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Posted by: kolobian ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 04:02PM

If elohim really gave 2 poops about eternal progression, it would go like this:

1. A dude lives his life, makes good decisions and bad ones. Ultimately, he's not happy and didn't become a very good person, and then he dies
2. Elohim walks the dude through his entire life, showing what critical decisions he was faced with and what drove him to make his choices
3. Elohim shows the dude all the downstream impacts and consequences of his decisions, both positive and negative on those around him
4. Elohim asks the dude if he's happy with the way things turned out. The dude says no, he wishes he'd done a lot of things differently
5. Elohim says, "want to try again?"
6. The dude says "yes" or "no"
7. If the dude says yes, he gets another chance. And he gets as many chances as it takes to become better and better each time
8. If the dude says no, Elohim says "ok, come on home then."

But that's not at all the way the mormons view their sky-daddy, is it?

One shot. One chance. One big clusterfuck of a religion.

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Posted by: jcrichards ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 04:06PM

If he cared about eternal progression, then there would be progression after this life as well.

Having this life as the only time to make choices that determine where you will end up for eternity makes no sense.

Maybe this life can determine your starting position, but a person should be able to eventually progress beyond the telestial and terrestial kingdoms.

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Posted by: Chump ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 05:15PM

Agreed...especially since there would have to be a first god that progressed to godhood without a father's stupid test, rituals, etc... Besides that, Mormons believe that Jesus and the HG progressed to godhood without obtaining bodies, passing any test, etc... Doesn't really seem fair...the only one to live a perfect life was the one that created the world and started out as a god...

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Posted by: NoToJoe (unregistered) ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 09:08AM

Not only that but you have to pick the ONE religion that is right and Elohim has given you 3000 to pick from. And the ONE that you have to pick is small and hidden in a backwater town in the mountains. It also has bat-shit crazy doctrine that would make the average person run for the hills.

It's like Elohim wants you to fail. It's like your college profession said "This semester's final will be on a surprise subject. You can prepare for the test by reading a specific book found in the Marriott Library. I won't tell you which book but I have left a clue somewhere in the library that if you find it will lead you to the book". (The clue is a 1x1 post it note that he sticks to the wall in the 5th floor women's handicaped bathroom.)

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Posted by: YUP ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 04:18PM

Exactly so!

With Mormonism, everyone gets ONE SHOT and is then judged. Maybe someone lives 100 years, maybe someone lives 10 minutes, maybe someone is born into royalty and riches, maybe someone is born into abject poverty, maybe someone is born to be beautiful, maybe someone is born deformed and disabled ...

With one shot that's hardly a fair test.

A second or third, or fifth or sixth rounds etc. with various circumstances is far better system -- but exhausting to consider right now.

Let's all vote on it and see if Elohim is listening!

Unfortunately, I don't think the whole thing works that way.

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Posted by: BeenThereDunnThatExMo ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 05:54PM

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

You're making my head hurt!

You're making me have to actually THINK!!!

Or so it seems to me...

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Posted by: nonsequiter ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 06:36PM

The conclusion?

Elohim does not poop.

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Posted by: anon88 ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 06:53PM

Actually the original church did teach eternal progression in the way that you are speaking of with multiple probations and the possibility to progress from one kingdom to another. It was a clear doctrune taught that adam had lived a probation before this one and was rewarded the calling of being the father of the human race on earth. To me that is progression but is too complicated for the members to underatand no a days amd is not taught.

We live in a telestial kingdom right now. There has to be a way to progress from one kingdom to the next.

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Posted by: YUP ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 08:14PM

I have heard a few members say that stages in the pre-existence have already done the necessary work to determine how we came to live in this life. Therefore, this life is just the final test before we become Gods - or otherwise.

BUT, in both of these case, the members had the opinion that how we were born in this life is the measure of how well we lived in all of those pre-existence stages. It's the "select generation" idea, and that some people were "destined" to find the church in the latter days.

The problem is that this idea justifies a world of prejudices. You were born poor because you deserve it. The poor health or deformities you were born with must be your own fault. You are being punished for your pre-existent life! That's the same reasoning that many Hindus use for the poor way they treat the "untouchables".

Mark E. Peterson went so far as to explain that some people are born in Africa or China because they were not "worthy" to be born in such a nice place as America. It also use to be one explanation for why some people were born of the "black race".

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Posted by: Shummy ( )
Date: December 19, 2014 07:54PM

Well I dunno but if there is an Elohim evaluation interview awaiting us all, at least (I hope) we can safely assume He won't give a failing grade to anyone who declined the offer to join some special mickey mouse club and wear funny headgear and sing lame songs about some pervert's fantasies.

Would He?

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Posted by: freedomatlast ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 01:25AM

How did this EVER make sense to me?? NEVER!! I remember a lesson given in primary 30 years ago. They put up a long string with a knot in it. They said the string went on forever in both directions. The knot represented earth life. The decisions we made on that little dot will determine the rest of eternity. I'm all for kharma but taking a test when you have no memory of the eternity of studying you did in the past. How well you do on this test determines the rest of your existence? (Oh yeah, everything you learn in this life relies on faith and God throws in HUGE contradictions just to make you rely on your faith even more?) That is a royal brain fuck!! No Thank You!!

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 03:42AM

I agree that only one knot on the string is absurd ...

...but...

if you add a hundred or a thousand knots to the string, it starts making sense.

---x----x----x----x----x----x----x----x----x----x---

Our planet earth is a magical place, if you think about it. There is a virtually infinite variety of human experiences possible on this Pale Blue Dot.

Here is one scenario for example:

A resourceful teenager in Upstate New York figures out that he's clever enough to start a Very Cool Club with himself as president where he will eventually be able to trick dozens of women and girls into having consensual sex with him. For a while, it's a dream come true. The sex is great, and he doesn't even have to support his harem. But the situation eventually gets a bit out of hand and his sex club utopia comes to a screeching halt when the dude is shot to death by an angry mob who got tired of protecting their wives and daughters from the dude's compelling arsenal of pick up lines.

After the dude bites the Big One, the ghost-self that survived his murder shows up for a postmortem worthiness interview with a really wise Spiritual Adviser Sky Angel. The conversation goes about like this:

Sky: Jesus Christ, Joe! WTF happened to you? You only survived 38 years?

Joe: Talk about being a dumbfuck. I was home free - half way across the Mississippi. I should have ignored that goddamned letter from Emma and never looked back. What the hell do I do now? I don't even have a penis.

Sky: I do realize that's a major bummer for you, Joe. So in your humble NOT!LOL opinion, what went wrong?

Joe: I think my timing was off by about 4 centuries. I would still be down on earth with my penis intact if I had started my Sex Club before the printing press was invented. Goddamned Nauvoo Expositor!

Sky: Well, Einstein, then how would you have printed the Book of Mormon without a printing press?

Joe: Good point. Didn't think of that.

Sky: So, Joe, do you wanna go back and give it another shot? Down on earth, I mean?

Joe: Your shittin' me. I can go back and try again? Really?

Sky: Well, are you happy with your performance last time?

Joe: Hell, no. I had a great gig going for a while, but I made the big mistake of actually listening to one of my wives. Big mistake. Fatal mistake, in fact.

Sky: Well, the way it works is you can keep on going back for another ride on the planet until you get your act cleaned up enough to pass this worthiness interview. Interested?

Joe: Hell, YES! Sign me up.

Sky: OK. Let's do this thing. The only condition is that I get to determine where you get born and into what kind of scenario. Are you game?

Joe: Sure. Can't wait!

Sky: OK. Good. So you get to be born as a baby girl in Salt Lake Valley, and you will grow up into a smokin' hot young lady with really big tits. And before long, a older dude named Brigham will come a calling.

... and the rest is history.

===x===x===x===x===x===x===x===x===

In the context of serial lifetimes, what is the best way to "educate" intelligent beings to cease choosing behaviors that abuse and exploit others?

Doesn't this knot-after-knot Plan of Eternal Progression make tons more sense than anything we ever were fed in Church?

PS - Attribution to OP and freedomatlast for providing the seed of knotty inspiration



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/20/2014 04:11AM by beyondashadow.

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Posted by: freedomatlast ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 08:23AM

Once this smokin hot daughter of Brigham Young knew how it felt to be a sex object, she spent her next life as a G.A. fighting the evils of pornography and masterbation!!! (I think that takes it full circle!)

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: December 21, 2014 02:50AM


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Posted by: kolobian ( )
Date: December 22, 2014 08:51AM

Shoot. Elohim can clearly marry his daughters, why not Brigham Young?

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: December 22, 2014 11:33AM

My brother's eternal companion divorced him after he went exmo. Sometime later, her TBM dad announced that she could be his wife in the CK.

Not making this up. I wonder if he was fantasizing about sex with his daughter. Probably not, being a righteous TBM and all.

And Gordo said Mormons have absolutely nothing to do with polygamy any more.

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Posted by: Templar ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 08:57AM

Unlike Mormonism, this idea makes some logical sense and doesn't involve sex with numerous females (at least not during individual lifetimes).

Frankly, I've found a good deal more "evidence" for reincarnation than I have for the CULT of Mormonism. Of course, personal feelings and beliefs have no effect on ultimate truth. The Mormons have never understand this simple fact.

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Posted by: the investigator ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 09:37AM

Look, just shut the fcuk up, pray, bear your testimony and pay your 10%.

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Posted by: outsider ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 01:22PM

The "Plan of Salvation" simply doesn't work.

The overwhelming number of new gods and goddesses would be third world children who die before the age of eight. Only a tiny fraction would be Mormon.

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 04:12PM

... and since Mormon Doctrine is sourced by Elohim & Son, the Gods are apparently pretty crappy at mathematics as well.

I wonder if revelation can work in reverse, as in, I wonder if we can somehow beam a calculator up to Kolob?

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Posted by: MarkJ ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 04:18PM

Had it been a real life, you would have received clear, rational instructions on where to go and what to do..

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 04:20PM


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Posted by: YUP ( )
Date: December 20, 2014 05:16PM

Ok, here is a "male heaven" for reincarnation.

You are born as a man onto a planet where genetics creates 1 man for 20 women, and polygamy is a necessity! ... Hurrah!

On Earth however, God blew it. According to Joe Smith, God ordered polygamy as a way of life, but then God DEVIOUSLY created humans to be born on a one-to-one ratio.

This meant that numerous women became nothing more than a cattle heard to a few privileged "stud-men". And the rest of the "lesser-men" were denied any hope of ever marrying -- but God still gave them powerful sex drives!

So, there were a few Alpha Male "select winners" - while everyone else, male and female, were treated like garbage.

Smith's God was a mean SOB.

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Posted by: axeldc ( )
Date: December 22, 2014 08:57AM

A lot more people believe in reincarnation than in resurrection.

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Posted by: kolobian ( )
Date: December 22, 2014 09:43AM

Hmm, not according to any numbers I see. Can you corroborate your claim with any credible sources?

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Posted by: beyondashadow ( )
Date: December 22, 2014 12:17PM

Get back into a body by reincarnating.

Resurrection is so popular because it sounds the same as

Res-erection

aka

Thing-erection

res (rayz) n. Latin, thing. In law lingo res is used in conjunction with other Latin words as "thing that."

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Posted by: evergreennotloggedin ( )
Date: December 22, 2014 01:27PM

I gave two poops about it (really) and decided I needed to give the big "E" an F in planning, organizing and execution of his "Plan of Salvation"

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