Mormonism (and most religion) is a group affiliation, a group identity, a group activity. But I'm not a group kind of guy. Sure, it's nice to meet people with similar interests and beliefs once in a while, but not every damn week or more. I don't need those people around all the time. I don't WANT them around all the time. I don't even want my best friends or the people I love around all the time. If I hadn't been raised with the concept of joining a religion it might never have occurred to me. "Meet regularly to talk about what we believe? What on earth for? I know what I believe. Don't you folks? Just go live it. Leave me alone. I have better things to do than sitting around agreeing with each other."

It's not enough to just believe the doctrines of Mormonism. You need to believe in the institution and in the group. You have to join in so the group and institution can function. Introverted Mormons, private Mormons, reclusive Mormons are BAD Mormons. You know there are Mormons who really believe the doctrines but don't want to go to church. Just look around the congregation. But they go because it's what proper Mormons do. Join with the group. Stay with the herd. Don't spend time being an individual.

I think many people feel that way. You aren't alone.

Plus, in Mormonism there are practically no boundaries to what they ask people to do, when to do it, and how much of your time gets sacrificed to be in the cult.

It's too damned much to ask of anybody who has a life outside of church.

born into it. My entire immediate family are introverts, like spending time alone. I went to church because I believed, but I went in and sat down, and when it was over, I left. I wouldn't pray in church once I realized I could tell them no. I hated giving lessons to adults, but then I didn't like primary once I had toddlers hanging out at home.

I hated going to ward parties and yet my very social husband would coerce me. He only got me to the temple 3 or 4 times after my first experience. I HATED being on display at the temple. I thought it would be somewhere I could just go sit down and listen. Nope, we had to perform and be nitpicked to death by the the temple workers. I find it interesting that the girl who cuts my hair (the daughter of some single's ward friends) now works at the temple in the evenings once a week. They told them not to nitpick the temple attenders unless they were obviously doing something extremely wrong. I guess they've had a lot of complaints. Not like I found the temple inspiring either. I found it ridiculous. My dad later told me basically the same thing.

My ex told our TBM daughter that I was never happy as a mormon. Nope. My daughter is the only grandchild/great grandchild who is a mormon. Tells you something. She is social like her father. The mormons in the neighborhood, now that he lives here again, just can't help themselves loving him so much even when they know he is gay. It is quite amusing to watch.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/18/2018 01:27PM by cl2.

That's exactly what I told my wife before we married, but she still believed I would be compelled to join once I read the Book of Mormon.

I still haven't joined, and she's torn up with guilt because she's been inactive for several months now. It's not as though I'm stopping her from going to church.

I'm a friendly person and have plenty of friends, but I enjoy solitude. After teaching all day, being friendly with students, parents and fellow teachers and administrators, Having people in my face all day I would (now retired) wish to be left alone usually at home unless it was the weekend when I would volunteer some.I do not feel the need to have someone with me all the time. On the flip side, I know people who can't stand being alone. They will not even go shopping alone. I feel that a majority of TBM's who fare well in tscc are that way-always got to be up somebody's a%%.
I shall continue some volunteer work, which I love, and come and go as I please. Otherwise, I love to be with a person I love and would marry if I could (me). That stupid Mormon church is so intrusive and lacking boundaries. I'm so very grateful to be out!

I'll be honest and admit that I loved the company I was in when I was alone! Never a dull moment!! ...at least from my perspective...

Ditto. You described me too, olderelder.

By the time I get home from work, the last thing I want is to hang around people. I don't get wanting to join a group and do a bunch of ritual hokey pokey together- over and over no less.

I'm also an introvert. My crazy-devout Mom kept insisting I go to church, be social, be a good little Morg sheep, have as many people like me as possible. But, even as a kid, George Carlin described my relation to others perfectly, "I like people, but I like them in short bursts." I can hang with a bunch for a bit, but too long and I just want to be left the (censored) alone.

Three hour blocks, classes, seminary, youth activities, callings, home teachings, etc. Mormonism is hell for introverts and anyone with a sense of independence.

You almost make it sound like I’m not crazy.

I'd never want to devote my life to doing the constant busy work. But the doctrine is if anything worse. Yikes, there isn't much to recommend it so thankfully, we don't have to try.

I get you OP. My mother, father and I are introverts. There's nothing we liked better, when I was a child, than spending nights alone together at home with simple family activities. I always thought it odd that Mormons had only one night for family. I learned so much from my parents always being around. We had every night as family night. It was so much nicer before we became Mormon.

My sister is an extreme extrovert. She hated being with us because we were so boring. She basically joined the Mormon church for the social stuff until it became too confining and restrictive. So, she switched to another church, Evangelical, where they fawn over her, drive her places, and feel sorry for her financial plight. They have lots of activities and spend lots of time judging others. She spent so much of her life living in the fast lane that she is now in poverty. And she is also ultra sanctimonious. I couldn't wait to get out of the rat race so I kept my head down, plowed through the work and can now retire alone in my lovely, paid off, home. Lots of books, quiet, and no more obligations to sit on boards, direct charities, and take orders from church authoritarians. My close circle of friends are interesting, intelligent, and respect my privacy.

My sister tries to shame me for not having Facebook and text messaging. I would activate the text messaging on my phone except my sister would literally bombard me with messages as she does her children. I'd go nuts if my phone beeped every five seconds.

Tranquility! That's my style.

One time I thought I was a jointer but it turned out that I was a band saw.

I'm not much of a joiner either, but my first ward, in the Deep South, was more of an extended family than a religious organization. Oh, sure - religion was the excuse they gave for our bonding, but almost everybody was a convert, there were no pushy types from SLC, and it was a wonderful group.

I expected it to be the same when I moved to NM. Big culture shock. I learned what it meant to be in - or near - the Morridor.

I was relatively happy in my new ward. Met the love of my life there. But after giving a RS lesson (which, BTW, I spent HOURS preparing, back in the days when you could supplement the dry-as-dust material in the handbooks) and then being ripped to shreds by the RS Prez for not sticking to the script, that was IT. Actually, the sign read EXIT.

I have often wondered, if I had remained in my first ward, if I would still be around. I would probably be like our late and loved Deenie, another Dreaded Single Adult. The one guy in my first ward who paid any attention to me was dreadful. Three dates convinced me that he was not The One.

I'm much happier, being in the Exmo Ward!!

I wouldn't mind joining a community if it were actually a truth based group with a focus on finding truthful answers to life's questions.

The Mormon Church is not truth based. It is hopelessly trying to make all truth fit within the confines of its false myth narrative. When the myth is discovered to be false by some (Greg Prince, Roger Hendrix and others) they justify the lie by arguing that people need the myth to help them connect with the divine.

They ignore that if the myth is false then so is the god behind the myth. The Mormon Church is intellectually dishonest and intentionally avoids or hides information that doesn't support it. It is not a truth based institution. It is in fact born of a lie.

Truth is not negotiable. Similarly, I am convinced that much of the secular information we are given to believe is intentionally misleading and designed to advance the agenda of a few. To discover if there is any truth to this statement requires much study and desire to know. This is the kind of truth I find useful and can be discovered by those with a determination to discover it, but that isn't a discussion for this forum.