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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
So we are outgrowing our house and me the TBW talked about different areas we could move. She brought up that there is a very small area we can move because it has to be within our current ward boundaries. She said she is comfortable in her ward and won't move out of it. She's never had a problem with moving before. This is insane. It's like arguing with a 6 year old. All of the nice new houses are outside of this ward boundary and it makes way more sense to move closer to my offices. I don't even know where to begin with this nonsense.
Maybe tell her that you will "authorize" her to remain in her old ward regardless of where you all move. You can tell her that you would be happy to tell the Bishop that it's "your fault" that she must break the rules and that if he (the almighty Bishop) doesn't allow her to attend her old ward, then she just won't be attending.
That way she can lean back on you when the friends start talking and she doesn't have to face up to it. As long as you're Ok, it might work!!
That way she can lean back on you when the friends start talking and she doesn't have to face up to it. As long as you're Ok, it might work!!
Is she scared? It sounds to me like she is afraid you will isolate her from church. Just talk to her
Does she enjoy friends or have shared memories with anyone in this neighborhood community?
Potentially she is not objectifying other women - like Legos you can put /push into place- and she wants a certain one or actual set of neighborhood folks she has shared memories with.
Perhaps your wife is similar to you and in a way you are on the same page! She wants real friends and instinctively knows or fee lk s logically that strangers won't do won't know her won't share her actual experiences past like those she knows. Isn't that what we complain about/ church people not knowing who we really are or being unaware of our pasts assuming them... if you live in an unchanged ward or neighborhood- guests what you share actual memories.
This may not be about gospel it may be about what is nice. What material life style makes nice. How simple or how grand a lifestyle do either of you hope or visualize to see yourself a success. Ponies country orchards or waterfront condos in town walkable house or larger the better. So many differently patterned lives. I really wonder if that isn't beyond or beneath the quest
Potentially she is not objectifying other women - like Legos you can put /push into place- and she wants a certain one or actual set of neighborhood folks she has shared memories with.
Perhaps your wife is similar to you and in a way you are on the same page! She wants real friends and instinctively knows or fee lk s logically that strangers won't do won't know her won't share her actual experiences past like those she knows. Isn't that what we complain about/ church people not knowing who we really are or being unaware of our pasts assuming them... if you live in an unchanged ward or neighborhood- guests what you share actual memories.
This may not be about gospel it may be about what is nice. What material life style makes nice. How simple or how grand a lifestyle do either of you hope or visualize to see yourself a success. Ponies country orchards or waterfront condos in town walkable house or larger the better. So many differently patterned lives. I really wonder if that isn't beyond or beneath the quest
Sounds like your wife spends so much time with likable ward members that she doesn't want to take a chance of being stuck in an unfriendly ward without her support group.
That's too bad because it's usually not a good idea to be forced to commute long distances to and from work if it can be avoided.
It would be far easier to travel a bit for church activities, but mormons aren't usually allowed to attend the ward of their choice although this is common in every other church I know. Even if one bishop makes an exception, the next after a couple of years likely would not.
That's too bad because it's usually not a good idea to be forced to commute long distances to and from work if it can be avoided.
It would be far easier to travel a bit for church activities, but mormons aren't usually allowed to attend the ward of their choice although this is common in every other church I know. Even if one bishop makes an exception, the next after a couple of years likely would not.
My wife is the opposite. She had a really bad experience with her calling as YW president that resulted in her early release. She still wants to go to Church, but hates facing the people in our ward.
She wants to move just to go to another ward. There is no way we are selling out house just to go to another congregation. Can you imagine that needing to happen in any other denomination?
I've told her we can either not go, just start showing up at another ward, or she can try to get permission to make it official. The house around the corner to us is for sale, and is in a different stake. We could theoretically buy it and move there. But how ridiculous is it that we should have to do that to change wards.
She wants to move just to go to another ward. There is no way we are selling out house just to go to another congregation. Can you imagine that needing to happen in any other denomination?
I've told her we can either not go, just start showing up at another ward, or she can try to get permission to make it official. The house around the corner to us is for sale, and is in a different stake. We could theoretically buy it and move there. But how ridiculous is it that we should have to do that to change wards.
Unless that move would be a financial windfall, I wouldn't do it.
If she has to stay in a miserable ward that she doesn't like, maybe she will eventually see the 'light'.
Don't do anything that enables her to stay TBM even when it doesn't work for her.
If she has to stay in a miserable ward that she doesn't like, maybe she will eventually see the 'light'.
Don't do anything that enables her to stay TBM even when it doesn't work for her.
Maybe remind your wife that ward and stake boundaries are changed all the time. One day you might be in a ward with your friends and neighbors and the next day the ward boundary line runs down the middle of the street so that you're not in the same ward as any of your friends or immediate neighbors...that happened to me and my family. Unfortunately, a change in ward boundaries ALWAYS changes friendships. Better to choose a home and neighborhood based on factors that probably won't change.
I understand your wife. I know several people who drive up to 90 min each way to go to church to stay in the same ward after they have moved (that's in Germany). She can get special permission from the stake president to still attened her old ward even if you guys move outside those ward boundaries.
Probably well I assume you have kids. If they like their YM YW it is almost like changing schools for them and why rock the boat if it can be prefented.
Probably well I assume you have kids. If they like their YM YW it is almost like changing schools for them and why rock the boat if it can be prefented.
It's very simple: she's established roots and ties where you are now.
Women tend to be nesters.
Can you make do by minimizing some possessions in the house where you're at, so it doesn't feel like it's closing in on you?
Are you able to add an addition if you stay, etc?
There's the old adage "if mom's happy, everyone is happy."
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2017 06:39AM by Amyjo.
Women tend to be nesters.
Can you make do by minimizing some possessions in the house where you're at, so it doesn't feel like it's closing in on you?
Are you able to add an addition if you stay, etc?
There's the old adage "if mom's happy, everyone is happy."
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2017 06:39AM by Amyjo.
This is all very sweet, assuming her innocent intentions and all, so I'm going to be the rat who will suggest that you dig a little deeper.
There are far too many ex-spouses on this board to ignore that she might be cultivating a greener pasture within her current ward. The innocent explanations may be the case, but at their core, TBMs also have very human motivations.
Too many exmo spouses have been blindsided by thinking that his or her TBM spouse was too devout to sin. Despite the denials and doctrine, we know that the devout are often encouraged to leave his or her exmo spouse, that it is no "sin."
You are being told in no uncertain terms that 1) her feelings are more important than yours, and, 2) her attachment to "the ward" is stronger than her attachment to you. It is said that it is healthy to believe what people say of themselves, no matter how difficult the revelation(s) may be to accept.
Deepest and most sincere apologies for bringing it up, but better to consider the matter with your eyes open. Trust, but gently verify, lest there be a nuke behind that ward door. A stealthy en garde.
There are far too many ex-spouses on this board to ignore that she might be cultivating a greener pasture within her current ward. The innocent explanations may be the case, but at their core, TBMs also have very human motivations.
Too many exmo spouses have been blindsided by thinking that his or her TBM spouse was too devout to sin. Despite the denials and doctrine, we know that the devout are often encouraged to leave his or her exmo spouse, that it is no "sin."
You are being told in no uncertain terms that 1) her feelings are more important than yours, and, 2) her attachment to "the ward" is stronger than her attachment to you. It is said that it is healthy to believe what people say of themselves, no matter how difficult the revelation(s) may be to accept.
Deepest and most sincere apologies for bringing it up, but better to consider the matter with your eyes open. Trust, but gently verify, lest there be a nuke behind that ward door. A stealthy en garde.
What other religion assigns you a to a church building ?
I guess depending on your neighborhood. I live in a weird area where the streets are not your usual blocks like in most of Utah, so I've lived here for 30+ years and they've never changed our ward boundaries, but where I grew up, it happened on both sides of my parents' house. They lived on a corner. My mother's best friend lived across one of the streets and they did a really weird division in the wards because her best friend's husband was made the bishop of the new ward. And it was really weird because my grandmother lived 4 blocks away and she was in the new ward. They did some really weird ward boundaries to do that change.
But it happened 4 times while my parents lived there. Eventually they were pretty much isolated from anyone they really were friends with and when they were elderly, only knew 1 or 2 people in the ward.
But it happened 4 times while my parents lived there. Eventually they were pretty much isolated from anyone they really were friends with and when they were elderly, only knew 1 or 2 people in the ward.
Mormonism is the only religion that I can think of that assigns members to a building, and even the time if more than one ward is using it. It's also the only one where moving out of the ward or having the boundaries shift causes the loss of friendships. In other churches, they're just happy to have butts in the pews, even if people don't live in the neighborhood. They also advertise the times of services for people to pick which one suits them and their families.
Can you use your priesthood authorities and tell your wife you prayed and HF told you to move?
Even if he could do that, I would strongly disagree with that approach. One of the biggest complaints I have is when people manipulate others through the Priesthood/GA Quotes/Scriptures etc. It's just a way for people to justify what they want.
Pick any church.
No other church will force you to go to a particular meeting house.
As others have said, who is to say TSCC won't re-draw the ward boundaries, anyway.
No other church will force you to go to a particular meeting house.
As others have said, who is to say TSCC won't re-draw the ward boundaries, anyway.
I agree with "dig deeper" comment.
Something is going on with her that might not have anything to do with the Ward boundaries.
Sometimes a woman digs her heels in as she sees a place to exert her power.
On the other hand, she likely has a strong, valid reason she wants to stay in the same Ward boundaries and school district.
(I presume you have children but you didn't say.)
See if you can find out more about her real concerns about the Ward boundaries being that important. My guess is that she has made friendships, and has become comfortable with the people she associates with.
Personally, I don't like to have to move, make new friends, put kids in different schools, etc. Fortunately, we were able to stay in the same house for several decades - 37 years in fact. Interestingly, the Ward boundaries changed three times, at least!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2017 09:19PM by SusieQ#1.
Something is going on with her that might not have anything to do with the Ward boundaries.
Sometimes a woman digs her heels in as she sees a place to exert her power.
On the other hand, she likely has a strong, valid reason she wants to stay in the same Ward boundaries and school district.
(I presume you have children but you didn't say.)
See if you can find out more about her real concerns about the Ward boundaries being that important. My guess is that she has made friendships, and has become comfortable with the people she associates with.
Personally, I don't like to have to move, make new friends, put kids in different schools, etc. Fortunately, we were able to stay in the same house for several decades - 37 years in fact. Interestingly, the Ward boundaries changed three times, at least!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/08/2017 09:19PM by SusieQ#1.
As we are told regularly, you are a member of the patriarchy. You can command her in the name of the holy priesthood to move.
(Except she won't listen)
Stupid, useless, fake priesthood.
(Except she won't listen)
Stupid, useless, fake priesthood.
Who is to say if that freedom and emptiness of constraints from working outside well outside your ward boundaries will last
When or if you move your residence near as possible to your workplAce trapping yourself again within ward boundaries social constraints
Which you presently can break and lunch outside of comfortably with no contstraints.
Re- moving a portable Mormon bubble that surrounds the home place until it encapsulates your workplace and feels socially confining you at the office
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2017 01:42AM by paintinginthewin.
When or if you move your residence near as possible to your workplAce trapping yourself again within ward boundaries social constraints
Which you presently can break and lunch outside of comfortably with no contstraints.
Re- moving a portable Mormon bubble that surrounds the home place until it encapsulates your workplace and feels socially confining you at the office
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2017 01:42AM by paintinginthewin.
That bubble power is strong man good luck I'm trying to find a new town or new city to move to but it aint easy getting out of a small town mormon bubble trust me I feel your pain.
This something that annoys me SO much about Mormonism.
If you are catholic or CofE you can go to church anywhere, you don't have to go to your local one. If you prefer the church 30 miles up the road, they will welcome you weekly, wherever you came from. Why do Mormons have to go only to their ward church? Why can't you live in one ward, but go to the church that YOU like?
If you are catholic or CofE you can go to church anywhere, you don't have to go to your local one. If you prefer the church 30 miles up the road, they will welcome you weekly, wherever you came from. Why do Mormons have to go only to their ward church? Why can't you live in one ward, but go to the church that YOU like?