Good heavens! Why would anyone lie about something like that?
As I was just mentioning to Morbo, the middle Nephite of the three Nephites, "I bet Zelph wishes those hooligans hadn't dug up his bones..." But Morbo interrupted me to say, "You don't really believe that bullcrap, do you? A White Lamanite, whose bones were lying just below the surface in a common burial mound?"
I admitted that the Zelph story did sound a bit pretentious and spur of the moment. Morbo got a smug look on his face and then vanished, leaving a pile of dead locusts behind. He's the funny one of the Three Nephites...
Obviously, President Merrill masturbated in his temple office while thinking about young girls being baptized and the magic temple protection was gone.
I thought Satan and his followers didn't have bodies. Like, that was the whole motivation they have for being evil. I also like that little touch of statistics at the end, ignoring population growth and ease of transportation in modern days to make it look like there's been some great burst of conversions all over the place.
I wonder if the reason this story isn't well known is because it's obviously hokey, even to members. That, or it's just one drop in the sea of made up and tweaked "faith promoting" tall tales.
I remember when I was in the MTC I heard a story that one time in the middle of the night the MTC President woke up with an eery feeling and looked outside to see the MTC grounds surrounded by evil spirits that were closing in. He immediately got old Gordo on the line and told him what was happening. Gordo and the MTC Temple President summoned the Lard, exercised the Priesthood, and wielded their light sabers. Before you knew it, numerous angels with swords on flying white horses came in and ran the evil spirits away. I'm sure I'm not getting the details of this story correct, but it doesn't really matter because it is all hog shit anyway, and I could make up all my own details and it wouldn't be any different. The church is true!