Hello there, everyone! I've been lurking here for several months now and have decided I might as well start posting. My story is common amongst the ranks here. I was BIC. My mother was also born into the church, but my dad was a convert, mostly so he could marry my mom. I grew up as the ideal TBM, going to primary, working my way into priesthood when I turned twelve, giving plenty of talks in front of my ward, and even managing to (somewhat begrudgingly) survive early-morning seminary throughout high school. While I had my doubts as I aged, I always accepted that "God would explain everything" in the afterlife. Then in my senior year of high school my testimony took a dump. I hadn't read the BoM in ages, I had stopped praying, I HATED waking up at 4:45 in the morning to go to seminary, and I started questioning the existence of God. During this time I also decided to stop following some of the rules where I could, and began to discover some of the simple pleasures of a free life. All the while, I still planned on going on a mission in the hopes that maybe I would find the answers I was looking for and regain my faith. I decided that instead of going straight on a mission, I'd take a year of college while I decided if it was for me.

That was one of the best decisions I've made. I am still in that first year, and am currently a freshman at ASU (Give 'em hell, Devils!). About a month into school, I had looked up something about missions and stumbled across some topics on this site that were related to it. This wasn't the first time I had seen this site, but it was the first time I actually got on it and read anything. Before I had always thought it was some group founded by the devil himself to lead away the upstanding members of the church. I have found that to be quite wrong. Anyway, after looking around a little, I found a link to the CES letter, which I read with great interest. That really was the key to my apostasy. All of my other questions were of little importance compared to the information in those papers.

After all of this, I decided there was no way I'd go on a mission. But then there was the parent issue. My TBM mother would constantly ask me things about when I was going to start working on mission papers. I had been trying to think of a good way to let her know I wasn't planning on going, but one day she pushed too much and I just let it all out. It sucks to hear your mother say she "failed as a mom" just because you've decided you don't believe the same things as her. But she's accepted it, and only sometimes does things to try to get me to return to the fold. My father has been much more accepting of all of this, especially since he himself has had some of the same questions as me. His only concern was that it was my non-member girlfriend who changed my mind, but once he was convinced it was all my own decision, he's been fine with it. Now I'm just living life as an exmo, and have managed not to become the demon spawn the church leads you to believe everyone who leaves must be. It has been weeks since I've been to church, which feels great. All those members of my ward who thought I was their golden boy must be wondering where I've gone... Haha

Thanks for sharing your story. Glad you made it out.
As far as being 'their golden boy' the only thing that LDS Corp is really interested in is your gold.
I'm glad that - from now and on into the future, your gold will be yours, and not given to a corporation that does not deserve it and has done nothing to earn it.
Congratulations!

Good for you for finding the truth early in life, and good for your parents for what is a relatively mild reaction to your choices regarding the church.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your parents is lead a positive and happy life.

Congrats and Good Luck!

Welcome to being "out" and free!
Oh, and...go Sundevils!

You better let your mom know how much you love and respect her. She's earned it!

Congratulations!

I was a convert at 18 and stayed in the TSCC for 34 years. I faithfully raised my children in the church, but never got the memo that I would be a failure as a Mother if my children used their free agency and decided to leave the church. My faith in God was stronger than my faith in the church, which I saw as a tool. My children would have to find their own way and God would lead them like he did me, so I had no worries.

Then I walked out on sabbatical leave and never went back.

I took my "golden boy" with me. The ward had been telling me they would pay for his mission. I'd ask "Will the ward also pay my rent the whole time he is gone and until he returns and gets a job?"(I'm head of household)
No? Then he can't go.

Then I walked out.

His closest friend was on his mission and upset to find my son wasn't in church when he came back. He came to my house to invite my son to his Missionary Welcome.

I told him as gently as I could; my son was in Portland at the largest Pirate Fair where they were going to set a Guinness World record for the most "Pirates" in one place.

His reason to be at that fair was he was teaching Sword Fighting!

(How cool was that?) Would you like to know how to sword fight well enough to teach? And demonstrate your craft at a Pirate Fair?

Or would you like to be at a Sacrament Meeting hearing someone's claims about "The best two years of my life" Missionary Return speech?


Come back and ask any questions here, it's great place for decent advice. They will even argue each others points as well as advice you.

I've seen the suggestions on how to handle awkward situations range from the subtle to the crass and they can all work!

Congrats and welcome to rfm. I'm glad to hear that your leaving Mormonism is going so well for you. That is great!

Great news!

That internet is of the Devil.

Great to hear your story. Glad to have you aboard!!

I too suggest you let your Mum know how much you love her and that you do NOT see her as a failure. The fact that she raised someone as honest as you and that you felt able, even if reluctant, to tell her that you were not going to go on a mission or be a lifelong LDS, speaks volumes to me. She raised a son with integrity, that is VERY special.

I wish you all the very best for your future and hope to see you here often!

Congratulations! How wonderful that your parents are at a relative peace with your decision. Now you are free to enjoy the rest of your life.

Success is the best revenge (for those convinced you made the wrong choice).

Stay in school/complete school and grad school.
Continue to use your mind and make rational decisions.
Be a decent, gracious human being.

Congratulations! Go Stan! Um, er, Devils!

Hell must be wearing garments in Arizona...

I love success stories like yours! Thank you for finally sharing it with us.

I, too, think you have really good parents! I'm glad they stopped blaming your girlfriend. Mormons like to put blame on non or ex Mormons. You have a lot of strength to stand against so much ward pressure, and refuse to throw away two years of your life. We all know that cult pressure can be intense!

I love that mother's reply about her needing her son to help pay the rent. We all need our children to be normal and happy, and build a career, education, and to sword-fight. My kids skied, snowboarded, wake boarded, hiked, and always worked at jobs. They put themselves through school, with my minimal help as a single mother. Missions would have set us too far back as a family, maybe to the point of not being as successful as we were.

Warning! I have a feeling it isn't over with the ward members. They will harass and love-bomb you and shun you. They might become aggressive. Stay strong, in standing up to them.

They might try to manipulate your mother into putting pressure onto you. How dare they say your mother has failed as a mother--when she has succeeded in allowing you to live your own life, and make your own very wise choices? Give her a corsage at your graduation!

Thanks for all the support! I've already made sure to let my mom know how much I love and appreciate her. My family's been great about all this, even though they don't agree with me about everything.

As for the ward, there's not much they can do. It's a two hour drive from school to my hometown, so the only time they could harass me would be when I visit on the weekends or breaks. And I'm half convinced that those who don't know I'm out think I'm probably attending the university ward, so I'm not worried about it. Most of the people in my ward were decent people, and I think they'd accept the fact that I've left anyway.

Congrads on finding freedom of mind! Glad you have support in your Dad about the questions you had and his acceptance of your girlfriend.

Good advice to love your mom in helping her with the pain she feels because of the teachings of the false church.

We left several years after our sons, because one son had planted a seed about the corporation side of the lds church. The news reports about the financial side of mormon church and City Creek Mall woke us up. Realized the Mormon church leaders resemble the Pharisees who put such heavy loads on the members to work while the leaders take the tithing to themselves.

Wishing you much success in your future.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2015 12:00PM by optional2.

An odd note: I thought it was kind of funny that your father was concerned you were maybe leaving the church for a girl, when that's the very reason he joined.

Best wishes.