The wake viewing was an eye opener yesterday. I still have brother's funeral to get through in one more day. With my cousin by my side there was a fresh pair of eyes to take things in, namely family dynamics. I found that I was not off base in my perception of where things stood.

My SIL only came into the viewing after my side of the family was there. With her side of the family. That in itself seemed a little strange. My cousin with the fresh set of eyes shared what she saw in my SIL. She saw a lot of anger in her face, and a black spot on her heart. Cousin has been to many Mormon viewings, but hasn't seen one where the family was divided, or no one else allowed in.

One of my brother's adopted daughters was inconsolable. It wasn't her mother there to comfort her though. It was my brother, my cousin, myself. Her mom sat in the viewing room with her children coming to console her, instead of the other way around.

Cousin and I both agreed one reason the adopted daughter was so despondent is because she knows her support system is gone, now with my brother's passing. It has, and will continue to be non-existent from her mother. And that revelation was both stunning as well as heartbreaking.

SIL spent her lifetime isolating and alienating my brother from our family. She is still doing it with his passing through her biological children. One of my bio nieces was giving hugs to some relatives, and as she passed by me she said "well since you're here I suppose I'll give you a hug," as rudely and sarcastically as she could muster. I'm the only living sister of my brother, and the only one who flew across the country to be here for him and this family during a time of mourning. I was not prepared for her chilly reception. My cousin believes it's her mother controlling and alienating those children still.

My nephew's wife gave me an icy, menacing stare. I have only shown kindness to her and the niece. They have been taught to hate. Niece and nephew are both RM's.

I thank God my cousin was there with me to provide moral support. My two last living siblings were there, with no problems. Cousin was able to be objective, where I was not. She said there was something truly wrong with SIL. And that she has taught her bio children to emulate her over my brother. She wants the adopted daughter/s to know that my brother's love for each of them lives on now that they're on their own. SIL will be selling their 8000 sq ft home, and moving in with RM niece a state away.

Meanwhile, SIL's sister, who abandoned her children in early childhood because she didn't want to be a mother back then, was living at my brother's until the day before he died. As soon as he was gone, she moved back in. Compare that to his only sister, whom my SIL spent her lifetime alienating him from, and now their children.

I have to ask myself, why the heck did I bother traveling this far to pay my respects? Funerals aren't meant to be hateful affairs. Yet that is who these people are.

I am thankful to be here, and to have shared some time with siblings, see my brother's remains and say goodbye to him. And to see those who are happy to see me. I know that my brother would've wanted me here. In spite of his wife and some of their children.

It is one of the most dysfunctional and hateful families I have the misfortune of being related to.

There is one day left to go before the funeral. I know some of these so called relatives I shall never meet again. Does that bring me sorrow? Yes it does.

Families, LDS families or any kind, were never meant to be so dysfunctional or outright hateful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2018 06:50PM by Amyjo.

This sounds like it sucks all around, but it sounds like you may have a new "adopted daughter"?

I dunno. We never developed much of a relationship. But who knows? One may develop now. My cousin is sending her a letter back with me inviting her to come live with her if she ever needs it. Where she can go to university in a town where there's more to do than where she is, with more opportunities. So we'll see. At least she knows our side of the family is here for her.

We're friends on Facebook. My brother had a lot of love to go around. If anyone emulates him from his immediate family, it is those adopted children more than his biological ones. His biological children take after their mother more, because that is how she has trained them up to be. Or it's because of DNA passed down from her to them.

So sorry to read of this double heartbreak. Grief is hard enough without added drama and dysfunction.
Perhaps from this you can bond with your adopted nieces. They and you can share some loving, happy memories of your brother with each other. It would benefit you all.
If you choose to extend an olive branch to his other children, be prepared for their reactions. If not, move on and let God work it out.

I agree. Try to build closer bonds with those who treated you nicely. They may need you. Ignore the rest of 'em.

That is what I'm going to try to do. Be cool and calm. I'm there for those who want me there, and for my late brother. The rest of them can go whistle Dixie.

It’s hard to see Joseph’s toxic poison for what it is. It’s so unbelievable that you need another set of eyes even though you know you aren’t crazy. Whatever it is, it’s some deep shit. What’s apparent is the consequences. “What’s in this Kool Aid” kinds of consequences.

Mormonism is toxic. That much is apparent.

For everyone’s sake, it’s probably best to get out of there as soon as possible, don’t look back, and speak of it as little as possible going forward. If you allow your animosity towards all these relatives continue to grow you’ll get infected like the one with a black heart.

When I find myself complaining about others it’s a huge red flag that I need to look within and work on myself.

My cousin says the same thing. She also thinks it important to render support to those who need it most, who aren't harboring animosity toward me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2018 07:53PM by Amyjo.

I hope this is your last day there, Amyjo. Hang in there!

It was my last day there, Kathleen.

Tomorrow I head back home and back to my routine. It was a bittersweet, sad family reunion. Happy to see most of them. Sombering to realize some of them I may never see again. The most religious among them were also the most divisive.

So sorry you are having to deal with this, and also my condolences to you on the death of your brother.

For a church that supposedly touts how magnificent they are in promoting "forever families", there are certainly huge holes in this idea. The box that this concept fits in to is narrow.....a family member must check off all the requirements that is needed to be included in this elite box. If not, well let's see, you can't get in the temple to see any relatives married, you most likely will not be invited to their FHEs, you won't see much of them on Sundays as they will be busy with meetings and more meetings, and on and on it goes.

And, most of all, MormonCult members will most likely instill in their interactions with you by their arrogant and judgmental attitude that you fall short, are sinning, and they really don't want to be around you much at all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/10/2018 06:14PM by presleynfactsrock.

Mormons are well insulated in their own little bubble and so sure of themselves that it's 'their way or the highway.' Which is utterly laughable.

" Knowing how much my bro loved them, I bought a lovely spray on the drive over there with a ribbon that said, "loving brother." It stood at the podium next to where the speakers gave their talks. It was very colorful, and added much to the funeral procession. I'm so glad I was able to do that."

Classy move. Great job.

The funeral was held at the local ward meeting house, and filled with by and large the local LDS community. The stake president, asst stake pres, and bishop were present. Bishop gave closing remarks. Bro's children, a good friend of bro's, also LDS, and one of our (and only) TBM sibling gave eulogies. Me, being the apostate sister, was not asked to be on the program. But my atheist son was an honorary pallbearer.

The niece who had an attitude two days ago, said nothing to me today. I spoke freely to each of my bro's children except for her, as I had nothing to say to her either. I'll deal with her at a future date. Or just let karma bite her in the britches.

They had asked for no flowers in lieu of money to go toward funeral costs. Later we were told there was insurance for that however. Knowing how much my bro loved them, I bought a lovely spray on the drive over there with a ribbon that said, "loving brother." It stood at the podium next to where the speakers gave their talks. It was very colorful, and added much to the funeral procession. I'm so glad I was able to do that.

My SIL seemed to be managing better today than before. I was proud of my brother's children, they each really miss and love their dad.

Then best part of all for me was seeing his best childhood friends from high school show up. I recognized them first. They looked the same as they did back then, only older lol.

Other than the service seemed a bit drawn out by some of the priesthood holders there trying to turn it into a mini general conference, it was a very nice service.

Although I left before the funeral potatoes were served. I'd already had my fill by then for one day.

Sorry Amyjo. Posted this to your other comment. It should be here;

" Knowing how much my bro loved them, I bought a lovely spray on the drive over there with a ribbon that said, "loving brother." It stood at the podium next to where the speakers gave their talks. It was very colorful, and added much to the funeral procession. I'm so glad I was able to do that."

Classy move. Great job.