Posted by:
Amyjo
(
)
Date: September 09, 2018 12:54PM
The wake viewing was an eye opener yesterday. I still have brother's funeral to get through in one more day. With my cousin by my side there was a fresh pair of eyes to take things in, namely family dynamics. I found that I was not off base in my perception of where things stood.
My SIL only came into the viewing after my side of the family was there. With her side of the family. That in itself seemed a little strange. My cousin with the fresh set of eyes shared what she saw in my SIL. She saw a lot of anger in her face, and a black spot on her heart. Cousin has been to many Mormon viewings, but hasn't seen one where the family was divided, or no one else allowed in.
One of my brother's adopted daughters was inconsolable. It wasn't her mother there to comfort her though. It was my brother, my cousin, myself. Her mom sat in the viewing room with her children coming to console her, instead of the other way around.
Cousin and I both agreed one reason the adopted daughter was so despondent is because she knows her support system is gone, now with my brother's passing. It has, and will continue to be non-existent from her mother. And that revelation was both stunning as well as heartbreaking.
SIL spent her lifetime isolating and alienating my brother from our family. She is still doing it with his passing through her biological children. One of my bio nieces was giving hugs to some relatives, and as she passed by me she said "well since you're here I suppose I'll give you a hug," as rudely and sarcastically as she could muster. I'm the only living sister of my brother, and the only one who flew across the country to be here for him and this family during a time of mourning. I was not prepared for her chilly reception. My cousin believes it's her mother controlling and alienating those children still.
My nephew's wife gave me an icy, menacing stare. I have only shown kindness to her and the niece. They have been taught to hate. Niece and nephew are both RM's.
I thank God my cousin was there with me to provide moral support. My two last living siblings were there, with no problems. Cousin was able to be objective, where I was not. She said there was something truly wrong with SIL. And that she has taught her bio children to emulate her over my brother. She wants the adopted daughter/s to know that my brother's love for each of them lives on now that they're on their own. SIL will be selling their 8000 sq ft home, and moving in with RM niece a state away.
Meanwhile, SIL's sister, who abandoned her children in early childhood because she didn't want to be a mother back then, was living at my brother's until the day before he died. As soon as he was gone, she moved back in. Compare that to his only sister, whom my SIL spent her lifetime alienating him from, and now their children.
I have to ask myself, why the heck did I bother traveling this far to pay my respects? Funerals aren't meant to be hateful affairs. Yet that is who these people are.
I am thankful to be here, and to have shared some time with siblings, see my brother's remains and say goodbye to him. And to see those who are happy to see me. I know that my brother would've wanted me here. In spite of his wife and some of their children.
It is one of the most dysfunctional and hateful families I have the misfortune of being related to.
There is one day left to go before the funeral. I know some of these so called relatives I shall never meet again. Does that bring me sorrow? Yes it does.
Families, LDS families or any kind, were never meant to be so dysfunctional or outright hateful.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2018 06:50PM by Amyjo.