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Posted by: flanders ( )
Date: February 14, 2015 07:47PM

Susan I/S started a Happy V-day on another thread and I didn't want to be a downer there so I decided to start this one.

44 years ago today I was baptized in the LDS Church. I was just a teenager and really had no idea what I was doing because I just wanted my mother to feel supported in her decision to join the Church.

I did all that was expected of me for the next forty years including marrying the absolute love of my life in the temple and having several children with her afterward. She's the best person I have ever known and to this day I still adore her.

What should be a day of celebratory love between us is now a day of sad reflection of what could have been...should have been. You see, the love of my life's greatest love is not me. She divorced me a few years ago when I refused to acknowledge that what I had discovered about the Church's truth claims were false. It was me or the Church. I lost.

Now, I don't celebrate V-Day but only look back at that day in 1970 with disdain when I think about what the end game has become from that choice I made to support mom. Now, we(mum and I) are both out of the Church. But that person who still consumes my daily thoughts, reverences and finds joy in that which I discovered to be reprehensible and not worthy of ANYONE's devotion.

Sorry, to be a stick in the mud on what should be an otherwise joyful day.

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Posted by: Susan I/S ( )
Date: February 14, 2015 07:58PM

I truly hope you do something nice for yourself. And I am happy that you were trying to support your Mom, sorry for the reason but it is still a sweet thing.

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Posted by: wine country girl ( )
Date: February 14, 2015 09:29PM

I spend Valentine's day lavishing my children with love and attention.

Love is love and it doesn't have to be romantic love to celebrate it.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2015 12:21PM by wine country girl.

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Posted by: same boat ( )
Date: February 14, 2015 10:52PM

Mormonism is like a giant twister, ripping families apart with miles of destruction afterwards.

I ended a long term relationship with someone who only pretended he no longer believed in Mormonism. It turned out he still secretly believed in, and revered Joseph Smith. They can walk off into the sunset together.

I'm very sorry your life has been a mirage. It is better to live an authentic life, and find someone who loves you, not your priesthood name tag.

Keep your chin up and remain positive. Life will get better if you work at it. I choose to have hope for the future. Good luck.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: February 14, 2015 10:54PM

agree.
my X punked TSCC with hate & lies against me, which she Denied.
when I showed them her written stmnts. they MADE EXCUSES FOR HER!

Truth/Facts are a GIANT HOLE in TSCC!

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Posted by: same boat ( )
Date: February 14, 2015 11:27PM

You deserve truth and happiness in your life. The church is complicit in so many break-ups. They usually side where they think the future tithing will come from. I hope you find peace.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 07:10AM

Holidays can be difficult when you understandably feel lonely and betrayed.

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Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 07:13AM

It surely isn't for everyone, and I feel for those for whom it's not. For me, it's as close to perfect as life will probably ever be. My chronically ill (I've come far too close to losing her her twice in the nearly seven years of our marriage) wife made it through her first pregnancy, in which almost everything that could have gone wrong did, to deliver a healthy if five-week early boy who has caught up in weight and seemingly in every other way. He is the light of our lives except to the extent that we are still the light of each others' lives.

Now here comes the shocker. Wife healed very well and quickly from her c-section. Four weeks after delivery, OBGYN gave us the green light if you get my drift, even though it was early by ordinary standards. On that night or possibly two nights later, despite three simultaneously used methods of birth control, PLUS wife was breastfeeding exclusively, baby #2 found its way to conception.

With our first pregnancy, we were dealing with hyperemesis gravidarium (the same EXTREME sickness as what Kate Middleton experienced) on top of an already chronically ill with cystic fibrosis wife who had trouble keeping on weight under the best of circumstances and had to have a gastro-nasal tube inserted to ensure a constant source of nutrition for herself and the baby throughout the last half of her pregnancy. Baby was breach, and his bead against my wife's stomach was a contributor to constant heartburn.

This time around, wife has had MORNING sickness rather than all-day sickness, as in if she stays in bed until 9:00 or so then eats a few soda crackers and downs a bit of ginger ale, she's good to go for the rest of the day. Her appetite is good. We just had the chorionic villus sampling procedure almost two weeks ago and should receive the last of the results on Monday. All signs at this stage, however, point to a very healthy little girl growing and developing in there.

Our two children (assuming all goes well with this pregnancy, we're considering that we've probably used up most of our good luck in the child-bearing department, and the world at least as we know it really is designed for a family of four, anyway, so when my wife has her Caesarean, her tubes will be tied) will most likely be less than ten months apart, as my wife will probably need to deliver just a bit early again to get back onto her regular CF meds. My mom tells me siblings are called "Irish twins" when they're born in a space of less than a year. That's what we'll have if all continues to go well.

Cystic fibrosis is an ugly illness, but advances are being made every day, and my wife is determined to kick its ugly butt. Still, we cannot know what the future has in store for us, nor can anyone, really.

So for now, we celebrated this year's Valentine's Day with joy and good cheer, though not the kind of cheer I'd ordinarily celebrate it with, as since the wife cannot imbibe, I wouldn't either on a day we're celebrating together. We hope to have many more Valentine's Days to celebrate together, but just in case we don't, we'll make the most of each one we have.


I'm working tonight, as two emergency thoracic surgeries came in, but I didn't get called in until after midnight, so I spent all of the 14th with my love and with the beautiful little product of our love.

I hope I didn't depress anyone with my story. Though it isn't guaranteed a happy ending, neither is anyone else's. Be happy when you can, I suppose, and pull yourself together the best you can and do not hesitate to lean on others during those more difficult times.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2015 07:16AM by scmd.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 12:04PM

Hoping all goes well for you starting now. You've been through enough!

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Posted by: scmd ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 02:10PM

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hoping all goes well for you starting now. You've
> been through enough!


Thanks, Cheryl. In some ways the tough times make me appreciate the sweet times all the more.

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Posted by: brefots ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 07:44AM

I've never cared about Valentines day. First of all because it's been gradually imported from america after I became an adult so why bother with yet another holiday to keep track of in the IMHO way too filled with holidays period of dec to june. The most annoying things about us scandinavians importing american traditions being that it doesn't mean replacing any of the homegrown traditions.

And it's not like the homegrown traditions wasn't in serious need of a trim down in the first place. Februari already has the leap days, the cinnemon buns day, some other bs-day I can never remember, the winter break where you're supposed to go skiing in the mountains if you can afford it, winter sports hysteria, the annual obligatory sale on books and the start of the lent celebrated with a special kind of pastry that ofcourse transforms boring christian lent into the much more popular lent-pastry-season mid feb to mid mars.

It's also first time in months that the sun starts to actually be more than a pathetic moon barely dragging it's ass above the horizon. Add to the hysteria Valentines day. Yet another excuse to work on that type 2 diabetes we miraculously escaped last christmas. As if we really needed one....

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Posted by: Mormon Observer ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 08:28AM

You got me at cinnamon buns day! Now that's a good idea, make cinnamon rolls in the shape of a heart and put two days together to make one.
Thank you for sharing the traditions.

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Posted by: annieg ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 12:58PM

No fair!

Why can't we have a lent pastry season in North America?

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Posted by: brefots ( )
Date: February 16, 2015 02:34PM

Google "lent buns" or "semlor" and "recepies" and learn to make some yourself. They are not that difficult to pull off and their season starts tomorrow! :-)

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 08:32AM

I haven't dated for years, so Valentine's Day is just a blip on my radar. My students give me some valentines and chocolates. I am still working my way through a box of fine Belgian chocolates that I got just after the holidays. And I popped in a DVD of "Pride and Prejudice" (the Colin Firth version) last night.

Even when I was dating I was not a huge fan of the holiday. Buy me a valentine and call it good.

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Posted by: unworthy ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 12:17PM

Been there, My wife divorced me because I would not re-join the Mormons and take her through the temple. Sorry for your loss,,

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Posted by: The StalkerDog™ ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 12:53PM

I really really HATE the Mo-church, mostly for what it does to people like you. Marrying in the so-called temple is a farce. If ya check out the "vows"- you marry the ƒʁƐ@Ҝ!И₲ church and NOT each other! It's rotten and dirty and it sucks money and ruins people and I hates it.

Reggie <-- grumpy old dog.

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Posted by: Greyfort ( )
Date: February 15, 2015 02:11PM

I don't really acknowledge Valentine's Day. It's just a day that goes on by, until I realize what day it is and go, "It's Valentine's Day? Oh."

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Posted by: peculiargifts ( )
Date: February 16, 2015 03:15PM

Well, I liked Valentine's Day when I was a kid --- way back when, with the bags of lacy valentines that we put in *all* of our classmates pouches (taped to each desk in the classroom). No gender discrimination, then, oddly enough. Every kid gave a valentine to every single one of the other kids, opposite gender or not.

Do children still do that in the early grades?

And I liked the little heart candies with silly words printed on them.

Aside from that, we didn't celebrate the day in any major way. I was amazed to find, years later, that there are families who not only celebrate the day with a special family dinner, but who always exchange gifts on Valentine's Day. I mean, parents give presents to children even when said children are adults and vice versa, brothers and sisters exchange gifts. To me, a mind blowing concept.

I mean, really, if you are not courting someone (even if you've been married for decades), why should anyone celebrate the day in any way, aside from making a point of taking the Christmas tree down? ;)

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