We tend to have suicide clusters at my job. Some are straight up the-family-wants-everyone-to-know suicides. We had a murder suicide that made the paper. We had someone run his Victory into a wall.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if someone killed themselves/took their own life/however you put it without blaming the person who was hurting. It's none of our business, but we, for the most part, are veterans of many wars, and sometimes *poof*. And then *poof* And then *poof*. People die and disappear.

So, we get an email: "It is with great sadness that I tell you that ______ passed away. Two Chaplains will be here tomorrow from 10am - 12pm on the 2nd and 3rd floors. When we have more information about the memorial service, we'll let you know, meanwhile there's EAP..." <-- the same email on repeat.

Um, I don't need a chaplain. How about a shrink/therapist comes in addition to the chaplains? How about not assuming everyone who works here believes in god/s? How about acknowledging that many of us were sold short by chaplains when we were on active duty? How about finding out how *long* it takes to see an EAP counselor before telling us to use EAP? How about getting out of your managment bubble and realize that this person's life was worth so much more that two chaplains for two hours each?

Welcome to the Board, DB. Working through grieving with suicide completes requires many support systems. I would hope in addition to shrinks and chaplains, there would be grief counselors and support groups. Sometimes, we need groups like RfM or friends to help us.

I hope that you’ll feel comfortable posting here. We’re not perfect, but there’s a lot of support and caring here. I hope you’ll find a place with us. The Boner.

I just happen to be drunk posting.

I'm not sockpuppeting. Just being like, can I get a pass tonight? I'm so very sad.

And noooooope! We're ex-military. We don't need no stinking grief counselors! They're sending two chaplains from the VAMC, and it's like, you guys can't spare a counselor for two hours, because 4 hours total / 200 people = damn good chaplaining.

Tone deaf bastards running the joint. And the fish is rotten from the head down.

Oh Beth!!! Big (((((((hugs))))))). Boner.

Can't you go to a local VA center and get an appointment for a counselor? I hear good and bad things on the level of care and how long you have to wait, but usually if you go and start acting depressed or emotional, they usually attend to you kind of fast or even overreact to someone who isn't suicidal, but he's very upset and his actions are scaring them.
Making you have to overdo some expressions yo make them take you seriously . Maybe if you start out in the emergency room very distressed, they'd move up your appointment time or however they do it.
I'm only guessing right now what kind of care you need, but if I know more, I might be able to suggest something , hopefully.
My husband retired 2 years ago and uses VA services

My point is that they are bringing in chaplains to the VBA. ETA: To our office. That's it. Not a thought given to the fact that not everyone wants to see a chaplain. Not everyone believes in god. My friend's life is worth more that 10 minutes with a chaplain.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2017 01:06AM by drunkbeth.

And some of them don't believe in god.

Stupid VBA. Stupid textbook, oh damn. Another died. Send in the chaplains. Send out the email. Keep working.

I do not know how my friend died. As odd as this will sound, how he died is irrelevant.

My friend who did 12 tours is drunk on Crown Royal right now. He goes home, kisses his wife and kids, and goes in a room and drinks. No one disturbs him. He drinks. It's the only way he can sleep.

There's a reason I'll never own a firearm.

Why are they sending chaplains for serious issues. They aren't trained for that in the same was a psychiatrist or psychologist would ,you're right about the religion part too if the person isn't religious , so there don't be any click or bond there.
Chaplains also can't ( don't think)prescribe meds or give certain test. Suicide has been a serious problem for quite a while now in the military and when out of it.
Do they have group sessions, where the people in the group have problems in common or the same issues given by a real medical pro and not just some chaplain. I didn't know they used chaplains for medical appointments.

These a military chaplains. They work at the VAMC, but [eta some] have also been in the field and stationed who knows where. These are the folks that many vets *are* comfortable with - but not all.

Psychologists cannot prescribe meds either, but it would be nice to have some folks to talk to who are not tied up with religion.

The point isn't that this is going to substitute a mental workup. It's not. No one is going to be diagnosed. That's not the object. Those who present needing more serious help will be referred to EAP or something. EAP = Employee Assistance Program = three free therapy sessions.

Sending in the chaplains is Just The Way It's Done, has always been done, and ugh. They need to augment it.

We don't do grief counseling right.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/27/2017 09:32AM by drunkbeth.

All we know is that those of us who have worked there for a while have seen it. It's the anxiety of Who Is Dying Next? Who is going to die next? What person in their 30s or 40s is going to die next? We whisper the question, we think we've made it, and then another person dies.

up to work, THEY SEND THE COPS TO YOUR HOUSE.

Is that normal? I have NEVER worked anywhere else where two hours after you're supposed to be at work and you haven't called out sick and they can't reach you on the phone they send the cops for a welfare check on your UA/MIA ass.

We're not even adults anymore.

Beth, are you in danger?

After I push them over so I can have some room.

I'm really sorry about the non-stop posting.

I'm not in any danger; I'm just so sad and anxious. So very sad.

He was a kind and gentle man. He was soft-spoken and reached out to anyone he thought could use some kindness and caring. He was generous with his time. He was real. His compassion was real. He wasn't jaded. I never heard him complain about anything or anyone. He didn't gossip nor would he listen to gossip. He was generous with his time. He offered to mentor people. He was loved. And I've made the mental transition from "is" to "was". He was.

Don't be sorry about non-stop posting. I did it myself when my ex died seven months ago--and even tried to hide it was me.

I know how you feel. The loss is just too much.

... too shocking.

...through that. I don't know how a person gets through that, and I am grateful that you have reached out to me.


I just got off the phone with the veteran crisis line. It's the same number as the suicide hotline sticky on the first page of the board - how I know is I used the sticky to call, and thank Admin for putting it there.

I feel better. I know it's temporary, but it's better. Stopped drinking, so that's good. I don't hold my liquor well. Better drink water.

The therapist said when everyone is meeting with the chaplains, call us. Call back in ten minutes, ten hours, 24/7. No, I'm not bothering them, and no I don't have to be on the brink of suicide to call. No, I'm not taking up precious time that would be better spent on someone else. My issues are important, too.

Okay. G'night for real.

(((kathleen)))

Please try to get lots of rest. The trauma you've been through is not much different than physical injury--like an auto accident. Just please rest.