The good new is that all the heathens can go to the funeral, even the ones who masturbate and don't pay tithing or wear too many earrings.
The bad news is Mormon funerals are often just a big Plan of Salvation rally and the life of the deceased is an afterthought. Not all of them though. If you sit at the back you can always sneak out if it turns out to be a religious revival rather than a sweet sendoff.
Mormon funerals are a chance for the local Mormon bishop to stand up and talk to the congregation about "the plan of salvation". They have very little to do with the life of the deceased.
Having recently been to a Mormon funeral, I can add that this is true. I was shocked at how much time was given to promoting the church. At least a third of the service was just about how awesome Mormonism is.
My late MIL was a Jack-Mo if ever I met one. Couldn't start her day without coffee and cigarettes, swore like a sailor.
The first speaker at her funeral was her closest friend, a lady who had been a teacher at one of the schools where MIL had been the school nurse. This lady told some funny stories about MIL, very endearing and heartwarming. Anybody who had known MIL would say, "Yep, that was her, to a T." She concluded with "She was my friend, and I will miss her." Totally class act.
The second speaker was MIL's long-time neighbor. He was also a bishop, either currently or in the past. He knew that she hadn't seen the inside of a chapel for decades, that she was as Jack-Mo as they came, but to hear him tell it, she died with the ink barely dry on her temple recommend. And he went on and on AD NAUSEAM about how families can be together forever, "the Gospel,"the Plan of Salvation, yada, yada. It was obvious that people were getting restless.
After the service, my stepdaughter asked me, angrily, "Who was THAT long-winded jerk?" I told her "Your Grandma's neighbor, the bishop of the ward she never attended."
DH's sister had arranged the whole thing. She is uber-TBM. If it had been up to DH and his younger brother, Bishop Neighbor would not have been on the program. He was EXCRUCIATING.
I have also only attended a few. Many people here have written about them. Their descriptions usually confirm what I saw. That is, the funeral is almost the opposite of a wedding.
By that I mean that it is not only open to everyone, but it is treated (by the official in charge) as a perfect opportunity to talk to all of the non-Mormons. What they say is, "Join the Mormon Church! Only we can give you an eternal connection with your dead loved ones! We are the only true church! If you don't join us, you are doomed to spend eternity without your beloved family!"
The person who died takes a poor second place to the massive proselytizing, unless you get a particularly decent guy to run the show. Or take over yourself.
Temple mormons are dressed in their garments and temple outfits. Only other temple worthy mormons can dress them and the garments cant be cut up the back and tucked under the body like normal funeral clothes. This may not be creepy in the morridor with mo-undertakers but in the mission field, members have to go to the gentile funeral home and dress the bodies. I remember my parents getting that duty from time to time.
My husband was EQP and had to dress a guy in his temple costume. The guy was so bloated that he had no choice but to cut the outfit up the back and tuck it around the corpse. I think that was the turning point in mormonism for DH. Dressing bloated dead bodies of people he didn't care for was his undoing.
You can google LDS handbook funerals, and you can read what the church handbook says about funerals.
In my experience there is always too much church stuff and not enough about the person who died. I thought this as a TBM too. My grandmother lived to the age of 102, and we only got a little tease of a talk about her life.
The rest of the meeting was a sunday school lesson on the plan of salvation, followed by an Uncle who publicly shamed the "less than valiant" members of the family in a mis-guided attempt to get us back on the straight and narrow. It was a classic example of the church's tactics on fear, guilt, and shame.
I don't have the references handy for you, but I think that ole Boyd KKK Packer had some choice things to say about funerals too. You can probably google it, or maybe someone on here with more computer cut and paste knowledge than me can post it.
The only normal Mormon funeral I ever went to was for the the son of a friend of my mom's. He was killed in a bad auto accident. But because he had been both a police & corrections officer (he was in corrections when he died), he had the whole official send off, honor guard, etc. There was probably nearly a thousand people at his funeral.
From what I remember hardly anything was said about the Morg or plan of salvation, even though this funeral was held at the chapel.
My dad died in 2000, in Provo. His funeral was at a chapel that he'd not attended much, since he and his wife spent most of the year in AZ. They came back to UT about 4 months before he died and my sister, who lived close, said he hadn't felt much like going anywhere.
She called the Bishop, who was new, and he came over once for a quick visit. She said he was about 35, and acted like being around a really sick almost 90 year old wasn't something he was interested in.
AT the funeral, the bishop conducted but hadn't thought to arrange anyone to conduct the music, so my daughter-in-law, who barely knew my dad, got up and conducted the funeral dirge.
My sister gave a eulogy, which was nice, and the bishop talked all about the plan of salvation, since he didn't know my dad.
iplayedjoe, that is not always true. First of all, my sister who was exed 15 years prior to my moms death, helped me dress her in her temple clothes. Also, we had to cut the clothes, though my mom was quite obese, so it was very difficult to roll her up on one side. What a strange experience.
But this was in the "mission" field and my sis was the oldest so that may have had something to do with it.
I hope I never have to do that again. It wasn't sad as it was so surreal. So obvious this body was not mom. We also saw the skin cancer that she had not told us about. You do have to be the same sex though.
You spend a lot of time with the deceased, which is not really my thing. I think I will be cremated, have some nice pictures around, a good soundtrack, an open bar and an open mike.