new poster here. I have only been in the church for 3 years and it 3 too many. In that time I married my wife who grew up in the church. Okay here we go:

The temple.... So i was excited to go to the lord's house at first but not when it came time to get my temple cloths. Over $150 for this crap! are you serious? who in there right mind would pay for that? as my soon to father in law put it "its for the lords ultimate blessings so i think its worth it." No its for $$$$. I could have bought a better outfit at a costume store for 20 bucks.

The garments. another waste of money. These are the worst design of clothing out there. I am a guy and it shows through all of my shirts. So my wife says I need to get new clothing, I say I am getting rid of my garments. However, every time I buy boxers she throws them out. They all say how much cheaper they are. Really? I can get a pack of underwear $10 for 5 and I don't need to buy a shirt with symbols on my nipples.

The leaders... Oh how I hate them all. They sit on their throne and tell us how to live our lives. They even may cause some to commit suicide because they are not living worthy enough. (the gay population of Utah). They corrupt everything they put their hands into. Not to mention they are all related to past leaders some way or another. This church is not a church its a cult. I want out so bad. I have my resignation letter all ready, though I know if i send it in my wife will find out. My parents would be excited if I do. I mean they didn't even get to see me married though "its the right thing to do." as my bishop and in laws put it. Oh shut up, you can't tell me that you would let your daughter marry some yahoo if you couldn't even witness the event. Its all just so sick. It really is. The church cares so much about money that they dont care what they do to families.

The worst of it all is they promote putting the church first before family. I just want to live my life the way I want to forget this cult. However, they turn my own wife against me. I know mormons often check this site to see if they can identify a inactive member. All i have to say is do i not get the same respect to share my thoughts as you do with your bishop? So stop trying to control what I think. I am human I deserve the respect to think as one. There is no respect in this cult you either fall in line (or on the straight and narrow path) or you are mentally ill. Its terrible and needs to stop. They would rather promote the end of the world rather than fix it. I can not be apart of this anymore and God help me with what ever happens.

Sorry for the rant, but I had to vent somewhere. Thanks for listening because this board might be the only place that does with out judgemental comments.

Looks like the promised blessings of Mormonism missed you. Funny how that happens.

I have no ideas for you, but just wanted to let you know that you are right on in everything you ranted about. Rant on!

Good rant. But you, sir, are in a pickle. If it were me, I'd get out of the church now and let the chips fall where they may.

Not saying it is the same in your case, but I had seen situation like this before -- man gets horny, converts to get married (and tail), soon comes to his senses, realizes "oh shit", gets divorced.

Please for the love of a make believe god -- if you haven't already, do NOT have kids with this woman. Unfortunately your chances of getting out of this together are slim, but trust me - once you are out you will be MUCH happier and have a MUCH more enjoyable life.

One of the best rants ever!

You got the nitty. And, you got the gritty. There's something really excellent about your perspective as a short time member who found out quickly that I just loved reading. I guess that doesn't sound right since this is a tragedy for you.
Apoligies.

On the other hand, sorry you are in this situation. Don't prolong the situation. Come clean. Nursing this along for year after year will eat away at you. This has an ice cubes chance in hell of getting better on its own.

I would add that if you have a good relationship with your non-member family, don't abandon them. The mormon church won't be there for you.

Sorry about your situation. You need to set some boundaries with your wife. She has no right to throw away your boxers. Tell her so. She's acting more like a controlling mother and that's horrible for your relationship.

Tell her if she throws them away again, you'll just go commando. ;-)

I agree with those who said to get your cards out on the table, then you can find out if your marriage can be saved.

Oh, yeah, an "I'll just go commando!" threat should do the trick! At least as regards your boxers. As for the rest of it--can you guys move?

If you don't have kids, I'd get out of the LDS church now and let your wife choose what she wants to do. You are in for a lot of bullshit if you stick around and play the part of a good LDS man.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2016 11:46AM by rubi123.

rubi123 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> If you don't have kids, I'd get out of the LDS
> church now and let your wife choose what she wants
> to do. You are in for a lot of bullshit if you
> stick around and play the part of a good LDS man.


+++


You need to be authentic with her. If she married for love, she'll help find a way to make the marriage work. If she married for church status, the sooner you find out the better.

Honestly, it sounds like you're angry with her, too. You will need to decide that if you stay married, and she stays in and you leave, do you want a Mormon wife's Mormon baggage?

To be fair, you agreed to become Mormon, but were probably fed milk, not meat, not fully informed of the dark side of the cult.

Vent away here, be gentle with her. Keep reading the board abd main page. Many have suffered as you are; marriages can survive a religious split; but both partners must work at it.

To be childish, or even-handed, depending on mood, I might throw an equal number of her clothes away to let her know it won't be tolerated.

What is she..... your mother?

Next time she throws your boxers out - throw her garments out. Fairs fair.

+1 My other half threw something of mine out----ONCE.

Beautiful rant. Feel free to rant anytime. We are here for you.

I mean its stupid right? Like God is going to not let me into heaven because Im wearing the wrong underwear. Who thinks like that?

Mormons

Get a thong. She'll like that.

Well you are completely right in your observations. Yes, the church cares more about money than they do about families. Yes, it's a cult. No, they never stop and think what they'd do if their daughter married some yahoo and they couldn't witness the event. They turn your own family members against you and they do not respect you as a person.

You can see these things because you lived most of your life in the real world. You can see, however, why it is so hard for those who were born into it to see through it. Conditioning, indoctrination, brainwashing, whatever you want to call it is a very very very strong thing. None of it makes any sense at all, all the facts dispute it, but they can tell you to fall back on "the spirit," i.e. you emotions and how it makes you feel and those of us who were lifelong members with TBM families saw that as valid. It made us feel good, so none of the facts matter.

You did not say if you have kids, but if you do now or in the future, that is how they will be raised. It will be really hard for them to see through it. Sometimes it helps if one family member is a non or inactive member who can counteract some of the indoctrination, sometimes it makes them dig in deeper. So if you don't have kids, my suggestion would be to get this issue, the issue of how the kids will be raised, etc. taken care of before you do. Many people are able to compromise, but sometimes that means your having to keep attending church when you know it's bullshit. Or she may have to compromise that she lets you resign, but you let her raise the kids mormon. Whatever,

Even if you have young kids already, you have to figure it out and now. Your feelings won't change. You won't all of the sudden see that it's true, when it's not. The leaders will always be asshats, even though you'll run across some who are good people at the core and don't push the rules as hard as others. But there's only so much they can do to try to normalize a corrupt and dishonest organization. But whatever, do stick to your guns on the underwear thing. Those things are hideous and you don't want to be imprisoned in them your whole life.

Some observations.
1. Absolutely immediately go commando regardless of outside temperature.
2. If your employment (and possible child support since you didn't mention kids)depends on membership then be very careful.
3. Reach a CALM agreement with your wife concerning all church activities and stay CALM. A public rant to her or anyone will be used against you even in a divorce court.
4. DO NOT seek female comforts elsewhere.
5. Quietly set aside $$ and do get legal advice
Gatorman

From the time little girls go to their first class in church, they are told they need to follow the rules and get others around them to follow the rules too.

Once they get into the young woman's program, it's ratcheted up. She gets it drilled into her that she must prepare for marriage by choosing a man she can control into being the righteous priesthood holder.

This is hard enough on TBM couples, but is terribly hard on part believing couples.

She needs to understand that you are not a cardboard cutout of a person. You are an autonomous person who happens to be part of a couplehood. That doesn't mean that she gets to set the parameters of the relationship and she is the enforcer of the rules. Those things need to be negotiated.

OH boy..you are "on the horns of a dilemma" as the saying goes.

First, you need to set your wife straight. She cannot throw anything of yours away. You may have to tell her that if she does it again, something of hers will be tossed. You have the absolute right to wear whatever you want, just as she does. She has crossed the line throwing out your personal underwear.

You got into a church without "Full Disclosure" which is their point. They want you, your money, and your naked body dressed in their regulation 14/7 underwear for eternity.

I suggest you sit your wife down, tell her the truth, and see what happens. This is not a good fit, match for you. If she cannot accept you then the marriage is over, the sooner the better.

And, yes, it's OK to vent here. Not likely you'll be able to make any inroads with the LDS folks in your new family or with your wife, but give her a chance.

Sure hope those werent the 9 dollar a pair gaunch she tossed...thats grounds for deevorce right there...small things indicate bigger problems...this is a big one...boundaries...lack of respect...personal space...not surprising but your in for a tussle it appears...in my experience the sympathy and clucking shell get at church over not having her goodly man beast leading her on to kolob will be almost a hill you cant climb...where ever it goes dont wait too long to deal with it...i tell my kids when they get married...if you feel you made a mistake a week after the honeymoon for hell sake deal with it...one did within six months of nuptuals...best thing he could have done..some things you can work out...crazy isnt one of em...funny how rings can cause crazy that went unnoticed before...upward and onward

Cut all of the markings out of your garments. That renders them useless. Sell your temple outfit. Sometimes there are people on exmo sites that would gladly pay you for the outfit.

Be responsible for the birth control. Do not have kids with this woman until you have the religion thing settled.

You owe it to both of you to be honest with her. Either she needs to come to terms with it or you have to decide you are going to spend the rest of your life living a lie.

You are thinking clearly now, and it shows in your writing. A co-worker of mine joined the church to marry a Mormon girl, and I warned him. He complained to management that I was persecuting him.
Three months later he was whining in the break room about his wife forbidding him from associating with his old, non Mormon friends. I had no comment.

There are many more things in this world that are worse than divorce like staying in a cult that has robbed your soul, your free choices and your life.

Get out.. cut your losses. Kid's or no kids, you have to teach them that cult is not of God.

It is against the bible. So many times over and over they have true historical facts that Joseph Smith was a conman. It is in the writings of people who knew him. Everything he said especially the temple rituals and the funny underwear were all made up. He knew it. He was evil to mess with the feelings of people the way he did just so he could have sex with women he wanted. What a sick-O!

Go forth and conquer. You can do it ! Be your own man. You will be proud of yourself when it is behind you.

If you love your wife and think it has a chance then asap get NON Mormon counseling. DO not talk to the Bishop about squat and I would recommend she don't talk to the bish without you there. You have no idea what he'll say that more than likely will light her doubledown underwear tossing fire even higher.

I'll bet 10 to 1 the bish will not give her the advice in Corinthians that says to not divorce an unbelieving spouse. I'll bet that as unpaid I was the real estate agent yesterday and now I'm the bish that he has no idea that this scripture even exists.

If you want to keep her slow down and get a plan. Don't attack her.

At the most maybe ask her if she knows what "informed consent" means, then let that stew.

Be thankful you figured this out now and not after you paid tens of thousands and are forty five or older. Now is the time to act.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2016 11:19PM by AmIDarkNow?.

You're very welcome here and I'm sorry you ended up feeling stuck. You are completely right about the things you feel angry about. It is a harmful cult led by corrupt people controlling lives and destroying meaningful connections between human beings.

Everyone here has said good stuff. I'd like to reiterate that I think refraining from having kids until this is settled would be very prudent. If you can't stand what the cult is doing to you, imagine watching it being done to your child.

Also quit paying them, no more tithing. They don't deserve your money and you need it to buy underwear. :-)

Your observations are spot on, and it's great that you have been able to hold onto your sanity!

It seems there is a great gulf between you and your wife. If the marriage is going to last (a big if), she will have to respect your beliefs (or lack of them) and you will need to respect (but not participate in) hers.

You haven't said whether or not you have children. If not, please don't bring kids into this situation until you and your wife have been able to solve this very big problem.

You will always have support here!

Get out! Get out!
Wherever you are!