I respond to a few posts but I've not started one. A couple of people know who I am here so I'm using a different screen name today.

I went to a major cities Woman's March yesterday. I'm feeling supported, bolstered, brave, strong, afraid, depressed and anxious today. Back story - I'm 59 and am the Exec Asst to 4 people at my office and I've been there for 15 years. People think I'm in my late 40's and that plays a part in my post.

One of the 4 people I work for is the son of the owner who is 43, 6'4", a bully, narcissist, immature as hell, loud, makes inappropriate sexual comments - not about me just to me, spends like a crazed person, is easily bored and thinks every woman he meets wants him. He has a wife whose days consist of shopping, lunching, shopping, parties,travel, shopping and posting her activities and purchases on Instagram. She is lonely and sad because of her husband so I understand why her days are filled like this. I like her, she's different than he is but she can't give up the $$ and chooses to stay and I'm sure it's a distraction for her.

The son is incapable of understanding how real people live and can't really show any empathy and inserts himself in everyone's tragedy.

He confides in me and seems to like and trust me - he's told me things about his sex life, his wife, his "problems" like he didn't have the money to buy another motorcycle, car, latest toy so he goes to his mother to whom he talks like sh*t to and she always gives in to him. His "friends" all cow-tow to him because he has money and he's aggressive but he's the life of their party - the friends range from assh*les like him to spineless toadies whom he uses and abuses.

He recently told me that his nearly 11 yr old daughter cries a lot and is having problems at home and at school - I said she's probably hormonal and this is common at this age. She was crying the the other day and he said he "got in her face" and screamed at her then slapped her so hard she fell. I've met the child several times and she's not close to her father and timid around him at least at the office. I don't know if her mother knows what happened.

I hate being around this guy - I'm depressed with crazy anxiety but I am afraid, very afraid I won't be able to find anther job because of my age.

After the Harvey Weinstein thing broke and then the thousands of stories that came out from women from all walks of life he came to me and said he doesn't believe it and that the women just want money. I'm also a #MeToo - the janitor when I was in the 3rd grade, my brother and a co-worker when I was 21. I didn't know I should tell anyone when I was 8, my mother did not believe me when I was 11 but my employer at the time when I was 21 did believe me and other women came forward and the guy was fired. Over the years I've had disgusting things said to me from men and did stand up for myself and told them they were disgusting pigs, they don't respect women, etc. If it happened at work I told my employer at the time who really didn't do much.

When the son told me he didn't believe the women I thought that I knew exactly how they felt for not being believed.

Today I watched on YouTube the poem that Halsey composed and read at the NYC Woman's March and I'm buoyed but crying because I just can't take my work environment anymore. I HATE 45 and all those like him and the women who defend them.

I am active in 2 organizations that are for the advancement of women and people of color or need help in getting education or training to empower them. The absolutely astonishing percentage of women who have been assaulted by men in some form is more than 80%; something of a sexual nature has been perpetrated in more than 3/4 of the worlds population.

I have put out dozens of resume's but each one wants to contact my employer - that will be the end of my job. I understand the nature of being an Exec Assistant - you hear and see a lot and I realize that executives (and most people in life)do things that benefit only them - I'm looking for employment that works for the benefit of others. I made the mistake of asking one of the interviewers not to contact my current employer - of course I didn't get the job. I can't tell people why I'm leaving but say that I am looking for an environment that I can use my abilities to benefit others. The main issue is that the positions don't pay well with these types of organizations and I need a certain amount to help support my adult Asperger's child - he's pretty independent but doesn't make much money.

I am so grateful I'm out of LDS Inc. the church is a huge part of everything I described above.

Thank you dear people of RFM.

I'm #metoo as well.

If I were you, I'd just tell the hiring manager(s) of the various positions that you're trying to gracefully leave a toxic/abusuve work environment, but that they're free to contact other previous employers. But that's just me.

To protect myself, I'd probably only apply to larger companies with actual HR departments. It makes such a difference! All the smaller companies I've worked for have turned out to be $hitty experiences.

Thank you ODG NLI - I said exactly that to at one interview and was told that was the wrong thing to say. Why? Because a potential employer will take that as me having a personal problem and that I have issues getting along with different personalities. Sheesh.

I have looked in to some on-line boards where hiring managers are on line and have proposed the same issues and questions. I've been told that being at one employer shows stability but why leave now? It's such a catch-22 I hate it

I just think you need to find something remotely empathetic who can look at you and tell you're being truthful. 80% of women have been abused; and with the current zeitgeist it shouldn't be terribly hard.

I'll tell ya this though, in my experience women who have been abused but not dealt with it are the nastiest to deal with, so if you get some blowback, chalk it up to their issues.

Sending you good vibes!!

I know how you feel. You almost described one of the partners where I work.

Network at women's organizations. Tell them your plight and say you need help finding a position. You can't tell an HR department the truth, and expect them to ignore "potential lawsuit." To say anything bad about your current employer are the things you will one day say of the prospective employer.

Say things like, I am ready to move on and meet new challenges, learn new things, meet new people. I have a powerful burst of energy in me that I can't put to good use where I am. I''ve been there fifteen years, and I'm looking to enjoy the rest of my working years being more productive than I can be now. I'm an independent go-getter, just point me the direction you want me to go. I'm looking for a new company "home."

Maybe not those exact things, but this is about what you want to do, not why you hate where you are. Go in this direction, and let us know how your "voice" sounds.

Hope it helps!

Good advice. I would tell any HR department that they are only to contact your employer for a reference if they have decided that you are the one they want. If it's down to the final 2 or 3 candidates, then no.

I think there are often issues with small, family-owned companies. With my former employer, thankfully, I just had to deal with the owner's kids who were merely untalented (but perfectly professional and genial.) A friend of mine was fired from a small, family-owned business for objecting to inappropriate behavior from the owner's son. She found another job, and even though her first year was rough, overall it was a beneficial move for her.

Honestly, I think that most women of a certain age are likely MeToo, especially if they have worked in male-dominated environments. I am a MeToo as well.