Hello all,

I'm a non-Mormon lurker. I've been studying the archives on this board for a couple of weeks, looking for some insight into Mormonism and particularly Mormon missionaries.

I had never given Mormon missionaries much thought, putting them in the same mental compartment as double glazing salesmen, i.e. don't give them any response, ABSOLUTELY don't let them in the door, or you'll never get rid of them!

But then I watched "Meet the Mormons" and was so struck with how badly treated they are. My heart broke for Elder Field, artificially separated from his family, forced into this false closeness with his (frankly very creepy) missionary companion, worked all the hours God sends and practically starved. And I thought then, if he turned up at my door, would I turn him away? My only thought was that I couldn't turn him away without inviting him in, giving him something hot to eat and half an hour of rest.

This feeling was only amplified after reading the experiences of so many people on here who either went on missions themselves or had friends and family sent on missions. I came across stories of missionaries who were ill or depressed but forced to stay, and of some who committed suicide after their missions. And I thought, knowing what I know now, if I saw someone in that situation and had any opportunity to throw them a rope, get some decent food into them, show them some kindness, how could I not?

But I don't want to get my house invaded by a crazy cult, and I take on board the things that are on here about how persistent they are, how unrespecting of boundaries, and how manipulative they can be. Does anyone have any advice? Is there any way I can help out a missionary if one comes my way, or am I best just to stick to the zero tolerance policy?

If you were a missionary, what would have helped you?

I have no data, nor any way to get it, regarding the division between missionaries who 'get' that they're selling something not many people want, and those who truly believe they are selling Eternal Salvation.

One of the popular themes among the set that knows no one wants to become mormon is the idea that breaking the rules is not at all a hinderance to baptizing. There are ever so many stories about how popular Elder Rulebreaker was and how the inactive and Jackmo members loved him and let him baptize their kids aged 9 and older.

Anyway, I personally think the odds are that if elders or sisters knocked on your door and you opened it and said something like, "Oh, it's the mormons! If you want to come in and take a load off, use the bathroom, and sit a spell, that would be lovely. See, I know all about you guys. Personally, mormonism will never be my cup of tea, but I'm fascinated by their attempt to keep you guys as life long members by putting you the refiner's fire of a mission! I'd love to hear about how you're doing, if you're doubting yet, or whatever. But purely as a sociological experience. If you won't pester me about becoming a mormon, I won't read the CES letter to you; we'll just amuse each other."

And as long as you weren't wearing goth make up and holding a chain saw, it might work...

But you're right, there's a good chance that one of them would think that you're a "potential" and he'd write home about the challenge of converting you.

Take a look at http://preparetoserve.com/missionary-blog-index/

It's a collection of missionary blogs, mostly kept up by the kids' parents, based on the kids' emails home. Some missions only have a couple of current missionary blogs, others have up to 20 active blogs. But since each mission has at least 180+ missionaries, obviously the participation level is low.

I suspect that the majority of missionaries are not as pious as the ones whose blogs you can read at Prepare to Serve. And many of this larger group are like a lot of the missionaries whose stories you can read here:

http://www.postmormon.org/exp_e/index.php/discussions/viewthread/18763/

If your neighborhood had a problem with way too many stray cats, the last thing you would want to do is to feed them.

When I lived in Happy Valley. Some of the missionaries would stop by. I told them "no church talk". they were welcome to kick back, watch TV, relax. I would feed them and talk hunting, fishing, working on my house. Most were polite and enjoyed the visits. However there were some that stated their "our job is to return you to the Mormons". Kicked their ass out.

Although I am a never-mo and ain't-ever-gonna-be-mo, I've had some opportunity to treat missionaries with some decency, and I don't regret it. Both my nephew and my niece have both recently returned from missions. I've kept them in mind when I've been tempted to be unkind.

Example 1: I've bought them some groceries when I saw them in the store. I refused to give them my name, though. I told them I'd heard stories of how hungry they could get, and I could see in their cart that there was truth. I threw in some hamburger and hotdogs and chips and a couple bags of cookies. They were so grateful I thought they'd cry.

Example 2: My wife invited some for supper. We had a nice, completely non-religious chat during. Afterwards, they asked if I needed any help around the house.

Well, I took a deep breath, and said:

Here's the deal. I'm doing yard work tomorrow, and if you'd like a break from your normal routine, you're welcome to come and help. It'll be pretty grimy work. But you need to know, I'm not interested in sharing my religious views or hearing about yours. I thought my wife was going to pass out, but they just said, "sounds like fun."

So, they came the next day in old shorts and t-shirts, and were in a great mood all day. I really enjoyed being around their youthful energy. I had a radio blaring, and they liked that. I told them I was going to jump in the pool to cool off, and they could if they wanted to. One said, "We're not supposed to do that." I said, "Well it makes no difference to me, but I'm not telling anyone and I'll make sure my wife doesn't either." Off came the shoes and shirts, and in they jumped. The shirts never went back on during the rest of the day, since they were in and out of the pool constantly.

My wife gave us a filling, but simple lunch, but she went whole-hog for the boys for supper. Grilled T-Bones and all the fixin's.

They watched some TV with us, and left pretty late, happy and exhausted, and with a nice-sized goody-bag of leftovers.

They were also sunburned to the waist, but that was their problem to explain if they had to.

Never once did they bring up religion. I think they just enjoyed a day off from all that, just to be regular people. I sensed that they missed their Dads, and I was surrogate for the day.

I have met very few crazy elders that would push beyond a firmly drawn boundary.

I have met many more missionaries that are like Tonto just wrote about.

I'd have no problem inviting in the missionaries and feeding them.

When I was a missionary (in France), 99.9% of the time we knocked on doors we got a curt, "No thank you" or "Go away."
We got used to it, and developed thick skins.

We tracted out a British couple one time, living in France, who invited us in. They told us they knew all about mormonism, and had zero interest in it, but felt sorry for us American kids alone in a foreign country, and wanted to invite us to dinner. Strict mission rules would have made us say "no," but as I was the Sr. companion and not all that strict, I said yes -- because it was nice to have a good meal, they were nice people, and it was refreshing to speak English (even the British version! <grin>).

We ended up having dinner with this nice couple once a month or so. I reported them as "investigators." One time when we showed up, this HUGE man was there as a guest -- Richard Kiel, the guy who played "Jaws" in the James Bond movies! They were filming "Moonraker" at the time nearby, he knew the couple, so we got to meet him and talk with him. Fun.

I appreciated their kindness, but to be clear, I had to fudge my reports and break mission rules to associate with them. I didn't feel that bad about it at the time, and my jr. comp loved it.

Now, when they come by, I tell them flat-out that I'm an ex-mormon, don't want to discuss the church at all, but if they'd like to come in, rest for a bit, have a drink or a bite to eat, they're welcome. About half decline, about half come in (and about half of those still try to talk about the church). Just be firm if they bring it up -- no church talk. If they still do it, invite them to leave. :))