Not sure if I have ever posted here before so hello all.I am a never mo raised around alot of them and relgion has always held some sort of wierd fascination for me.Anyway......My hubby was raised as a JW, and is only know starting to figure out the damge it has caused.I came across a quote yesterday that lead to something intersting and thought I would ask you guys how you feel.

The quote was this

I now realize that the good man that I love is a victim of spiritual abuse, and truly has parents who would rather have things their way than what is best for their children.

His thoughts are yes thats true but only because of being JW.

Mine are abit more muddle that way as in,his parents converted in there 20s after they where married,and so they do know other ways of life and it was more their choice then the I am a JW thing.I guess for me it becomes more of a using the fact that you are a JW,mormon,etc as an excuss not to let your kids do stuff that for what ever reson you don't want them to do.In his case to play sports.

I am rambling and not sure how much sense this has made,always sounds much better in my head lol.

What says the wise peeps here

Could be either way. Mainstream religious or non religious people sometimes behave that way with their kids. I think people in cult-like religions are way more likely to treat their kids that way.

It is hard for outsiders to fully understand and comprehend the long term and maybe even permanent damage these systems can do to people.

I know for me from the outside looking in it can be hard to see.I guess my thought has always been who or what bears the ultimite resposiblity the religion or the parents?Or maybe that is way to black and white thinking ,and being that I have never lived it.Also tainted by the fact that I am not the biggest fan of his parents clouding my judgement.Thought I would ask on exmo boards because most of the JW ones move pretty slow.

I've thought about that too sometimes. I used to be really mad at my parents for raising me in what I consider to be a cult. But then I started thinking about how they really were trying to do the best they knew how with the information they had. They were true believers. So their intent wasn't to do anything wrong, it was just the opposite.

In my case I definitely think the system caused the problem rather than my parents. The most important thing for me at this stage of recovery is where do I go from here rather than trying to figure out who is to blame.

If you are trying to help him recover, he might need to work through those things. If you are just exploring the ideas of how this stuff works in an academic sense, I get it. I love reading psychology of belief stuff. Fascinating how these systems can control us.

Where is that quote from? I'd like to see the full article.

My parents both came from some really crappy families. I think they liked mormonism because it had so many absolute rules. They liked the rules because it gave them something to follow without them having to take any responsibility for them.

It gave them a way to lay down rules without ever having to discuss anything with their kids. We knew where the rules came from, and we'd better follow them or be punished by them AND God. It made for a miserable childhood.

I spent a lot of my childhood trying to reason with unreasonable people. My mother informed me that I was a difficult child. I asked her if she'd ever considered that maybe she was a difficult parent. She hung up the phone, and hasn't spoke to me since. That was about 25 years ago.

My parents got involved in the lds church as teenagers.

I see them as victims.

The Mormon system starts early teaching children and having adults and parents teach children to OBEY authority especially church leaders. Some parents just do the best they know how.

People that have experienced restrictive controlling system need to de-program. ... to learn new ways.

I like some information from Steve Hassan he has a book "Freedom of Mind".
https://freedomofmind.com/Info/BITE/bitemodel.php

BITE stands for Behavior, Information, Thought and Emotional control. One thing He said people that leave controlling groups have trouble trusting authority.

One website about spiritual abuse, that was informative to me after leaving Mormonism was. http://www.batteredsheep.com/ Maybe they have some information that would help.

I also like irr.org they have some info on JWs besides Mormonism and other groups.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2015 05:14PM by optional2.

here is the link it is about a blog about fundmentalims http://spiritualsoundingboard.com/2013/12/20/a-young-womans-relationship-with-her-boyfriend-is-shattered-by-christian-patriarchy/
Thanks guys for your links and also I guess what worries me the most is where his anger is placed and is it being misplaced.I guess I worry that he can direct it to the church and not his parents and that that might jump up and bite him on the ass.....