Posted by:
BYU Boner
(
)
Date: March 23, 2015 09:53PM
WHAO! Been camping with an old Jack Mormon buddy...
There it was nightfall, a dark night, the stars trembled softly in the cold. Me and Jack huddled next to the camp fire bullshitting and drinking our Shocktops. Suddenly, a long, tall shadow appeared.
"Boner and Jack, it's me, Dan the Danite."
"Oh fuck! Jack, we've done it now, we've raised the spirit of Dan the Danite!"
"Easy there, Boner. Let's make sure this is official." Jack stood up and offered the Shade his hand. "Here there, Dan, how about a nice manly handshake between friends?" Jack's hand was as steady as a man with three Shocktops in him.
With a gentle swoosh, Dan put his hand forward...
"Oh flip, Boner! I felt nothing! This freakin' shade is indeed Dan the Danite! You're the senior companion, you deal with him!"
"But Jack, I never went on a mission--you did, and you're a high priest, I'm just an elder!"
"It's the same priesthood Boner, just a different calling." Jack said as he went back to the fire.
Oh fuck, what to do with the spirit of a Danite?
"Hey Dan, how come you to our campsite in the cold, dark night, tonight?"
"Boner, I am here to enforce the law. Didest thou not promise to slit thy throat when thou wast in the temple?"
"Now come on Mr. Dan, I was told that the temple ceremony was purely symbolic. And, didn't you hear that it had been changed to reflect a gentler endowment with no more bloody oaths?"
"Excuses will get you nowhere, Boner. Didest thou not promise?"
"Well, of course I did, but no one TOLD me what I was going to promise before hand."
"And another thing, Boner. Thy language is too crude, thou shalt use Elizabethan English to communicate with me."
"But Mr. Dan, Chaucer used words like piss, shit, and quince (I figured I'd let him figure out the Middle-English vulgarism). Can I at least say, 'Flicken Sie.'"
"Boner, German f-bombs are still f-bombs even though thou has used the formal 'Sie,' thou art still a cusser."
"Come on, Dan, admit it, you've dropped an f-bomb occasionally in your youth. Admit it, you went to Lehi High in the land Bountiful!"
"Boner, thou has kindled my sore wrath, thy punishment is that every time thou droppest an f-bomb, thou shalt read one General Conference talk and hear Shummy prattle on about Sandy Eggo and his harlots!"
"Ah, Dan! My punishment is more than I canst bear, is there no help for the Boner's child?"
"Boner, flippant still thou be? Meetest thou my friend Ace--the Angel with the Flaming Sword!" Whoosh, Dan the Danite vanished!
"So, Boner, NonSequiter told me about thy sword. Here is mine! Prepare to meet thy doom!" And with that, Ace raised high his mighty flaming sword.
"Woe is me! Jack, canst thou help thy friend the Boner?"
"Chill, Dude, my beer is getting cold! You know what to do, Boner!"
And with that, The Boner's Bone rose to the occasion!
"Oh shit!" screamed Ace. "Now that's one mighty big salamander! I am no match for the Boner's Bone." Ace vanished into the cold night air.
And with that, the Boner went back to his friend Jack to have one more of those chocolate chip cookies they brought back from Colorado.
--Thanks for caring, Ron, just didn't get on the board for a while, nice to know I was missed. Best wishes, The Boner.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/23/2015 10:00PM by byuboner.