I've questioned TSCC for many years and been an ex-Mormon for a few. I've had to take a lot in stride. I have to let a ton of stuff just roll past me. Most of the time, I feel strong. But, last week, a couple of my TBM family crossed the line, went way too far, and were way too personal. They hurt me and I've been feeling it now for a week.

Mormonism is terrible and hurtful to so many. This past week I have wished that I never even heard of TSCC.

When will this end?

I just wanted to give that as a backdrop of telling all of you, fellow RfMers, that no matter what your path is, I feel deep empathy for the pain you experience on the way, due to unfair TBM treatment. You are all taking a path that is tough, yet, right. Thank you for being somewhere on that same path with me. It gets lonely, yet, I know you are all out there. I'm so sorry for the pain and hurt so many of you are feeling. Hang on because we all made the correct choice in leaving!

And, here's to hopefully a better year for all of us!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2015 09:37PM by thewhyalumnus.

We have been struggling with our TBM families behavior as well. It's so hard, especially since they are so unaware of how hurtful their behavior really is. Mormons are under the delusion that they are doing something wonderful to help someone, when all they are doing is hurting and destroying the relationship.

Thank you for posting that.
I hear you loud and clear.


I'm sorry you had a rough time with your fam. I totally get it; same here.
For me, the past week has revealed clearly that my testimony is what gave me worth in the eyes of the people I thought loved me.
Not a big shock in some ways, but to hear it flatly stated was harsh. It is so messed up to equate a testimony with someone's value as a person. Why does belief have to equal goodness?

You said it right: "Mormonism is terrible and hurtful to so many." Hang in there.

It can be very lonely when most, or all of your family believe you deserve what ever they dish out. They don't even hear themselves, or consider the amount of pain their thoughtless words can inflict.

I have some great "loving" letters from my family...

Sorry, it sounds like you've had your share of "love" lately. People here understand your frustration.

(((Hugs))) fellow traveler. Shake it off and have a great year. Success and happiness is the best revenge!

Thank you for the words of support! I needed to hear that.

My family has good hearts, but, they are brainwashed robots and simply cannot understand how insulting and hurtful some of the things they say and do are to me.

It sucks.

Thanks for this post. It is good to know I am not the only one that has hurtful family members. This past week has been especially tough for me. My mother says hurtful things to me on a regular basis. It is hard to live with. I too have often wished I had never heard of TSCC and wondered what my life would have been like. Thanks for your support good luck to you on your journey.

I empathize and send you the message that I hear your words and feel them deeply. I, also, send a shoulder for you to cry on.

Just today I was around TBM's and had two experiences. The first was in a store where I headed my cart down an isle to have a TBM relation of my daughter-in-law aiming her cart in my direction. We were in close proximity so, even though I know she would have avoided me if she could, it was not feasible. So cold sort-of pleasantries were spewed quickly, and then she was off in a cloud of righteous-briskness to pick up an item for her emergency preparedness kit. Her cold shoulder, cold looks and cold words continually let me know how much she disapproves of my 'heathenness'.

The next experience that followed had me receiving the stink eye again, this time from several TBM's. The dinner conversation was about teachers, and I had watched a movie based on a true story about a teacher of black students. I thought it was a powerful, amazing story, shared some of it with them, and then, to my surprise, they actually brought up the trailer of the movie. You can probably guess the rest. The trailer section had some wonderful parts but, in one area, they use God as part of a swear word. Now, of course, the whole movie was of the devil - the worthwhile parts they heard were immediately forgotten, and the movie was condemned as the room grew uncomfortably stone quiet and cold. I knew they would never watch the movie.

What a shallow world view... Ultimately you simply feel sorry for them for missing so much about life-movies...

I hear that.

Just got a "loving" email from my brother wherein he explains why I left and why it was a bad decision. I mostly think it is best to not even reply to that kind of stuff because it just feeds it and is pointless. Hard not to fire back though or at least explain yourself. But even doing that can just make it worse.

I'm glad we can commiserate here.

After years of experiencing the same behavior mentioned here, I came to this conclusion as far as family abuse

goes. Many people are just plain abusive, rude, and even violent

They use every reason in the book, including religion, to justify their behavior. Some are this way because of

mental illness, while others grew up in equally abusive homes, while others, I feel, are family or TBM members,

who are caught up in the proverbial "cycle of abuse" that we often hear and read about. If they didn't have the

Mormon church to justify their behavior, they would have some other reason for doing and saying the things that

can so often cut to the bone, both literally and figuratively.

Unfortunately their victims are caught in the whirlwind and

internalize the attacks and remain victims until they

choose to stop being victims.


My personal experience has been that the Mormon Church

continually gives tacit approval to all kinds of abuse

as long as it isn't directed at the church. Sexual, emotional,

verbal, spiritual, physical, mental and financial

abusers are pretty much ignored by the church hierarchy as long

as they can get away with it. On the other hand

if someone even hints at asking questions or making "eyebrow

raising" statements, their lives are forever

scrutinized, subjected to humiliation, shunning, and oftentimes "in your face" confrontations with threats and

often barbaric behavior. Any possible connection to Jesus Christ and Christ-like principles fly right out the

window.

The interesting thing is that abuse and the church intersect by two unbelievably insidious words....DON'T TELL