If they wanted me to refrain from discussing the church with them,I would respect their wishes. If they expected me to censor myself with others then I would not.I also reserve the right to say what I want publically or on social media. I try to be tactful,but I get to say what I like when I feel it is appropriate.
Shortly after I broke the news to him that I resigned, a Jack-Mormon acquaintance invited me to a dinner party at his house.
At that point, he was back attending the church after a long period of inactivity...he had just started dating a nevermo, and was trying to lead her into the baptismal waters.
He says, "Can you please do me a favor, and not say anything bad about the church in front of my girlfriend?"
I let him know that I was insulted that he thought I would bring up such a subject at a party, and that either way, I don't feel comfortable accepting a party invitation under a condition of self-censorship.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/15/2015 10:54PM by godtoldmetorun.
Every situation is unique. Godtoldmetorun had an interesting situation, because his friend was trying to sell the cult to his girlfriend, and the subject of religion was certainly going to be discussed. The whole thing was planned to be weighted in favor of the Mormons, and Godtoldme would have had to be phony, and exhibit silent approval. There's no way I would have accepted that kind of dinner invitation.
But, I live my whole life holding my peace, while the Mormons stalk my grandchildren, and hold their TBM parents hostage. They come to my door, gossip about me, insult and shun me--but I must be polite, because any miss-step on my part would get back to my TBM loved ones. Mormonism is the only subject of contention between otherwise very loving children and grandchildren, and me. So, I stuff it. I feel like they are holding a gun to my head. I'm afraid I might lose it, someday, so I stay away from Mormons and Mormon-dominated situations. Thank goodness there are people on RFM who can be real and can speak out.
For example, if a friend and I were on our way to some event, but he had to drop in on his elderly TBM mother first and he wanted to get in and out of there without any drama, so he makes the request for a show of temporary restraint...I wouldn't be insulted nor think that made him less of a true friend.
If he were making it an ongoing condition of our friendship, that would be another matter.
I haven't had anyone ask me that, but it would probably bother me if they did.
That said, I don't really get into church history with my friends. They know that I left because of church history, and I figure that if they want to know more, they know where to come. But otherwise, I just don't feel the need to bring it up to them. I find other things to talk about.
I went to dinner with a friend and her family. The friend is a ex Mo atheist I met on the boards. Some of her family are active so she asked me not to mention the ex Mo boards which is where we met.She thought that might offend some of her family. I was okay with it.They did ask where we met and if I hadnt been warned,I would have told the truth. Instead I said Facebook. I think it depends on how and why it is done, but I would be offended if someone felt like they had to forbid me from ranting against the church in front of TBMs. Hello! I would not do that.
If the emperor had no clothes, would they want to keep pretending? If so, why?
If something they knew was false or harmful, would they continue pretending it was true and healthy?
With religion and politics, at an impasse, both parties can agree to disagree and change topics. The problem is Mormons usually talk about everything related to Mormonism since it sucks up most of their time and energy.
It absolutely works both ways. I will respect a friend and his different opinions bynot starting a conversation on a contentious subject,but I expect the same. I generally do not bring up religion,but all bets are off the other person starts preaching.
I agree that it works both ways, and since my mom married a Jack Mormon with TBM children who are raising their own children that way, I've faced this situation. We just don't discuss religion at all, but if the recent RM started preaching, then all bets would be off. That probably won't happen since even though the recent RM is still extremely religious, she's still not the type to preach except on social media, which is why I'm not Facebook friends with her at this point. The other TBM's have never once brought up religion at all, and they're not even offended by seeing a coffee machine on my mom's kitchen counter. The only thing they might be offended by is alcohol, so that gets hidden when the Mormons are around out of respect for their beliefs.
Yeah, if they asked me to do that, I would expect them never to mention tscc. They can't do it. Their whole lives are TSCC. I know when it is and isnot appropriate. Thankfully my bff's are totally tbm but loveme, and we can hassleeach other.
Yes I would. Provided there is a rationale for it, that it's mutual and limited to a reasonable context. It is actually an unspoken agreement I have with one of my siblings. Neither of us will talk mormonism with each other and when his wife or someone else insist on bringing it up he is usually the one to steer the conversation away from it.
All my other siblings, aswell as my parents, are unfortunately much less reluctant bringing up mormonism in my presence than my brother is, but still obviously that's not what our relationships revolve around anyway, and there is a recognition on both their and my part that civility is best kept by not getting too in-your-face about mormonism. They get to bless dinner and so on, I get to drink my coffee. Win-win for everyone.
I'd consider her my best friend. We had some issues about talking about mormonism for a while because SHE kept saying things like "my granddaughter loves the church so much," etc., in the middle of an e-mail conversation that had NOTHING to do with the lds church. And many other things.
I usually don't talk about the church in my everyday life UNLESS someone else brings it up. And then I will tell them the truth. I've told my friend if she doesn't want to hear what I have to say about it, she needs to not bring it up. She doesn't bring it up UNLESS she has a question and then I tell her.
She was really upset when I posted the mormonthink link on my fb page last summer. I did it because Scott Carles was my twins' teacher for 2 years in elementary school. I asked her if she had read at least the first page and she went ahead and read it. She said she was pleased with what it said and the subject dropped.
We've been able to somehow maintain our friendship, but there have been some bumps along the way.
Now my TBM daughter. She knows how I feel. I also ignore a lot of her "talk" because I was like her in my 20s, so I am giving her the right to make her own choices like I did, but we have had out and out battles over the lds church.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2015 09:15AM by cl2.
I would have no problem if a friend asked me to hold my peace about the church as long as they did the same and didn't discuss anything church related with me.
the second a third party comes into play that friendship should not be respected by censorship in order for a "friend" to indoctrinate another via lies of omission into an organization that is harmful.
Scientologist to "friend" that left Scientology due to it being a corporate cult and a fraud. "Hey Friend, don't tell Emma anything bad about Scientology at dinner, OK?"
Yeah, there is a shite load of integrity in that! NOT!
No. As others have pointed out, a "true friend" wouldn't ask you to be dishonest or keep quiet about something you feel is harmful. Also, the first thing I would wonder about (and ask about) if a friend asked me this: why? What reason do you have to want me to not say anything? I suspect the motive would be other than integrity and honesty.
I have several mormon friends and I never discuss the church with them at all. They generally don't bring it up to me. I do believe that the mormons I know are kind of embarrassed about their religion so they keep it to themselves. I'm fine with that.
If they were to post something on FB (which rarely happens) I don't respond.