I was reading through some exmormon stories on here and I've noticed that in a lot of stories, those who left often ran into TBMs around town and had a lot of guilt and anxiety running into them. I grew up on Long Island and we never ran into anyone we knew besides at church. I left the church right after high school and never went on a mission, so for me leaving was just a function of not ever coming back. I certainly didn't face the same pressure, except from my family.

I didn't really appreciate just how hard it could be for people to leave. Esp when you're surrounded by TBM and can run into them pretty much everywhere.

So, what part of the country were you living in when you got out? Did you kind of fade away like I did? Or did you get a lot of push back?

-CM

I left about 8 years ago. I had just moved to Riverton, Utah. I am surrounded (100 or so) by TBM family members on my wife's side. I am the first to leave.

I am still in Riverton, Utah. No one ever asks me about why I left or what my current beliefs are. Yeah, family get togethers can be a joy.

Alpine, Utah.

I get that some people worry about community perception, but my experience has been pleasant. Neighbors still occasionally drop by (for matters unrelated to church). My coworkers certainly don't care.

I think some people think that others care more about these things than they actually do. Some aspect of a persecution complex persists for some, I suppose. Being an ex-Mormon in Utah is pretty easy (there are a lot of us!) compared to what actual religious persecution looks like.

So leaving for my wife and myself was easy enough, even in Utah County. We wrote our resignation letter and moved on with our lives. If you let the Mormon church continue to define you after you've left it, then the problem lies with you, not your community (not directed at the OP, but something worth stating).

My TBM cousin and her very wealthy TBM hubby live in Alpine. You prolly know them.

The first home he built there had a full racquetball court in the basement. Marie Osmond looked at buying it.

They are in the same ward as Lloyd Newell.

Salt Lake city, In the 60's

I'm right next to Mount Doom in the land of Morridor.

When my wife and I left, about half of our neighborhood stopped speaking to us. My extended family hasn't spoken to us in 6 months. Her family has been a little better than mine, but still cold. It would have been nice to slip away quietly, but in Morridor that's impossible.

On the bright side, we have made several new non-mo friends who are much better people than the fake, gossipy "friends" assigned by the cult.

Northern NJ. I hardly run into anyone from church.I only see them once in a blue moon in the towns where there are more members.

Maybe that's a northeast thing. I moved to NJ a few years back and it seems like TSCC density here is much lower.

I think so. I haven't gone to church in about 8 years. It's kind of nice when you spot missionaries and you can walk past them because they have no idea who you are.

Utah County, 2000's.

Provo, BYU. Early seventies. Of course I had to try to hide the fact that I had defected until I graduated, but rumors swirled and I got so many "feel ups and brush ups" or "garment checks" that I'm sure it would qualify as some kind of record. I knew how to play the game and always had my garments on. I used to put them on and off while I drove the car depending on where I was going. Wouldn't want to try that now.

Southern Alberta. 7 miles north of the Moridor.

RB

I did like him as a dentist.
I'm not sure if I would as a neighbor.

Also high school friends moved to that area. He was/is a bishop. She's a convert. We all graduated in early 60s.

I suspect everyone I know there is TBM.

KJ

I drifted away...........living in S. California made it easy except for family.........
When at BYU I was not TBM either......had to keep a low profile.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2015 10:42AM by kj.

Hey, KJ. Your secret's safe with me.

Seattle area, 3 weeks ago! Freedom tastes sweet.

How's everything going so far?

If you're going to start drinking coffee, you're in the right place!

South of Seattle 15 years

Pennsylvania, not Philly. Zero mormon density around these parts, thank heavens.

I was in Southern California.
While there were plenty of non-mormons around to make new friends with, I still ran into mormons frequently.

I think what makes things really tough, no matter where you live, is that often before we leave, our entire lives are tied up in the church. TBMs spend so much time doing church things, and only attending church social functions, that they very often don't have many or any friends or social contacts outside of the church group, no matter where you live. That was largely the case for me -- every one of my friends (and family) were mormons, so when I left and got the typical shunning, I was essentially all alone. It took me 2-3 years to begin to have some kind of normal social life after that, with new friends and social groups. It was a really hard 2-3 years.

Alpine, Utah.


No problems at all. No one has asked me why I don't participate. It is sort of a "Don't ask -- don't tell" kind of thing.

I get along great with my neighbors.

Alpine is that little corner of happy valley where liberals, artists and intellectuals go to get a little peace.

I remember going to Alpine once when I was at BYU in the early 70's to my fave art professor's home - Trevor Southey. He is now an exmo and gay - was featured in the PBS series a few years ago about mormons.

We should have an Alpine get-together one of these days. There are half a dozen or so folks I've seen on the board mention they're from here.

I'm by the camels, if you're familiar with that area.

For all the stereotypes about rich Mormons, I've mostly enjoyed my time living in Alpine, and the bits that I didn't like don't really have anything to do with Utah / LDS culture.

Virginia

Northern Calif. Moved at the same time,about 40 miles,so almost no one in my new area knows I was Mormon. Perfect.

In Southern California 13 years ago..... I saw Mormons here and there but we were always friendly and cordial, they still are.
No one bugs me. It's good life.

I was fully TBM in Colorado (Longmont, 1980), then moved to Oregon and never attended church ever again. It wasn't a totally clean break because I mailed tithing checks to my bishop whom I never met. After 9 months of exmo gestation, I stopped paying tithing and stopped the HT/VT visits. I requested excommunication by letter to the bishop in 1983 (before resignation was possible) and did not attend my Court of Love. The notice of the hearing was sent to me via certified mail.

My eternal companion converted at age 16 in Susanville, CA. We met at YBme (Riviera Apts). She hated babies because they require more attention than she does. She got pregnant accidentally (using birth control) and got an abortion immediately. She gradually stopped attending in Colorado after discovering she had nothing in common with TBM women.

Extracting myself from a pathological enmeshment with a violent FFA (Future Felon of America) was WAY more difficult for me than leaving the Church.

My parents never shunned me. My Dad regularly sent me clippings and literature trying to reconvert me. The TBM half of my siblings were distant, but I have varying levels of contact with all of them.

I work with a few Mormon engineers. No troubles. One is a bishop and a very decent dude. He and his nevermo business partner founded an engineering company that treats its employees very well. I do contract engineering for his company.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2015 02:06PM by beyondashadow.

I got the shunning with my "divorce." I didn't see any shunning in terms of me leaving the lds church. In fact, I think they treat me better. I've had some issues with one friend, but we've worked through them. No problems with family in terms of the church. Most of my family is out now anyway. I was a lot slower at getting out than even my nieces and nephews. My parents were great about things. They listened to my issues and talked to me about their own. They were more concerned about how I was surviving.

The bishop was GREAT about my resignation. He told me he wouldn't try to talk me out of it because he is very aware of what I had been through (being a close neighbor and father of my daughter's lifetime friend).

I do have to admit I live in an exceptional middle income ward. Best ward I ever lived in.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/13/2015 02:35PM by cl2.

Roy, UT. I'd lived there for 5 years and the bishop had never even met me. HE felt awkard...I thought the whole 'talk' was kinda funny.

Pacific Northwest. I moved five minutes down the road into a new stake. Since there were no records to transfer, as I've been Ex-d, no one's contacted me.
I see my old ward members off and on, and I'm sure they know all the good gossip about me, but they are, for the most part, at least friendly and polite. Some of them look at me like I am evil incarnate, now, but then they cover it up and try to be nice. haha!

Central Washington, 2009. Now they've got their own mission, apparently concentrating on re-activating the thousands of lapsed, back-sliding Mormons. And illegal immigrants, of course.

Zoobville, Utah. 4 blocks from the campus. :)

Still attempting to squeeze through the exit in Greeley, CO.

I'm in the UK so if I'm being shunned by mormons I'm not aware of it because they're not around me to let me know, being mostly spread thinly over a wide surrounding area.

In my little place there are at least 10 churches, 4 Anglican (all with female vicars), 2 Methodist (again female preachers), 4 Catholic with the normal male priests and probably a few small offshoot denominations meeting in hired halls. There is a JW place nearby but they have little impact.

I believe the Sally Army meets nearby but we don't see much of them until Christmastime.

Nice quiet life.

Briggy

Arlington, Texas, and we hardly ever see old church members. We've been out for 20+ years and have no idea who is still around that we might know.

What region of what country? We have Brits here as well as Aussies, Irish, at least one Italian, lotsa Canadians. Possibly someone from Heybobareebob. Not just Mericats.