how did you come to terms with the temple?

it wasn't as bad as I had imagined, but wasn't anything like I had imagined either.

I never got over it. I just quit attending. I only went back 4 or 5 times.

I chose not to try and make sense of the temple. It was to me ritualistic and foreign to my Mormon experience.

I found the temple to be the final of four reasons for me to begin to separate myself from Mormonism.


The Mormon temple is absurd.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2015 09:47PM by gentlestrength.

it was 1981 and my wife to be and i were converts, and our wedding day was our first time in the temple, i did not make it past the inititory or the touchy feely thing or what ever u call it i left. she left soon after we talked and i told her me and church are done and told her why and i said we have a licience we can get married or go our seperate ways and we went seperate ways, i drove 300 miles home and turned in my notice at work and left two weeks later

Paulsal--that took some courage!

You did what so many of us wanted to to!

I hope your new life has turned out to be a great and satisfying adventure!

Your action is not common. Must have been clear to you not to move forward.

The situation sounds ideal for getting away from Mormonism. Apart from the part of losing your fiancé. That must have been difficult.

I am sure you can appreciate, especially for women, how difficult it is to separate from Mormonism when one of the most problematic rites in Mormonism is tied to the wedding.

Did quitting your job relate to Mormonism?

Yes! I thought it was so evil, that I thought that I felt the presence of Satan there--every time I went--it felt wrong.

The first time I went, the were doing the blood oaths, and I thought, "WHY didn't anyone tell me I would have to do this?" I remembered a while back in the ceremony, when the recording (or whatever) said that those who felt uncomfortable could leave, but those few minutes ago, I had no idea of what I was getting into. I felt duped.

During the blood oaths, I physically crossed my fingers, and prayed, "God, I don't mean it." Why was I praying to God, as though he were outside the temple, far away, not approving of this at all? I was lying. Everyone was lying. Satan (the actor) was telling us what to do with our clothes...all the dressing and undressing and dressing and standing up and down, with everyone looking worse than clowns. My distinguished, intelligent father, wearing a weird clown outfit, across the room, where the men were separated--he couldn't possibly believe this stuff. He and Mother never wore garments, never went to the temple. He must have paid thousands of dollars in tithing to be here to see me married. Poor guy! Oh God! My future husband is loving all of this. He looks creepy and fat, his face red and bloated under the tight hat. I don't want to marry him--but I love my father and mother and grandparents. This is my heritage, and I owe them....

There had always been so much secrecy about the temple. We were always warned that we need to "understand, and not take things the wrong way." I was confident that I would be OK. We were promised "knew knowledge", and that was exciting to me.

It was just those same Genesis passages I'd memorized in Catholic school, and a bunch of secret handshakes and signs and symbols. I was right to be confident in myself, though, because I knew immediately that it was all a bunch of hooey. God, who knows us and sees all, wouldn't require secret handshakes before allowing us into Heaven. It was like a cult, and that freaked me out the most. Mormonism is a cult, and I was in it, bigtime!

It took two nightmare years to get out of the abusive temple marriage, and about 7 more years to leave the cult, along with my second TBM husband and our children.

Trust your gut!

I have friends and relatives who work in the temples, and who have been temple presidents. It's all useless and fake. It's for dead people. I don't understand how they can throw away so many hours of their lives.

I was disturbed by the fact that it was obviously ripped off from the Masonic ceremony. I thought they were anti-Mormon lies until I went through the endowment the first time then was shocked to see the same signs, handshakes, symbols etc.

Thanks for your story!
"WHY didn't anyone tell me I would have to do this?"

This is why I left the church. I hadn't gone through the temple yet, and I looked for what the temple ceremonies were like online so that I would know what I would be promising in advance. When I read Richard Packham's site, I knew an ethical church of God would never put people through ceremonies like that without giving them at least two weeks worth of time to think about it and decide for themselves, without the peer/family pressure there is when you're there on the spot.

What a horrible thing to put people through. It's mental torture, and spiritual abuse of the highest level, which are both things that are what a devil would do, not a good God. There are definitely devils in human flesh, whether there are supernatural demons or not.

Nov.86 live session. Was naked under a sheet. All the slicing and cutting. Nothing but confusing.Was my defining moment to the begining of the end.

Yes, the pantomime death gestures and the chant in the prayer circle screamed cult. I hated going to the temple and tried to convince myself that something was wrong with me but it didn't work. I never went after the changes so I don't know what it is like now.

The sealing ceremony scared the s**t out of me when I was 13 or so.

It was then I remembered my parents had brought us into a cult.

Left scars on my mind, as I felt my parents had failed me and let me down. :o((

Its a wild swing, when a person goes from thinking they are going to see Jesus or angel to instead being; told to disrobe, getting disrobed / naked, being subjected to some pretty questionable touching while disrobed, being given some very lame secret handshakes, being subjected to gory death threats, mimicking the action of being murdered according to the gory death threats.

I was VERY DISAPPOINTED, SHOCKED and APPALLED with the ceremony. I am even more disappointed with myself that I did not walk out, and tell my MORmON parents to shove their freaky weird religion.

How did I reconcile myself to the temple ceremony? -I quit the MORmON cult, 19 years later. That is how I resolved that gaping glaring disparity. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTDKUmI-NOE

Re: were you freaked out by the temple as a tbm?
Posted by: Elizabeth S.
Date: 03/07/2015 09:34AM

I was a convert at 17. (My fiancé was a TBM.)

I was 18 when I went to BYU, (Provo). We had a few "lame and meaningless" dates (where we were never alone much, so we didn't get to know each other very well.)
After 3 weeks into my first semester, we were engaged. We were engaged because "he" was worried that we might do something (sexual) before we were married. (That wasn't on my mind…only his.)
Four months later, I was barely 19 when I found myself in the Washington Maryland Temple, which was south of my "home", where I grew up in Ontario, Canada.

This was also where my fiancé "stalked" me as a missionary. He had his eye out on me from the first "knock on the door" and he consistently broke the mission rules, by taking off from commitments in Quebec in order to just "turn up" at something I was involved in. I wasn't stupid; I knew he wanted more than a missionary relationship. So did my mother (but she thought it was kind of a game and liked the idea of me being chased). Creepy.

I always thought a mission was supposed to be a spiritual calling. Well, I grew up fast. A man is a man. And this one, was following my actions through the grapevine. (Gossip). He kept tabs on me. He was a manipulator and a controller.
He didn't convince me to get baptized. That hard work was left to others.
But, he kept coming up with plans for us to meet after his mission release. He convinced me to go to BYU instead of Carleton University. (I was stupid to give my power away.)

He descended from several lines of polygamy, something I'd abhorred and so he therefore, didn't let me know until AFTER we were married. Great timing. That way, I would be forced to accept his family history because we were now married. Oh…he kept back LOTS of information. He lied about church events and doctrines…to shut me up. (Years later, I studied the Journal of Discourses before the church did their little "recall". When I read out loud to my husband, he told ME I was a liar. This was church approved, written material and he called Me the liar. The same deal went re: the Mountain Meadow Massacres…he just yelled and screamed at me, calling me a black child of Satan.)

I did have a red flag when in 1978, Spencer W Kimball decided the blacks could now have the priesthood. (This historical bigotry of the Mormons towards Blacks, really pissed off my Father…because he hated prejudice, being of East European descent, looking swarthy, with black hair, dark skin, brown eyes.. my father experienced the sting of bigotry too.)

Back to The Temple wedding.
I was alone. I had no family, and no friends with me. (because they were not worthy)..

My "unworthy" mother hand made my wedding dress. It was very appropriate and made me look like a girl. The neck was a crew neck, so it was all the way up to my collar bone. BUT some budinski old matron threatened to make me wear a "dicky" to cover up "what?", I don't know. I almost started crying. But I did say NO. Now a group of women surrounded me. They could see I might be the type to leave the temple period. Another old lady reprimanded the first, saying my neckline was appropriate. They left me alone…no dicky was forced on me.

In 1979, the OLD ceremonies were in place. OMG the washings and anointings blew my mind. I KNEW I was in a cult at that very moment. I had a weird old lady worker who got "a little too close" to where she shouldn't be. The whole thing felt inappropriate. She should not have been touching me anywhere…period. I felt totally violated.
(Recently, I learned the church changed the ceremony and how it's done. Meanwhile, I've got PTSS over it from 1979. And… I know many others do.)

I hated the lack of compassion for me, being a new teenaged bride in a strange land…and a strange temple. No family! Nobody cared. This was about "their" eternal family… NOT mine! I was JUST a number. My heart broke. I was not in love with this man, anymore than he was in love with me. He was infatuated with my looks, my figure, my energy and potential. I was his trophy bride and a prize from his mission (he'd say this later on throughout our marriage). He'd brag for years about how he "got me so young"…and he "liked them sweet"…"he liked sweet young things". Puke.
So I felt I was "captured".

The Endowment ceremony (1979) blew my mind instantly. My scientific, emotional, rational, spiritual minds screamed out: 'This is so wrong! None of this makes sense to me. It shows me this is a cult!' I was terrified with no way out of the temple and no way to get back to my parents in Canada. I was trapped.

However, all of my exhusband's family was there.
On what was supposed to be the most important day of MY life and my family was shunned (judged) for being Non-mormons.
Naturally, my fiance's family was Holy and therefore permitted to witness my marriage.

So, the sealings were performed. I didn't feel married; I was miserable and broken.
There was such a disconnect.

One of the brothers had a 2nd wife, and he decided to get sealed on our wedding day too. How special for that family.
The kicker was that "nobody" asked me. Nobody gave a crap. No respect. And yet, my EX's family were enraptured.

Incidently, both the sealed families split up over 20 years ago. Divorces and messed up children.
I left my ex (and our 3 young children) after a 13 year marriage. He was selfish, a controller and abusive, negligent me and the children, and, he had a sexual addiction but it wasn't to me: He was "addicted to himself", if you know what I mean…

A few years ago, my adult son, asked a lot of questions about why I would even marry his father to begin with. And… he wanted to know about the Temple part of it.
I gave him my story. The temple ceremony included and how I probably had PTSS over it to this day.

After, he said, "Mom, I can't believe you went through all of this bullshit. I didn't realize how hurt you were by this
until now…."
Just to hear genuine concern from him, brought me to tears. After all, I got nothing but hatred and abuse from his father….who continually called me "the black child of Satan".
Yes…I need more therapy.

"I left my ex (and our 3 young children) after a 13 year marriage."

Did your ex keep the kids? or did you leave with your 3 young children?

I'm a little confused.

notamormon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "I left my ex (and our 3 young children) after a
> 13 year marriage."
>
> Did your ex keep the kids? or did you leave with
> your 3 young children?
>
> I'm a little confused.

I'm sorry for the confusion, in the way I wrote that…
I left my ex and took my 3 children with me. (I made sure I had custody.)

Heartbreaking story, sorry you went through so much

You deserve to be treated with respect by everyone you meet. Period.

I hated going to the temple. The first time going wasn't a problem, but I never wanted to go back. It was so uncomfortable. Of course every TBM makes you feel like an a$$ hole if don't go to the temple regularly. Not ever having to even consider going into that building again is a huge relief for me.

1) The Baptisms and Confirmations for the dead I did as a teenager. No. These did not freak me out. It felt more "assembly line" but a little "Christian" rites that could be accepted by the dead if desired?!?! I was simply a vessel performing a rite (over and over) for someone who had died, if they wanted to accept it, okay--otherwise, was it a waste of time and resources? probably.

2) The Washing and Anointing and receiving the garments. Yes the naked touching wasn't the most comfortable thing, but then again if a man joins the Jewish faith he has to go through the circumcision rite (even those already circumcised get a little pin poke to get the blood flow). This part felt sort of Christian/Religious. I could see how this could be tied back to the rites of the ancient Israelite temples.

3) The Endowment ceremony. This I knew is/was not correct or it was so misconstrued or re-interpreted that it made no sense or reason. The feelings were cult, fraternity/sorority initiation and just plain silly. Felt more like joining a club or for those boy scouts, I had more and better secret signs and explanations for the "Order of the Arrow" than I did for Mormondom VIP Heaven entry. I kept going back to see if I could find the "Great Knowledge and Sacred Secrets" that maybe I had possibly missed. I never did. All the movie did was tell me the same things I could of found in the scriptures and the signs, tokens and penalties (I went pre-1990 changes) could be found in any book on Masonry.

The Prayer circle part was very, very disturbing and very cultish. This part seemed like it had been ripped from the pages of cults 101.

4) The Sealing ceremony. It sounds so lovely, precious on paper "Families are Forever" to have parents sealed together with their children; but what if you don't like your in-laws? or what about your kids, do your daughters have to go to your new son-in-law? The tragedy can be seen every time at a temple marriage of the poor families that have parents or children having to wait outside. This tears and divides families apart more than seals them together.

5) The Second-anointing. This was a rite that I had learned about and then verified by Tom Phillips story. This one rite does sound more religious than Endowments or Sealings. The washing of the feet by a G.A. and the anointing and sealing given by the wife to the husband?!?! This one sounds like rites that were made up from biblical stories and more of a Lock and Key to the members who have reached a certain level in the cult.

I was totally freaked out. The only thing that kept me there was my mother's warning that it was "kind of bizzarre." Thanks a lot mom, I might have escaped on the spot if not for you!

I have never recovered from having an 80 year old man grope my ball sac.

To this day I have never let another old man touch my private parts for any reason!

In thirty years I only went for one endowment when my wife and I went together to be sealed. I baptised one time and did sealings one time. That is the sum total of my temple experience. Did not freak out at anytime. How could you when you are doing what God has commanded of us?

I immediately recognized the temple ceremony as make believe. My bishop and his wife took me, the week before I entered the mission field. I was mostly sad that people I really respected thought it to be the cat's meow. It was the classic naked emperor.

But I really liked my bishop and the former bishop and their families and some really, really nice people in the ward, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to go along with it and so I oooh! and aaah! as the emperor sashayed about town, resplendent in his make believe gown...

I only went two more times, both essentially unavoidable. The second time was during the week in the SLC Mission home, and then when my BYU bride and I were sealed for ALL TIME and ETERNITY!

I never had the slightest problem telling people that I didn't like going to the temple. You know what? I was never asked why I didn't like going.

And I absolutely call stinky bullshit on those who stood up in F&TM to declaim on how wonderful the temple is and how they never failed to learn something new every time they went.

I watched about 13 seconds of one of the secret temple videos and got queasy and did not want to watch any more.

It's 11 year old kids making up a secret club and making believe that it means something and that it makes them super cool. Only 11 year old girls in this day and age would not sit still for the misogyny... (Or so I want to believe.)

My husband was a convert, so it was both of our first-time through when we took out our endowments. I knew it was going to be weird, but was in no way prepared for how terrifying it was. I felt uncomfortable doing the washing and anointing but the thing that really upset me was that suddenly women had the right to bless me? Women are not good enough to have the priesthood openly but can have it in the secret/sacred temple? Then we went into the endowment. It made me confused and uncomfortable that I wasn't allowed to sit next to my fiancé. He was sitting a few rows ahead of me. When they asked if anyone wanted to leave, I was praying he would look back at me and we could leave together. He didn't. So I stayed. My leg was shaking uncontrollably throughout all of the bizarre handshakes, etc. But the part that really freaked me out was the prayer circle and that they made the women cover their faces?!?! My parents went up to the front holding hands like they actually like each other...what a bunch of lies. All of it. By the time I got into the celestial room I started bawling, and it wasn't a, I feel the spirit, kind of cry. Everyone was looking at me. My Mom actually went up to my fiancé (who was a convert) and told him that I was only crying because I was afraid he wouldn't like it...WTF?!?!

Fast forward to our wedding day. His family flew from across the country to come to the wedding in Utah, but weren't "worthy" to come in. I had no idea that I was going to have to wear the ridiculous ritual clothes and it was a little heartbreaking. As a little girl, you never really imagine your wedding day wearing a green apron and an f-ing cult uniform. They try to sell you on the symbolism of the mirrors, I remember thinking, really? Those mirrors? My husband and I had to hold back from laughing when we saw each other and were kneeling across from each other. Afterward, the 90 yr. old sealer came up and gave me an "eskimo kiss" on the nose, which everyone thought was just so cute and adorable and I thought was creepy, weird and uncomfortable. UGH. The whole thing was traumatic. We only went back once in the 4 years before we left TSCC.

Already Gone Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> how did you come to terms with the temple?

Yep, I was freaked out. Keep in mind that I first went through well before the 1990 changes, so I did all the "death gestures." I wondered what the hell this stuff was, and where was the "jesus wants me for a sunbeam" church I had grown up in...?

I never did come to terms with it. The whole thing was childish, ridiculous, and idiotic. I couldn't understand how anyone considered it "super-spiritual" or "sacred." To me, it was like a bunch of teenagers made up a secret club with secret handshakes and stuff. And that was before I knew about it being ripped off nearly wholesale from Freemasonry (which essentially *is* a bunch of adolescent minds making up a boys' club with secret handshakes).

I went through the first time just before going on my mission. I went through a few times at the MTC. There was no temple in my mission, so I went 2 years without having to put up with it. I went through once after I got back, and have never been back -- as I left the church.

p.s. I was one of the fortunate ones to have the old temple working doing my "washing and annointing" get a little too friendly with the annointing, and spend some time rubbing oil on my holy member and its two companions. It disgusted me. I tried to ask diplomatically -- IN the temple -- if that was normal, and everyone I tried to talk about it with told me that obviously it was just my imagination, or I had been mistaken, that no temple worker would ever do that. It was pretty minor, and didn't "traumatize" me...what did "traumatize" me was having everyone I told about it call me either a liar or delusional.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2015 09:03PM by ificouldhietokolob.

Wow, I've heard the temple thingy described here before. But ... it came across as 'anointing oil close to, but not on the privates'. Yet this thread contains at least two instances of boys being sexually fondled by men during this 'high pressure' ceremony.

I know women annoint women, and men annoint men. But is there any chance this has evolved over the many years of Mormonism? Was there ever a time when men annointed women? If it ever was this way, then I could see how it could have started as a way for a bunch of perverts to grope everyone in the congregation.

At the very least this, temple business comes across as a tactic to coerce conformity. You could whack people with a stick, and as long as everyone else you trusted (and needed to remain associated with) was ok with it, most people would supress their cog-dis, go into denial, and become a little more mentally pliant. (Read up on child abuse and find out about how disociation works in the human mind.)

I'm so sorry you all had to endure this, to me it's sexual abuse ... and a ritual to shock people into willingness to comply and conform.

And then there's the old days ... what was it like then? "Oh here, let me fondle your new wife" ...

It's perverted and sick. And these are the people so upset about normal human sexuality? Wow, just ... wow.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for what all of you shared in this thread. You just saved me a

hundred dollars an hour trying to explain to a therapist who is not familiar with the temple

ceremony as it was in the sixties why I carry such feelings of absolute disgust some 45 years later

of my wedding day.No one from either side was there with us and as I read your experiences, I feel

the validation that I needed some forty five years ago, when I walked out of the temple

in utter shock, confusion and complete disgust. I felt completely traumatized by everything

mentioned that took place while I was in the temple, not to mention being asked to make promises

that were never revealed to me before entering the temple. One person, said it perfectly, I

crossed my fingers and quietly said "no". It was a life altering moment when I felt

I had been misled and basically duped. It took me a long time to leave. The lack of

conversation between my husband and myself only served to act as a destructive start to a

marriage that inevitably ended years later.

The whole experience was abusive and finally I hear that I am not alone in my feelings. It

truly helps me to begin to heal my heart. So thank you for sharing.

I was never a "TBM" but I found the whole process and ceremony ridiculous and stupid the ONLY time I went through. What a waste of time...

I never did go to the temple. I'm a 40 year old BIC, no mission and never married. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I trusted myself to never give up my heathen underwear and avoid a bogus wedding.

I didn't know about the naked touching, green aprons, new name and handshakes till about 2009.

Of course I was never a TBM.

Please don't be hate me because I was smart enough to avoid this trauma.

To all those who went through with it, you are not dumb. You knew in your hearts it was wrong. You guys were simply trying your hardest to please you family. What an unselfish thing you did to show respect towards family.

Everyone hear deserves a medal for the bravery they showed. If I could take a magic wand and erase this experience from your memory, I would.

Yes, but I didn't tell anyone. I accidentally let on that it had really shocked me on my mission while on splits with the ward mission leader's son, who was about to leave on a mission. I said something to the effect of the temple made me say to myself, "what the heck kind of religion am I part of?" the first time I went through. My comp and the kid both looked at me really weird, and I instantly KNEW that you can't ever say that. I never did again. Ha!