My wife and I recently re-connected with one of my nieces on facebook. We moved 350 miles away from most of my family, including this niece, in 1984, so we haven't had much contact with her since then. This niece, age 53, hasn't had much to do with the church since she was a teen. We helped her out a little when she was a teen, and she was one of my wife's bridesmaids at our 1979 wedding.

Last week, my wife and she had a 5-hour phone conversation. My wife related to me afterwards that she told her that after my wife and I left the church in 1998, that niece was at a family gathering during which some of my TBM gossipy relatives were talking in hushed tones about us leaving. Our resignation was a big deal to my TBM relatives, because I'm the youngest of 12 kids, the only one to serve a mission and to serve in responsible leadership positions, etc.

So, during this conversation, my niece told the TBMs "I've known Uncle Randy all my life. If he left the church, he had a good reason to." Meaning, she knew I was honest and not a flake. My niece said that my most rabid TBM sister responded to that statement by slapping her and chastening her saying "No he didn't! He's been deceived!" My wife chuckled over that line, in light of the intense study into the church I made before and after we resigned.

This same TBM sister, a few years ago, introduced me to someone as her brother "who used to be a good person," implying of course that because I left the church, I'm right up there with Hitler and Manson.

Funny thing is, that same TBM sister's facebook posts reveal that she's pretty much as ignorant as the average TBM on matters of church history. She recently wrote me a private message which was chock-full of false statements and misconceptions, which I will respond to as time permits.

Anyhoo, it was nice that one of my relatives who knows that I'm a basically honest, decent person, a faithful, hard-working husband and father, and business owner, defended me in front of my ignorant, bigoted Mormon relatives.

Stupid and violent. Wow. Just... wow.

Randy, you and your wife are two of the finest people around. It is your family's loss to not have much contact with you. I am sorry this is happening to you.

"Randy, you and your wife are two of the finest people around."

You really think so? Maybe you should expand your circle of friends. :-)

Seriously, thanks, Eric. You and Kathy are obviously wonderful people as well. The good you have done in the world via RFM is immeasureable. You are finer than me by many magnitudes of finesity.

"It is your family's loss to not have much contact with you."

Well, lemme clarify that. The niece that defended me lived in Hawaii for many years, so she was separated from most of our Alabama relatives too. She moved back to Alabama in the 1990s. We moved to Tennessee in 1984 partly to get away from my family and their constant drama. We used to go down to visit 3-4 times a year, but since my mother died in 2010, we go only once or twice. The only large family get-together we have anymore is on the day before Easter.

So it's not like we intentionally avoid contact with each other. We keep up with each other on facebook etc. However, because we left the church, there's that "wall of silence" that gets employed in family situations---none of the TBMs want to hear one negative word about their sacred religion. I can't even tell a silly Mormon-related joke without getting dagger-eyes in response.

An example: My Mormon brother has this Easter get-together. They always invite their local missionaries. A coupla years ago, I noticed that the missionaries had signed the guestbook with "The Elders of Israel." I thought that was funny, so I turned to a TBM relative, who had been a long-time buddy, pointed to the book, and told him "Funny, they don't look Jewish." I thought I had come up with a clever one-liner, but my TBM relative wasn't amused at all.

<sarcasm>

I hope it was a charitable "Christian" slap...

</sarcasm>

*sigh*

Some just can't see the forest for the trees...

randyj Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

> So, during this conversation, my niece told the
> TBMs "I've known Uncle Randy all my life. If he
> left the church, he had a good reason to."
> Meaning, she knew I was honest and not a flake.
> My niece said that my most rabid TBM sister
> responded to that statement by slapping her and
> chastening her saying "No he didn't! He's been
> deceived!"

She was slapped for saying you are a decent person? Really?


> This same TBM sister, a few years ago, introduced
> me to someone as her brother "who used to be a
> good person," implying of course that because I
> left the church, I'm right up there with Hitler
> and Manson.

And people wonder why exmormons become "bitter." I contend
that the cause of the 'bitterness" is the treatment exmos get
from their friends and family after leaving the Church.

"She was slapped for saying you are a decent person? Really?"

I think it's more accurate to say that my niece was slapped because my sister is a misinformed, brainwashed cultist. When your religion teaches you that the religion is perfect and correct in all matters, and that everyone who leaves it is a deceived sinner, my sister's reaction wasn't surprising.

"And people wonder why exmormons become "bitter." I contend
that the cause of the 'bitterness" is the treatment exmos get
from their friends and family after leaving the Church."

Ya know, I try not to be bitter about it. I prefer to deal with it with wry, sarcastic humor. After all, I know that I know 1000 times more about Mormonism than my TBM relatives do, and that their attitudes are the product of ignorance and prejudice. And I realize that I was once like them. So I try to cut them a little slack and not demonstrate any bitterness. What's that saying, "The best revenge is a life well lived."

That particular TBM sister is now on her third "eternal husband," and she's lived on and off of some type of financial assistance for most of her adult life. I and other relatives have helped to rescue her many times over the years. But because she's a righteous Latter-Day Saint, she still believes that she's "a little bit superior."