So this week something unexpected happened..

I have never expected, nor wanted an apology from our TBM family members. However, one family member sent me a text very early in the morning. We live 2 hours a part so I was still asleep and I woke up to it.

It really caught me off guard. I still have the text... but what was said in it made me wonder if this person has frequented this site and I hesitated to post about it.. I don't know why.

Essentially this person apologized for the things he/she said or did during the time my husband, children and I were leaving the church. And this person apologized for making that hard decision even harder on us. And this next part has me very curious.

The family member said that they now know how difficult of a decision it was for us to come to that point (ie, leaving the church). I surprised myself a little when I typed back without thinking that there was no need for an apology and it was water under the bridge. Because I let it go a long time ago knowing that an apology would probably never come and well that was how this person felt and I can't control that so not my problem.

I was curious what brought it about though. And I asked. I got a little bit of a cryptic response. That this person is now living more "unorthodox" in their faith in regards to the church. And I left it with the sentiment that I hoped this new found unorthodoxy isn't effecting this persons marriage in a negative way.

I think we all know how it can be difficult if both spouses aren't on the same page in regards to the church. And I meant it. I hope the best for this persons marriage because this family member is a very close one, even though we have had this difference of opinions regarding the church and a bandaid solution of not talking religion to preserve the relationship.

I'm still kind of wondering about this change for this person, but I know that when we were going through our evolution out of the church it was difficult to talk about. So I didn't push. Just sent along my support and thanks for the apology even though it wasn't really necessary.

**sidenote: This person is not one that apologizes easily. In fact in our entire lives this person has never apologized for a few different things that also put a few rifts in our relationships.. but those are stories for different days!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/30/2015 01:48PM by nolongersearching27.

I had siblings call me out. My mother still cries when she chats with me. I'm lost to them.

Several were terribly rude to me. I have forgiven them all and when/if the time comes I will hug them when they apologize to me in person.

I'm struggling with this in regards to the bishop. He used terribly mean tactics to retain me a member.

But, I'd probably set it all aside and shake his hand, too, if he ever sees the light.

Glad you're not the only family member out (or on the way out).

Let the good times roll!

Oh this person said and did some VERY terrible things. But it has been at least 4 years (6 since we left) since this person has said anything, so the time and distance from those memories I think is what has allowed me to really set it all aside. This person wasn't the only one that said and did horrible things.

Both of our families for a long time were super emotional whenever they spoke to us or wrote to us. But we just refused to put up with it or acknowledge it. It is their problem and those are their fears... not ours.

So sorry you are still going through that part of the process and for your sake I hope they get over it or drop it. We spent a lot of time having little to no contact with family due to things said and certain behaviors and actions that were done to our little family.

A candle on a hill can be seen for miles around.

Your little light may be illuminating to other family members.

You know I didn't have the exact same wording... but I wondered if just simply by living our lives and not fighting about it or trying to convince anyone to leave and the fallacies of the church and its doctrine... if that had an effect. I won't know really unless this person decides to open up more about it.

But my general rule for my life is to just be a good person. And I think it shows...or at least I hope it does. I don't want people to have to live so restrictively.

nolongersearching27 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You know I didn't have the exact same wording...
> but I wondered if just simply by living our lives
> and not fighting about it or trying to convince
> anyone to leave and the fallacies of the church
> and its doctrine... if that had an effect. I won't
> know really unless this person decides to open up
> more about it.
>
> But my general rule for my life is to just be a
> good person. And I think it shows...or at least I
> hope it does. I don't want people to have to live
> so restrictively.

The time has come when every TBM knows someone who has left the church and yet remained a "good" person.

When church leadership demonizes apostates as fallen, wanting to sin, unhappy, etc. those TBMs sit and think "but that doesn't apply to ________. He/she/they left and are still great people. In fact, they actually seem happier.......how can that be? If TSCC leadership is wrong about that, what else are they wrong about?"

Never underestimate the power of a positive example.

Technically this isn't an apology from a TBM. This is an apology from a former TBM, who is slowly working their way out the stupid church.

I suppose so. lol

Clearly your life hasn't gone to sh!t, and all the bad things prophesied about your impending doom after leaving the church have not come to fruition.

Good to see your ex-mo light is shining bright and true for all to see. Way to be a stellar example for your family!

Oh yes, and there were TONS of predictions and words said about how life would be miserable and we couldn't ever find true happines.... and other horrible things......

Even a revelation from my mil who claimed she saw a vision in the temple that we would die soon..... it's been 7 years... and we're still kickin'.... lol

nolongersearching27 Wrote, in part:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Even a revelation from my mil who claimed she saw
> a vision in the temple that we would die soon.....
> it's been 7 years... and we're still kickin'....
> lol
*****************************************************************
Now THAT'S a M-I-L from HELL!

Yeesh.

Yep... I've got plenty more "examples" of just how true that is... lol MIL from hell is an understatement.

"Be careful of your prejudices." I've found it is usually those who protested the most over my nonbelief who ended up being the ones who had the most doubts. I believe they do it out of fear that we know something.

Sounds like this person found that you did know something. I think you will learn more as time goes by. Keep us posted.