I knew of the Book of Abraham problems, Nephi changing to Moroni and the temple penalties, yet I believed for another few years (however,subconsciencly, I knew the church is fake, I just didn't connect the dots yet).

After studying cosmology I realized that the mormons (nor any other religion) did not know what they were talking about with god. So I stopped believing in god first but I still was a cultural mormon for a few years. Once I realized that the mormon church was harmful to people I stopped considering myself a mormon. That was when the anger really began. I was angry about the church for a few years while I lost my TBM family. I went through the steps of the grieving process. I feel that I am on the other side of all of that now. I was a TBM for 30 years, served a mission, married in the temple. I've been an ex-mormon for about 10 years.

It was just a few minutes, less than 5, probably more than 2.

The brainwashing, mind control, guilt and fear are very powerful. It takes time to overcome having lived under these manipulative tactics your entire life.

I beat myself up for knowing several disquieting facts long before my exit. As I look back, I can now see that I was very troubled but many times used the mental gymnastics a member is taught to justify anything I discovered.

This is why the leaders have remained silent about the troubling issues until things almost got real in a British court. You would think they would have wanted to inoculate members much earlier. However, members coming up with their own explanations works much better for the leaders. Official sources neither confirmed or denied so you could come up with whatever helped you stay.

Even in the face of facts admitted to in the essays, many members still default to the mental gymnastics. Plus, one must note the leaders' names are no where to be seen on the essays.

Ten years.

I guess it depends on how you look at it. I've had "questions" on my shelf for a long time... Things that didn't add up, but I was willing to chalk up as a lack of understanding on my part...

But when the shelf collapsed, it collapsed very very quickly. Reading the CES Letter--specifically the part about the probable origins of the BoM--is what did me in. My shelf collapsed in about an hour.

Once I knew it was false, it took me 5 years, yes, YEARS, to fall of the cliff of disbelief. Horrific journey.

After 31 years of full fledged allegiance, it took a mere 24 hours.

Crazy.

After I seriously put the Book of Mormon promise to the test and it failed, I remained in the church for about five years. I really didn't know where to go or what to do. It was quite a lack of imagination, but I was young, and really had not been exposed much to other options.

Took me several years. When one is invested, one keeps propping up the shelf, preventing its immediate collapse. It begins to collapse piecemeal.

Four years.

I put things on the shelf even before my baptism (as an adult). There weren't the resources there are now (internet, access to original books and writings in a non-English speaking country). and the missionaries were friendly and cute, I admit. Sorry. It is all my fault.

The shelf started to be unstable when I moved from a small branch made all of converts in my hometown to a regular and large ward in a foreign city. This was 3 years after my baptism.

Then in 2004, 13 years after my baptism, I got the Internet for the first time, and somehow I googled "ex-mormon". I guess it took a couple hours of reading some topics and that was it. Reading stories of people who had had the same questions, the same experiences and doubts I had had for many years.

Unfortunately I had to remain involved for personal reasons for several more years, but always doing just the minimum to remain "worthy" of a TR.

Now I can be officially inactive, not resigned, because of DH, but the price has been high and I am stuck with a very TBM Teutonic DH.

About three months. I had reasons to do a 'deep dive' into all the key issues in a short period of time (covered most of the CES letter topics). At the end it all culminated in a one-week period where my shelf went from 'wobbling on the wall' stright to sawdust. I knew this as I was able, without any internal stress or dissionace, say these words to a trusted friend:

"shit, I just figured out that I'm part of a damn cult! Now what the hell am I going to do now!"

In my 50's, in a bishopric at the time, was fully doing all the TBM stuff, am married with six kids including teenagers and adults children. These days I've been saying:

"shit, I've been in a damn cult for all of my life! Now what the hell to I do! How am I going to keep my family together through all this!"



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2015 03:08PM by mannaz.

My shelf was loose for years, sort of hanging by a loose screw, but it finally fell in a few seconds when I verified that JS married other men's wives and little girls.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2015 04:54PM by rationalist01.

28 years bic tbm, took me 2 nights to see the bullshit, it took 3 years before that of uninspired leadership to start questioning that the church felt off.I was resigned in less than a month. Best decision I ever made! :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2015 06:34PM by peaceinfreedom.

When I was twelve I knew it was a sham and said so. My parents have yet to forgive me for that crime. Nor do I forgive them for that.

At least 10 years of questions, then doubts, then a few years of irritation and anger about church but not understanding why at the time (cog dis), until one day I forced myself to confront all the questions and doubts and tried to understand why I disliked church so much. After a few tough weeks, I came to the sudden realization that it wasn't true at all, and my whole world came crashing down. So, around 15 years.

It all started with the weird ass shit in the temple, and the stupid garments.

25 years. I had some familiarity with the key problems for many years, but also bought into a lot of the FAIR/FARMS/Nibley and the "the gospel is perfect even if the people aren't" kind of crap for all that time.

One night about 2 years ago, I asked myself for the first time, "what if it really isn't true?"...not as some vague hypothetical question, but sincerely. Once I was prepared to look at the evidence and decide accordingly rather than go running to some apologetic source to reassure me, it all collapsed in a matter of a couple days.

Strength in the Loins Wrote:
--------- I asked myself for
> the first time, "what if it really isn't
> true?"...not as some vague hypothetical question,
> but sincerely. Once I was prepared to look at the
> evidence and decide accordingly rather than go
> running to some apologetic source to reassure me,
> it all collapsed in a matter of a couple days.


Asking What if? = sawdust moment

"What if it not true?" Is also a good reply to its converse statement "but what if it is true?".

I was kinda in and out of activity since I hit 18 and left home. I tried a few times to get endowments done and was told no every time with a different reason why. (Because it apparently didn't matter how I felt or how I felt God felt about it, the bishop's personal prejudices against me were more important.)

It wasn't until my second daughter got to the age of baptism, my oldest being disabled, so therefore exempt, from that ordinance, that I realized I had serious issues. That was a little over 3 years ago. I went inactive once we moved away from my parents, and late last year found the CES letter and that was it for me. I still read as much as I can about the church, like early history and all the news concerning them booting anyone who disagrees with them. Maybe I fall into the category of being that exmo who left but can't leave it alone. It just kind of feels like I can't stop finding out about all the ways I've been misled, I guess. Our resignation letter will go out next month.

I first wondered why the 1990 change in the Temple endowment was made then the initiatory was changed in 2005. I then decided to really test the claim by doubling down on going to the temple until in early 2007 my shelf on the temple collapsed. I then did some research on the Book of Abraham and within about 2 days, I was done with the church. My wife then filed for divorce 8 months later even though I was still attending with her and kids.

So glad I saw the fraud no later than I did.

One Sunday School lesson.

I was the teacher and was preparing a lesson on the coming forth of the Book of Mormon. I wanted some visuals so I looked through the ward library for an image of Joseph translating the plates with the Urim & Thumim, no luck. So I researched it on lds.org, no luck, just pictures showing Joseph reading the plates. So I Googled "Joseph Smith translating the plates"...what the f.....

That was the start. I knew within a month, but it took me years to get past the cognitive dissonance.

A lunch hour is all it took. I was in the bishopric in a small ward in NJ. Since I was the gospel authority in the ward, I was given the Tanner's book "Mormonism, Shadow Or Reality" that a missionary had been given earlier by a pastor he had contacted.

A few days later, during lunch, I started reading the chapter on the Book of Abraham. An hour later, my shelf had broken. I left the area a few months later and was released from my calling. The stake president asked me what I had learned in my time in NJ. My reply: "there are fewer absolute truths than I thought there were."

I continued to participate in the church for several years (for the family?) until a bishop, noticing my lackluster involvement, called me on it. He said that you can't be part way in, it was all the way or nothing. I said, "you're right!" and I was gone, never to return.