Mine was one time I had a seminary teacher who gave everyone a WHOLE lesson on the evils of mooning people cause his wife got mooned by some kid on a school bus so we got to hear a lesson on how evil it is! And how we BETTER NEVER EVER moon anyone! LOL yes cause I was just TOTALLY planning out my daily moonings let me tell ya! Haha and the rest of the day everyone who had him for a seminary teacher were all telling each other "have fun with seminary today your gonna get a lesson on mooning my friend told me that with a smirk on her face and I was just like "huh" lol oh well at least it was more entertainin then hearin about ol Joe the man ho and about how this is the one twoo chuuuch

And then one time I had a seminary teacher who called two people up to the front of the class and had one person pretend to be a missionary and the other to pretend to be an investigator to practice for our missions. Funny though they didn't have them practice teaching about the book of Abraham Joe's wondering p*nis or abouts how you cant enter the temple without paying a full tithe cause the lord needs his MONEY! Oh man! What I know now that I didn't know back then!

My regular seminary teacher wasn't really all that bad -- sort of an early "new order mormon," back in the 70's. He was pretty laid back -- which was nice, but didn't alleviate the pain of getting up early every morning and going to a religion class.

One week, though, he went on vacation -- so we had a "sub." The sub was...our bishop. Probably because he couldn't get anybody else to get up early that week, so had to do it himself!

Anyway, this was the same bishop who used to start every Aaronic priesthood interview with, "When was the last time you French-kissed a girl? You know, of course, that's the first step to full-on sex, pregnancy, and outer darkness...?"

So seminary that week sucked. He seemed a bit upset that we hadn't been drilling on our bible book memorization, so we spent most of the week singing the bible book song (you know, the one set to the tune of "Praise to the Man," that goes, "Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus and Numbers..."). And on the last day (Friday), we got a long lesson about the absolute evils of holding hands, touching, kissing, petting, etc. I remember at the time that lesson made me think of two things:

-- how did this guy ever have kids?
-- I can't wait to try some of that there touching, kissing, petting, and etc.!

What a waste of my time :(

Joe's WANDERING p*nis not WONDERING p*his! Gosh! "Oh yes my p*nis is totally wondering who he should fool around with tonight! Should we roll a dice?! Assign a different girl to each numba & Whateva numba it lands on will be the girlio of the night! 1=Emma 2=Fanny 3=Zina 4=the Maria and Sarah Lawrence sisters cause as Taylor swift and (whoever she sang that song with I forgot there name at the moment exude my morning brain) know "two is BEETER than one!" 5=Helen or 6=all of the freakin above! Joe rolls aww its a 1 dammit! :( ( Joe sneakily grins and hurries and flips it over to a six) and exclaims AWWW now THATS more like it! I like that!!! Ya I like that!!!!

I had a pretty cool seminary teacher once too he was from new Zealand had a cool accent and didn't mind that I slept through a lot of the lessons (well he might have but he never said anything to me about it bless his heart!) Lol and brought us doughnuts a lot so I didn't mind that class I never took early morning seminary no way in HELLS BELLS was I gonna do that I'm NOT a morning girl! Man I'm so sorry you had to endure that that must have been awful! Schools already tiring enough without a freaking religious class to start it out! Man!

And oh my gosh your bishop! a oh MAN like its his business when your last French kiss was! And LOL LOL! that's awesome! I actually used to think the exact same thing! When they would tell us no heavy petting touching kissing I was always like oh ha I cant wait to do some of that! I bet ALOT of Mormons are thinking that! LOL in fact back when I was mormon this is a little embarrassing to admit but when I would read the "for strength of youth handbook" and read the sexual purity part id kind of enjoy reading it and id be thinkin to myself oh this is so erotic! And when id go to efy and they had the dances when I got to hold the guys hand id be like "YES" oh yaa baby! I GET TO HOLD HIS HAND This is like mormon sex! Oh....dear and ya I wonder if the bishops and leaders have any idea that talk like no heavy petting touching kissing ect. Ect. Actually makes kids think how they cant wait to do that instead of keeping them away from it all it really ever does is plant it in there minds LOL

Joey/Briggy--young lady, your posts remind of of a story I heard about a Catholic priest, here re-formatted for a Bishop (Melhchizi-DICK priest) interview:

A man went to his bishop for his his TR interview. "Have you had any out-of-wedlock sex?" the bishop asked.
"Yes," the man confessed. "Saturday night I seduced a virgin."
"That's horrible," the bishop intoned. "Was it Sariah Magilicuddy?"
"I don't think I should reveal the confidence," the man answered.
"Was it Zina Pratt?"
"I think the girl should confess it herself."
"Don't tell me it was Kaylee Sorensen?"
"Bishop, I'm not going to tell you," the man said firmly.

The bishop concluded the interview, and prescribed a plan of repentance. "But I want to see you next Sunday!" he concluded.

A friend of the TR-seeker asked him how the interview went.
"Better than I expected. I got a week's probation, and three good leads."

Ninth grade seminary in 1965: An audio recording of "Communism, Hypnotism and the Beatles." It was actually trying to tie the Beatles in with a plot by the USSR to hypnotize young people in America in order to take over the USA. What this had to do with religion I'll never know. I had a hard time not laughing out loud.

I don't think I ever got the Beattles=USSR=Communism lesson, but I'm not surprised. Wasn't Ezra Taft Benson sorta famous for that kind of thing? If memory serves, he was of the mind that the civil rights movement, and the equal rights amendment, were just communism/socialism in disguise.

The most interesting seminary lesson I had was when my teacher told us of a time in his youth when he was confronted by an evil spirit. The story went that one night he awoke to find an evil spirit at the end of his bed looking down on him. The evil spirit jumped him and they physically wrestled the entire night. As the sun started to come up in the morning, my teacher said that he put his arm to the square and commanded the evil spirit to depart. The evil spirit left (due to the power of the priesthood), and exhausted…my teacher fell onto his bed and passed out.

The kids in my class were sitting there stunned with their jaws on the table. You could hear a pin drop in the classroom. For me though, my bullshit detector was screaming in my head. I slowly raised my hand and said, “If you could have raised your arm to the square and cast the evil spirit out of your presence at any time, why didn’t you just do that in the beginning and save yourself a night of getting your ass kicked?” A few in the class started to chuckle and the teacher asked me to leave. As I was walking out the door I yelled back, “It sounds like you had a bad dream and wrestled with your pillow all night. Who won?” I could hear the class roaring with laughter as the door closed behind me.

The next best seminary experience occurred when we were watching the Tom Trails filmstrip. It was the episode when Tom’s girlfriend (Lilly?) was killed in a car wreck. When the filmstrip showed her hand hanging out of the busted car door window, the entire class erupted in un-temple worthy loud laughter. Hardly the effect I think the filmstrip was going for.

I don't know if these are the most interesting, but they're the most WTF:

My 9th grade Seminary teacher explained that we could soundly believe that the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, but then the rest of the Bible story shifts quickly to Middle East/North Africa. He said that the earth was in its Pangea state at that time, and so they were closer in distance. Ugh...that's not what we learned in 8th grade earth science...shelf!

Runner Up:

To this day, I get a kick out of the Seminary videos from the 1990's. My 10th grade teacher was a slacker--really into these ugh great teaching resources. Godly Sorrow was particularly shocking, but hey they happened to uncover a great talent in Aaron "What about the Pain" Eckhardt. It was clearly a testimony building experience for him, or not, oops! He's on our side of the street now.

For the uninitiated, Godly Sorrow is an awful slut shaming movie about a young woman who admits to Bishop Maxwell that she was involved with another guy before she marries her TBM prince (the aforementioned pain guy). Only Bishop Maxwell gets the juicy details about what happened (disappointing--it would have been far more interesting with a full confession). She has to repent, cancel her wedding in the Provo space vessel, and wait to marry TBM prince. TBM prince is upset, parents are upset. Lesson: Never confess to the bishop...ugh...I mean repentance is painful but it works out better and the pain---it's gone.

He used it as an object lesson on the power of the priesthood. He was about 5'3 and weighed about 120 lbs. I think he really enjoyed letting the girls rub the barrel.

Most of the time my seminary classes consisted of me sleeping, day-dreaming, looking out the window wishing I was sluffing like the kids who were, or sluffing.

But, one day the teacher did get my attention which actually ended up making me ill, actually ill. The lesson consisted of a detailed, and I do mean detailed, description of the scientific affects of crucifiction. The description went on and on and I went on and on with my stomach and head turning.

How this teacher decided this was needed or healthy for us to hear is beyond me. And, my sluffing his class shot up even higher....I attended just enough to meet the requirements for passing the class.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2017 05:46PM by presleynfactsrock.

Now I admit this was gross, but it was hilarious to a bunch of teenagers. A mentally challenged kid sitting in the back row was masturbating while Brother Jenkins was droning on in front of the class. I don't remember the lesson but I remember that.

Oh my god..... did the teacher ever notice?

I really don't think the teacher noticed. If he did he covered it well and didn't want to deal with the problem.

How funny.

The evils of Rock music, specifically The Rolling Stones and "You Can't Get no Satisfaction." 1966, Sandy, UT, Jordan High school Seminary.

I don't remember if I'd ever heard "Satisfaction" before then, but I know I went out that night and bought the album, $1.99, from my earnings at Safeway.

I liked it Okay, but there's still lots of 60's rock that I liked better than that one.

I had long hair (skater haircut) and was contemplating cutting it before putting in my mission papers. But my 12th grade seminary teacher pulled me up to the front of the classroom to mock me and make an example of me of how a perspective Elder should NOT look. This happened on several occasions in class. I vowed to never cut my hair until after seminary graduation which I did not attend.

It took me another 23 years before my mind developed enough to where I could discern scientific facts from religious fiction.

I was in the 9th grade and attended “release time” seminary in SE Idaho. So I had a teacher trained and in the full time employment of the church. He taught us that in Joseph Smith’s time another way they referred to “angels” was to call them “white salamanders”. I thought “what the...?” It wasn’t long after that lesson that Mark Hoffman was exposed. I never did get that lesson again.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2017 07:55PM by orthus.

Strangely enough the only seminary lesson I rembered was when

the teacher made an offhand remark about how he came home from

vacation and found ants on his wheat bread but not the white

bread leading him to conclude that white bread was crap and

wheat bread was good.

I never listened to lessons , I did my homework instead.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/20/2017 07:55PM by saucie.

I returned last Friday from a two week vacation in Italy. I have had many humanities and art history classes and having been to the country before I was prepared for the overwhelming onslaught of art. I thought. I was in the Sistine Chapel and looked to the central section where God created the sun and moon. There was the Almighty with His robe hiked up flashing the perfect moon shot. Naturally, I pointed it out to my friend and she and I collapsed in silly giggles. After coming home I immediately researched the issue and yes, it was Michelangelo':s equivalent of the middle finger to the Pope. Julius was ill and Sgr. Biomass rotti wanted to get paid so he painted that last panel freehand to finish the work. There are apparently other subversive or tongue in cheek touches in the work that I'll learn about when I finish the book I bought.

Buonarotti. Auto correct drives me nuts sometimes.

Buonarotti to you, too!

I'm confused, what does your trip to Italy have to do with your most interesting seminary lesson?

Did I miss something?

saucie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm confused, what does your trip to Italy have to
> do with your most interesting seminary lesson?
>
> Did I miss something?


It posted in the wrong place. It should have gone under the story about mooning being evil. My bad.

I attended early morning seminary in CA. I've never been a morning person and it was really difficult for me to stay awake. Even worse, I was "called" to be the secretary, which meant that I had to take roll and attend a 5:45 AM meeting a couple of times a year.

Most of my family are not Mormon, so I was the only person in the family getting up very early. My friend's dad drove me to Seminary. On the morning of the super early morning meeting I got a ride with someone else in the class who also had to go to the meeting, and forgot to tell my friend's dad not to pick me up. I was really quiet when I got up so I wouldn't wake my family, so no one heard me leave the house.

When my friend's dad came by my house to pick me up and found that I wash't at home, he panicked and was sure that I had run away. My mom didn't know where I was and my sister said that since my blow dryer was in the bathroom she didn't think I had run away. My friend's dad insisted on calling the police who came by and filed a missing person report.

When my friend's dad showed up at seminary with his daughter and saw me sitting in the class he was angry with me for not telling him not to pick me up. My mom wasn't angry with me because she was so impressed that I got up so early to attend a meeting.

The only thing I remember about seminary is that it was extremely boring and I hated getting up early. I also remember toilet papering the teacher's house with the entire class at 1:00 AM. That was fun!

I didn't attend very often because my parents believed that sleep was important for adolescents, but one of the times I did attend, the teacher - a recent RM someone saw fit to call as a seminary teacher - showed up at the usual 6:00 a.m. with all sorts of veggies and a few fruits as well stuck in her hair. She went about the lesson as though nothing was amiss. We knew we were supposed to comment on her strange coiffure, but no one did for the longest time. The lesson dragged because she had probably planned to start it with the discussion of the produce all over her head, which no one mentioned. Eventually some molly in the front asked her what was up with all the onions, carrots, tomatoes, green peppers, potatoes, bananas, grapes, snap peas, okra, and whatever else she had tucked away up there.

She said that she was wearing the veggies and fruits because they were very nutritious, and she intended to take advantage of that nutrition. We just stared at her and shook our heads as thought what she had said was perfectly logical. Because we didn't argue with her, she had to ask leading questions, which led to whether or not a person could gain nutrients from foods by virtue of wearing them in one's hair. One guy suggested that trace elements might conceivably be absorbed if the foods came into contact with one's skin, as in otherwise, why would anyone bother with lotion containing Vitamin E, etc. (Vitamin E lotion was big back then.)

Finally the same molly that first asked about the produce all over the teacher's head suggested that the foods needed to be eaten for a body to derive significant nutritional benefit. It was the teacher's AHA moment. She spent the next thirty minutes expounding on how we all carry scriptures around but don't bother reading them, and how what we do is the same as wearing produce in our hair with the idea that we'll get any nutritional benefit from the practice. The teacher then began plucking pieces of produce out of her hair and taking bites out of each piece to further her point. One girl asked if it wouldn't be a better idea to wash the fruits and veggies first, but it didn't slow her down. She must have skipped breakfast that morning.

My dad later told me, after I had shared the story with him, that she had lifted the story from a Sunday School manual from the 80's which she somehow must have come across.

Gawd, how I wish we'd all had cell phones with photography and video capacity back in the day. My description doesn't do justice to this incident.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/21/2017 12:52AM by scmd.

Caffiend hahahahaha that's hilarious! Scme and Jaxon I SOOOO wish I could have been there in your guyses classes! That's SOOO funny lol he made you leave class? Where is his sense of humor?! Oh that's right "NO LOUD LAUGHING!" LOL Nole girl oh man hopefully my old seminary teacher doesn't ever see THAT painting don't think he would like that too much his lesson on the evils of mooning was a dead serious lesson he wasn't trying to be funny and whenever someone laughed he glared at them Tom Padley I know how you feel I also had a hard time not "laughing out loud" during "the evils of mooning" lesson its just hard to keep a straight face sometimes when our lessons were soo...unique huh?

These experiences weren't in seminary but they were also....interesting classroom experiences one substitute teacher I had came dressed up in a big purple suit and green bow tie he put on some weird movie for us to watch I don't even remember for sure what it was about but it was WEIRD! Then he randomly came walked up to the front of the class turned the movie off wrote the word "Gothic" on the board and was like "today class were going to listen to some of my favorite music then he gave us a big smile and turned on this noise than sounded like a cat being murdered" he left it on for only like a minute then turned it off and went and sat back down. It was very....interesting then I had another substitute teacher who's name was "Mr. Shiverdecker" and I came in and whispered "Shiva me timbers" to my friends (I didnt think he could even hear me) and he started crying and said if he knew who had said that he would have sent them to detention luckily nobody ratted me out! I felt kinda bad though! Poor guy must have had his name made fun of a lot! He seemed pretty sensitive about it!

If anyones last name is shiverdecker on here I'm sorry I hope you don't hate me now! Just thought of that lol

None. We had home study seminary and all I remember were lessons with drawings about inappropriate dress for women. We had to circle the shamefully dressed girls with low necklines and short skirts. The good girls wore long skirts and necklines to their chin. When we went to the monthly meetings they were all about scripture chasing. I am proud to say I dropped out of seminary after the first year. Total waste of time and energy.

I didn't go to Seminary. My family were non-members and there was no way that any of them were getting up at the crack of dawn to take me to Seminary. I probably wouldn't have gone anyway, even if they'd offered. Too early in the morning.

I did go to Institute though. I remember a lesson where we were talking about how the government would be set up during the Millenium.

The teacher asked, "Will there be any non-members in the government?" and everyone piped in with, "No! No way. Of course not."

I said, "Well now wait a minute. How would you feel if you were that non-member and you didn't have any representation or say in your government?"

Everyone went silent and just sort of stared at me. The teacher said that I had a point. I think he and his family left the Church some years later. LOL

I'm glad your institute teacher left the morg!

I went to institute only once. The lesson was about forgiveness and the teacher bragged about how he'd been working with a woman in church who had been sexually abused by her father who was in prison for what he had done to her. The teacher was so proud of himself for convincing the woman to forgive her father for sexually abusing her. Not only did she forgive him but she also gave him a "big hug." I was stunned that the poor woman was coerced into hugging her father who had sexually abused her her entire life. I never returned to institute.

Not so much "interesting" but shocking.

Senior year - the teacher had a 3 month old baby girl. The lesson was Abraham and the sacrifice of his son Isaac.

He said (with the most serious demeanor I had witnessed in my 17 years) that he would not hesitate to sacrifice his newborn if god asked him to. He went on to say that he would be sad but he knows that god would bless he and his wife in other ways. One of the kids spoke up and said, "Does your wife agree with you?" - he replied that he had not discussed that with her but he was "almost certain" she would.

So relieved I'm out

Oh my gosh!!! That is absolutely terrifying!!! :( "he would be sad but he knew God would bless he and his wife in other ways" that's just terrible! :( I'm so relieved I'm out as well!

This was a version of the licked-cupcake lesson.

The teacher passed around a piece of home-made caramels. He urged everyone to touch it, feel it, as much as you like, do everything but eat it, and then pass it on to the next person, until everyone had handled the piece of caarmel candy.

Then he produced a plate of caramels all wrapped up in waxed paper. He put the much-handled piece of carmel in amongst the ones that were wrapped in waxed paper.

He urged everyone to select a piece of caramel and eat it.

The idea was that no one would select the much-handled unwrapped caarmel, and then he would announce that the lesson was really about chastity and licked cupcakes and all the rest of it.

Only someone DID select and consume the unwrapped caramel. He said it looked good and so he selected it and ate it. The wrapped caramels, you couldn't tell what you were getting. He wasn't trying to sabotage the teacher or anything. He didn't know that this was really about chastity and not about eating caramels at 7:00 in the morning, which I thought was a pleasant thing to do.

So the teacher didn't get to make his point, but we all got to eat caramels.

My seminary teacher (this was in California) was a dentist and showed videos of his wife's C-section. This was back in the day before that was allowed but with his medical background, he was able to pull some strings and get in the surgery to film. I can't remember what his point was but I do remember hearing he got in a LOT of trouble from parents and church leaders.

The only other seminary lesson I remember at all was when a different teacher got fed up with one of the popular boys always cutting up during his lessons and grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him against the wall. The boy and all his friends walked out immediately and the rest of us were whispering to each other "should we go?" when the teacher told us to get out. It's a good thing we were an older class, most of whom had cars, because we were stuck at church, a mile from the high school, 30 minutes before we usually got out. We went to school to check on this kid, then came back and got the younger kids we gave rides to when they got out of their classes.

One of the most obvious things on my mission was how useless seminary was. All those mornings in high school getting up at 5:30 a.m. to make it to seminary on time at 6:30 and I literally remembered nothing by the time I got on my mission a few years later. Nothing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/22/2017 06:11PM by CA girl.

Boy that was awful, CA girl. I can't imagine showing birthing videos at seminary; totally inappropriate! Unfortunately, I can relate to adults losing control.

One thing that really blew my mind was how rude and mean my classmates were to the poor sister that was doing her best to teach an overwhelming church curriculum. They certainly didn't behave that way in Sunday School nor in public schools. I didn't last long in morning seminary and was proud to earn a D- on my CES transcript. Here's the link if you want to read my unpleasant seminary experience.

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1658264,1658794#msg-1658794

Oh man I cant believe they showed those birthing videos as well! That IS innopropriate! What was the point even?!

And oh my gosh! I cant believe he did that! Did he get in trouble? Was the kid ok?! And did he ever go back to that class?

These stories need to be compiled into a book.

RT seminary at Orem High School - senior year. We pretty much ignored the teacher. For the devotional thought at the beginning of each class we'd tell jokes. He completely lost control of us and over half the class stopped attending. Finally for the last few weeks of school even he stopped coming as well and those of us left just sort of hung out or used it as a study hall.

Oh I almost forgot I once had a seminary teacher that was so very boring he would drone on and on and on and his lessons were SO very boring and we had him for a whole hour and a half because we used to have a whole half hour of reading time a day where we would stop during third hour and read although nobody ever even did and he would just drone on and on throughout it and like half the class would fall asleep throughout his class every day and he would come and sit on random peoples desks who had falling asleep and continue to give the lesson and one day this girl who must have been in a deep sleep woke up and saw him sitting on her desk and she SCREAMED bloody murder! LOL my friend was in there with me and we were both pretty naughty and would pull pranks during class and just wrote notes to each other the whole time. Oh I DID get kicked out of class one time I had to burp and it came out way louder than I expected so he did ask me to leave the room for a few minutes and I felt like a little kid LOL but he wasn't too mad and let me come back hahaha