Back when I attended church, I got along well with another girl in Sunday school. We talked often, and one day she told me her dad would get angry and hit her. She's a wonderful person, but did a lot of "unworthy" things (wear shorter skirts, smoke, pre-marital sex), which was partly why he'd hit her. I was surprised and sad to hear this, since on the outside, she seemed close and happy with her dad. He seemed to cherish her. I never would've guessed otherwise until she told me.

I was even more shocked when she said she told other church classmates before, that they replied with "your dad loves you in his own way" and "deep down he loves you." ...Really?! How deluded can people be to brush aside abuse? My first reaction wasn't "families forever" when she told me this. She thought it was bs too. This friend graduated high school early just to get away from her awful parents. When she transferred for college, she was scared to move back to her home state because he lived there.

The very sad recent post on abuse reminded me of this acquaintance from church. She was so happy when she moved, thankfully, and has been better since.

I can't help but read this and think of the number of times other Mormon families ignored the fact they were witnessing my abuse. Many years of it for me. Oddly even after it was public knowledge he successfully married a woman with a fourteen year old daughter! Oh sure, the woman he married asked me tons of questions about the abuse and I answered truthfully. She knew and didn't care. He was "misunderstood"..

Whatever happened to the 14 year old daughter?
Hope she was alright.

Red flags go up whenever you read such stuff.

Once I said my peace to his new wife I was out of the picture for them. As I said he eventually was back in the church and less than 5 years later until his death he was a Temple worker, and on the Bishopric in charge of the Primary organization with his very large ward. Pathetic.

Regarding the "where does it come from"? My honest opinion is the "God complex" that is adhered to and promoted in Mormonism when it comes to males simply allows if not furthers the cowards belief they are untouchable. In reality it is well documented my case was out to the Church, did they excommunicate him due to his admitted sexual abuse of me? No. They did however excommunicate him due to my mother later divorcing him. She divorced him because he abused her. Too bad, they were both abusive to me. Her by continuing to allow it for my entire childhood, knowingly. So why would anyone believe the church reports it?

All the beatings and the abuses that I suffered are my fault now, because I won't forgive. It's a neat trick, isn't it? That makes my Mormon parents respectable, and they can continue to lie and deceive at will.

I refuse to take any ownership or fault in what they did to me. However, the church continued to call me for YEARS, long after I was married and out of State to see if I had "Forgiven" him yet. My only reply to the church was "doesn't forgiveness require him to ask for it, or at least apologize? And if you ever call me again I will sue."

It's sad to hear another account of this sort of thing. I haven't figured out yet where the church's attitude of siding with the abuser comes from. Is it the doctrine? Some sort of handed down culture? Just don't know.

With my own abuse, the church sided with the man who's now a bishop. It was part of why I left the church. Seems like there are so many cases of poor choices being made by the leadership and then justified by "God" because they said it was to be so. I looked at my instance, saw many similar to it, and then followed the trail all the way back to JS.

My TBM sister in law and nieces and nephews were being horribly abused by her husband (now ex). People at church and even her own parents, my inlaws, would encourage her to stay and she was even told that he wouldn't be able to overcome his "issues" if she quit on him. How messed up is that?? I told her several times she needed to leave and I even reported the abuse to Child Services. She ended up leaving him and moving across the country.

He has since been able to convince 3 more women to marry him and has a total of 3 divorces and one pending. He fools them, but not for long. Under the guise of him "being misunderstood" or being treated unfairly. He is a sociopath who needs to be behind bars.

Yet the church preaches that it reports all instances of abuse.

I think a big part of it is the rough and tumble, grit your teeth, endure to the end, pioneer spirit of Mormon culture. That combined with the "spare the rod, spoil the child" mentality.