So I'm inactive. All the way. If I never see the inside of a church again it'll be too soon. With my constant voicing of my newest horrifying discoveries in Church History, Policy, &cc. over the past few months, my wife has come around largely to my way of thinking, and is inactive too. My kids are too young to care.

My wife's parents and her brother & his wife are coming right before conference, and at least the brother and sister-in-law will be there for Saturday.

I don't really wanna come out as the heretic I secretly am, but my wife is hellbent on supporting my decision not to attend Priesthood session (which in itself is awesome, but it blows my "sheep's clothing" right off my back)

This is not something I can blow off by saying "let's do family things 'cause y'all came so far." Conference is a major family gathering for these people.

Not sure what I'm gonna do about this.
Thoughts?

I know it's hard to come out to family...(Unless your DW does it for you to get support)

But I think you will be happier in the long road if you just come out with it. Do you really want to have to sit and listen to GC all weekend?

If you're going to come out at all, you probably should tell them now instead of springing it on them when they get there. What an awkward situation.

I tell people when they need to know. If they ask, I'm honest, but otherwise, I don't bring it up.

Tell them ahead of time that you have plans other than conference even though in the past that is what you did. they can join you or go to conference.

Will church pre-empt family? "You can read the talks in the Ensign mom and dad. Lets spend this time together as family"

"Church is second to us, our family is first and we are doing X. If you'd like to do GC anyway be our guests, we'll catch you later"

No interviews to weed out your unbelief allowed. If it is attempted head that off by saying

"that is between the lord and us and that's the way it will stay".

I like this set of possible responses. I would just inform them ahead of time that you are not going to, or watching conference. Tell them that you want to rest and spend time with your family. Leave your beliefs out of the discussion. If they ask, you can simply state that last you checked, you are still a church member. End of story.

I agree about telling them ahead of time. What and how much you tell them is up to you. You can simply say you have other plans or that you are taking a break. If you don't want to give details or discuss it,say so and stick to your guns.I usually tell people what they need to know and on a need to know basis. They do not need to know everything and often they would see the info I could give them as an attack.

If they are planning to watch some of the sessions at your house and you don't want to watch with them, you may need to have other plans while they watch at your house or suggest they watch somewhere else. Again,make it clear before they arrive.

bona dea unregistered Wrote:
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> If you don't want to give details or discuss it,say so and stick to your guns.

Right, and that relates to one of my favorite truisms -- "Just because someone asks you a question, doesn't mean you need to answer it." Instead of responding, you can deflect, ignore, or answer the question they *should* have asked.

Yes, absolutely.

I would send all who are coming a nice email. You could then nicely lay out their detailed options:

1. Attend GC at the local meetinghouse. Include in the email a link with the address and times for the various sessions.

2. Attend GC in your living room. Include a link with the address of 2-3 local grocery stores or order-in places so they can plan for their food and such accordingly.

3. Attend alternative activities with you, wife, and the kids instead. I recommend having a set plan of what exactly you will be doing, a set schedule, with links (both for outside activities and alternative indoor activities in case of rain). And plan for EXACTLY what you will be doing for each of the meals. This planning is crucial, or you and your wife will be out time, effort, and LOTS of money trying to make everybody happy.

Then you just need to stick with you plan. One idea would be for you, wife, and kids to each pick your "favorite" activity to be included (be sure to note that it is their "favorite" in your detailed schedule). Then just go out and have FUN !!!

Trust me on this. This works.

Sometimes family decided to take the "higher road". Fine. We are being completely "respectful" of their religious choices. But I am NOT in charge of entertaining or providing their refreshments (as I'm out having fun with my family).

When they ask, you only have to refer them to the copy of the email you provided.

AND we also placed a copy of this email on the refrigerator door, for any interested.

Sending warm happy thoughts your way.

Wow...wait, really?? Just "it's time; lay it out there?!" Not what I was expecting.

So are mine! They know now that we don't go... but before that I used to get migraines all the time :) Good luck! Come out and tell them when you are good and ready and not a minute before.

If you go, you'll have to endure the meeting. And then at some point, you'll probably still have to come out to the family. I don't know about you, but I don't like to feel like I'm hiding something. But you have the right to keep your religious feelings to yourself until you feel ready to share.

If you don't go, you'll probably have to give an excuse or an explanation. If it were me, I might consider telling them that you don't intend on going to Priesthood meeting, but you'll stay home and entertain the rest of the guests. Or you could invite them all to go out to dinner or something. There really is no reason they can't listen to a rebroadcast or read the talk on the church website later. But if you don't intend on going, it might be better to make the alternate plans with them before they get there, so an awkward discussion won't mar their stay.

Sooner or later, you'll probably have to have this discussion with them. If you aren't ready, then get out your suit and tie.

Do they still broadcast it like they started to a while back? Maybe I'm over-thinking this, and I can just let it play in the background and bite my tongue when i disagree

atouchscreendarkly Wrote:
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> Do they still broadcast it...?

Yes, widely and haphazardly.

Recently, the family made a spring trip to MH (moron headquarters), and Parks Ity, to ski, see kids/ g.k.'s, and coincide with GC.

Conference came onto the television(s) and (some) people gathered around, some watching, some talking, some eating, kids shooting pool and some goofing around on their phones, while some dozed off and some weren't even there (presumably to watch it later, in sign, etc.). Sign of the times?

This wouldn't have been permissible when we were young.

What a difference a generation makes.

In my experience looking back, I gave my family way too much power in how I hid my status over a period of time. I know it's hard, but I sure wish I had just told them how I felt and then let them deal with it instead of me shouldering the burden quietly, as if it were something I had to be ashamed about. That's really hard to do though, I know, but man looking back I sure wish I had handled it differently.

In your circumstances though, that's not something I'd spring on them when they arrive. If you go that route, I'd have a conversation with them beforehand so they could choose to change their plans if they wish.

Maybe they are coming so THEY DON'T have to attend/listento/or think about GC.

You may be their 'excuse'.

Make it a great time of memories with the family. I agree with giving them a heads up as to how YOU are choosing to spend the time with family.

They can make up their own minds to join you or not.

You may be just what they need. A breathe of fresh non-doctrinal air!

If you attend it will give you a migraine, so you better not go. It's a health issue.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/25/2015 06:30PM by perky.

If your wife would blow a significant inheritance should she be seen as a 'filthy apostate', by all means, keep the in-laws in the dark!

If you feel sorry for them and don't want to risk popping their mormon bubble, keep them in the dark.

If you don't enjoy confrontations, and keeping a low profile is what you're used to, keep them in the dark.

There really is only one good reason to risk creating a ruckus, because it would make you feel good. And quite frankly, you have to be a bit of dick to go out of your way to create friction.

Ghawd, but I love telling mormons how shitty their religion is! I am much more than a bit of a dick, and I love it. And remarkably, my G/F thinks I'm a wussy!

Bake a lot of cakes, pies and breads for them.

Well, that's what *I* would do.

Note that while they are at the GC session you can tune in here to learn what is being said and your comments would make them think you were watching GC online.

Un-invite them and save yourself a weekend of religious hassles.

That's too many people to descend upon your family and invade your privacy when you aren't ready to divulge particulars of your leaving Mormonism.

Why put yourself into such an awkward situation.

I'd let 'em know I plan on watching around six straight episodes of "Bar Rescue" on Spike and then top it off with that new program "Coaching Bad", they can watch anything they like on the TV set in the basement.

That's the Sunday schedule not sure about Friday and Saturday.

Just pretend you still love the cult and are shocked that the church has admitted that JS had sex with a bunch of teenagers one being only 14! Be subtle and start bringing up little tid bits when you see them in the future. Eventually perhaps you can ease yourself out and still have a relationship. I tried this with my brother for years and it never budged his faith. Now he won't have anything to do with me. You too could risk loosing your family and friends. It hurts. You have to be a courageous person to get out. Ain't it great the way the cult brings families together.

Um, what about Easter?

I would go to a nice Easter service (any Christian church will do, and it will be uplifting). After years and years of Mormons pretending to be superior and more faithful than anyone else, I would certainly stick it to them, and make a big deal about EASTER. I believe in Christ, and the Mormons really don't.

Follow the Easter service (make them get up for a sunrise service! hee-hee!) cook ONE lovely Easter dinner, and have your kids help you. Spend the day in the kitchen. When it is time to eat dinner, turn off the TV, because that's the rules. Have a nice Christian prayer that YOU give at the table, followed by conversation.

AmIDarkNow had the best general advice:
"Tell them ahead of time that you have plans other than conference even though in the past that is what you did. they can join you or go to conference." Tell them your plans have been in place for a long time, and that changing them would disappoint the kids (would it ever!!!)

I love the idea of baking. My mother used to say, when relatives demanded meals, "Fill them up with rolls."

You can also take the example of Griswold in Christmas Vacation, and start a huge, time-consuming, impossible task that takes you out of the house and away from the TV or church. Fix your sprinkling system.

Easter is a good excuse to spend time with the family or to do some Easter related activity-religious or not-as opposed to conference.Plan a picnic or plan a visit to an Easter service at another church.Let them know it was already planned. You could even express your feelings about a Christian church ignoring Easter.

Did you invite the family members to stay at your house or did they invite themselves?

If the latter, then perhaps you should tell them that you will not be able to house them during their visit and they need to get a hotel room. From there you can decide how you want to spend your time that weekend.

If you don't want to watch conference on TV then tell them you have other plans for the weekend and you will not be spending time watching conference.

You are adults and you shouldn't be bullied by family members who assume they can plan the weekend for you.