There. I said it. I'm lonely and blah blah you can be around people and be alone and yay, being alone is awesome and you're never alone if [whatever the cliche is].

And I'm lonely. I miss my family. I am sad.

oh gosh, Beth. I'm so sorry. But, I know how you feel. How far away is your family ?

((((((Bethie))))))

You can have my insane extended family. I had to move to Colorado to get away from their toxicity.

I may have to move further away as well. Not sure how or when to do it. None of them can know where i live. Not one. It is the only way that i can heal all the way mentally. Even having some know where i live affects me. Changed my phone number like 4 times in the last few years but still wasn't enough.

Dave, Littleton in the house.

Beth, I hear you loud and clear. Especially after my evening. It really messed up my sleep tonight. Been up since 2AM.

My stupid brother really pushed my buttons tonight. Told me that I was closed minded. LOL the pot calling the kettle black. Hopefully, all the folks on here are good company for you. They are good for me.

When I came out here in 2012, I knew that I might never see my parents again. I didn't plan to talk to them again.

But now we're all communicating reasonably well. I've been trying to guilt my kid into seeing me, but it's not working.

In the past seven years, I've been scared, and I've been sad. I don't know if this time feels different. I wish I were near my family but I also don't. I don't want to go see them and argue and leave with worse memories. I think the geographic distance is probably good.

I don't know what I expected when I moved here. All I knew was that I had to leave. Leaving was a good decision. I don't regret it.

I'm sitting here eating chocolate. Sux.

Beth, this is particularly saddening to me.
First let me tell you that it takes courage to say, "I'm lonely." I am too prideful to say that, even when loneliness has been excruciating.

I've been a particular wretch lately--snarly, impatient, demanding. A true "type A" harridan. I'm only nice to my dogs. I don't know you personally, but judging from the things you write, I think, "Beth, seems so loving to everyone. I wish I could be like that!"

I have a kid who has shunned us for six years because I "diss-ed" his prophet, Joseph Smith. It's beyond painful.

All I can say is, your family is missing out on a lot.

Don't be lonely Beffie.

Just for you:

http://pic100.picturetrail.com/VOL678/3529167/7689502/145826449.jpg

Your stuffed animals make me laugh everytime.

I googled how to cope with Loneliness just for you and found so much stuff that was so depressing and stupid that all I can do is warn you not to go there. So tired all of this. So . . .

I designed a customized Loneliness Mitigation Program especially for Beth --who is a pistol and is irreverently unique and uniquely irreverent and is the salt that heals wounds as no one is allowed to take themselves too seriously around Beth.

First item is the most important quote of my life from a book called "Less" by Sean Greer: "His brain sits before its cash register again, charging him for old shames as if he as never paid before." Now is a good time to find all the receipts for those debts already paid.

Mae West says, "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." Mae knew. I have employed this and it enriched my life. Do something wrong today. It's the right thing to do.

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." Fran Lebowitz. Many people don't know this. Also a part of a balanced mind.

Lily Tomlin relates to us all: "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." I'm probably advising myself here more than you, Beth. But we all feel a little that way, no? So human. We need so much more, always more. We wouldn't be the same without that quality though.


Now go out into the street, spin around three times, stop still, look up at the sky and say your name three times with arms outstretched and your fingers spread as wide as possible. This is how you contact the universe. That never worked for me, but I'm hoping it will for you. Still beats the advice from the experts.


People here love you. I can tell.



Bonus: "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." Marilyn Monroe. I include that one because there is an upside to being lonely but it's around the corner.

I'm going to try that spinning in the street thing today i swear to christ who does not exist probably.

Alright i did it. Its freezing and i am dizzy from spinning but i did it. Universe hear my call about making life good again or something like that. Or take me back to the cosmos haha.

You actually did it? Haha. I love it! You claimed your self!

I did it but in an empty parking lot hahahaha not on my street.

Sometimes I feel lonely until I have to actually spend a lot of time with family. Then I'm counting the minutes until I can ditch them and be alone again.

I know we are not a substitute for what you are missing, but I'm sending cyber hugs to let you know you are part of everything good.

Quacks of joy and encouragement!

Happy Holidays Beth. You are one of the lights and delights on RFM.

yourself. I'm sorry your child is not agreeing to see you. I didn't get the story on how that happened. I thought you two were close. I've had the outs with my own kids before. They are a part of us that is indescribable and they don't get it maybe UNTIL we leave them. And you look back and see what you had and what you now must live without.

I tried with my mother. She wasn't easy to deal with a lot of times. She probably had a mental illness, but refused to take anything. I did for her all I could for a long time until I became a single mom. Let's just say she was difficult a lot of the time, but other times, she showed up just when I needed her. And now, she has been gone 11 years and I'd give anything to see her, to go to the house I grew up in and find her there ALIVE, just not feel her there. (My brother lives in the house.) My kids and I are on good terms at this point, but my son actually attacked me a few weeks ago. I actually left. I didn't know where I was going and ended up at my boyfriend's out of nowhere to go with 2 dogs and it was dark and stormy and I'm not so good at night driving. I didn't want to go to my boyfriend's. And then my boyfriend became his irritable self after I'd been there a week and I moved back home and my son and I are on good terms again, but I've learned something from the experience--I need to quit being so motherly, hovering. He didn't tell me that, the therapist did.

Anyway, I went to see an old friend who I used to work with the other day. He is a fine upstanding mormon who works at the temple and has been in leadership positions, etc. I found out some terrible news from him about his own family and now I feel like I have nothing to be upset about.

Yesterday, I spent the day going nuts all morning, had lost some money in the house (did find it) and then i went to have dinner with my 2 disabled brothers. My sister cooked dinner for them so they aren't alone on CE. There were just the 4 of us. Then I drove to my other brother's house and left gifts for he and his wife and son as they don't do Christmas really, don't exchange gifts. He was so thrilled to see me. It wasn't an easy thing to do as it was getting dark and he is 1-1/2 hours away.

Even with all the insanity my family has caused me, I'm so glad they are near. Yesterday was what I consider MY CHRISTMAS.

One of the things I had to do with my daughter is to quit reacting to her. My therapist said, "This is a pattern. You have to tell yourself, 'oh, this is just Kiara' and let it be." It has worked. Right now I'm trying to do everything I can to have them in my life as they ARE MY LIFE.

What I'm weary of is everyone needing SO MUCH from me. I really want to live in apartment by myself with my dogs. Do you have a pet? My dogs cure all the pain until I lose them, but they are worth it all.

>>...but my son actually attacked me a few weeks ago. I actually left.

cl2, I know that your son has had his struggles, but I hope that you know it's not okay for him to attack you. If anyone should have had some time away from your home, it was him. IMO someone needs to have a serious talk with him -- either his dad, or perhaps in a joint session with your therapist. Someone needs to make it clear to him that attacking him mom (no matter how frustrated he is,) is *not* okay.

We all feel very frustrated at times. A middle aged neighbor was just laughing with me about how her elderly mom treats her like a twelve year old. My own mom also did the same thing at certain times. I told my neighbor that it must be a part of the human condition.

Please don't make excuses for him in this regard. You have a right to feel safe in your own home (that you have worked very hard to pay for over the years.)

Everyone gets lonely sometimes. It's human. People who are in relationships can also be lonely. Especially when differences are or seem insurmountable.

Such a big part of what I used to feel that caused me sadness and loneliness was the mistaken belief that we each need to have large happy families and extended families to be happy or not lonely. I now realize we don't. A person can find happiness and be less lonely with just a few friendships outside family, or one or two family membersor with activities and hobbies they enjoy.

While at times it may not be possible such as if one is in an accident or suffering from illness, much of the time we can avoid loneliness by finding something of interest to do in our communities whether it's work related or hobbies. So many interesting and exciting things to do and learn.

I hope you know I'm not making light of the loneliness you feel. It's real. But it can pass or you can bypass it with some effort. If sadness persists for more than two weeks in a row, you can look into therapy or a quality evidence-based self help book or two. But you may not be dealing with that, it might just be the Xmas blues which a lot of people experience when they don't have close family or friends. My wish for you is to discover something new to do and enjoy. You're worth it!

Awwww...

(((Merry Christmas, Beth)))

There’s Mudhoney in the Spring to look forward to...

Holidays are often lonely. We are your extended family. Big hugs from the Midwest. I’m going to the movies later today to be amongst people.

Me too. Since you are one of my favorite posters, I think, if she's lonely, my loneliness doesn't mean I'm a loser, it means I'm a human--a human with a tender heart.

Sending love.

It was nice and peaceful. My daughter did take us to see "The Piano Guys" on Friday. They are mormon, but boy they are great to see. My Jewish boyfriend even sang along to Silent Night at the end of the concert. It was so beautiful and it helped me with all the stress I had been going through. I've had a good Christmas, which surprises me considering where life was less than 2 weeks ago.

I remember the LONELY Christmases just after my husband left, even if I had my kids with me.

I hope you found something to do like a movie or watch something on TV that gives you some peace and comfort.

I'm so sorry Bethie.

You have love to give maybe it would be good for you to give

love to people that don't get it very much like little kids

that need adoption or just attention from a loving adult, or

elderly people in a home. ITs just a thought. Maybe there are

ways you could find out the agencies that need volunteers ...

everybody needs to feel loved and if you have extra to give,

pass it around because there are plenty of people who need it.

Let me know how it goes.

Hugs to you, Beth! You are one of the most cherished posters on this site, and I hope you can see that from all of the responses.

I'm not lonely at this point of my life, but I have certainly been there, and I know how much it hurts.

Here's hoping that "lonely" becomes a distant memory for you, one day, instead of your current reality.

More (((HUGS))).

I'm better thanks in large part to you. <3

I woke up happier. I am rushing to get ready for work. I'm doing okay. Sometimes okay is good enough.

Much love to you all,
Beth

Here's one option
Find a sports team you're passionate about, and a sports bar that shows all their games WITH sound.
You can strike up conversations, flirt, drink, eat, argue. Nobody care because they assume you're under the influence, lol.

And if your team wins, bonus

There's got to be someplace for Iggles fans to gather this Sunday, even if you're on the wrong coast. Or find some Giants fans and start a big,glorious fight.

Aww, Beth.

I get it. I've had times in my life when I've been lonely, and I'm sure I will again. It's part of the human condition, I think. It strikes you the hardest during times of transition, which is what you are experiencing.

Try to push on through. It's best to stay active, and to do things that comfort you. "This too, will pass."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/26/2019 12:36PM by summer.

Having to get up and about is usually helpful. I think this is why pets are good for people. They present regular outside obligations that are hard to ignore. Helps get the motor started. I'm living in a building that won't even allow pet rocks, and sometimes I wish it were otherwise. OTOH, it is fun having street buskers 100 feet away down on the corner.

Plus, hey, you're near Seattle. Even SLC barely has enough sunlight right now to keep mushrooms healthy, and Seattle has an hour less than we do. The climb to absurdly long days has begun, and you are already picking up a minute or two a day. Woo Hoo!

As for getting along better with mom, in my own experience, distance is the mellower. Remove the distance, and the the old patterns do their level best to return. There were enough plusses to moving to Utah to make it worth it to me, but mamacita was an energy drain sometimes.

As for your kid - he's in software, right? There is never a time when whatever project software folks are working on was not due two or more months ago. Time pressure is relentless, and often other people's jobs depend on you getting the software working. No pressure there. :-/ Software pays well, but there is a price to be paid. Time off is hard to arrange.

Work on training the ducks to follow you into the Health Food (?) Store.

I'm lonely too beth i am lonely too.

Welcome to my life now Beth.

Extreme loneliness is in the past for me, right now, but is likely to return in the future.

Looking back on past loneliness, I keep thinking that there are worse things than being lonely! Like being eternally married to a wife-beater, and never knowing what will trigger an attack, or when. After that horror, being divorced and single was like heaven to me. Maybe everything is relative.

When my second husband completely abandoned me and my children, I felt their loneliness as well as my own, though I had them to take care of, and feed, and love. The day after my husband left, divorced neighbor, who's husband had cheated on her, came to visit me, and I almost didn't answer the door. I felt that getting sympathy from someone would break the dam, and the tears would flood me. That's why we sometimes don't know how to comfort each other. Does sympathy increase the generalized sadness, or does it help to know that others have been lonely, too?

I decided to let my beautiful neighbor come in, and she gave me some chocolate, and we sat down, and she looked me in the eye and said, "It isn't really all that bad, is it." I knew exactly what she meant. The bad marriage, the nasty, critical, neglectful jerk of a spouse, the exhaustion of trying so very hard to do the impossible was finally over. I felt relief. I learned to embrace solitude.

I lived alone when the kids were away at various universities, but I had their old pets to take care of, which helped. I thought everyone was gone for good, but they all came back to Salt Lake City. No one can predict the future, and you might not be alone for long. Chances are that your son will come around, depending on what's going on in his life, but no one knows when that will happen.

I like the answers on this thread. The suggestions of exercise, eating healthy, pampering yourself, indulging in hobbies (don't let anyone else judge what you like to do, even if all you do is sit and meditate) Life is so worthwhile! Pets help. E-mails and phone calls help. I admire Celeste for getting out and going to a movie. I did that one New Year's Eve, when I was alone. I also like to make plans for when I won't be alone anymore. It gives me something to look forward to. Bring a bowl of Christmas candy to your workplace. Little things help.

I had to learn a few things about loneliness. The most important lesson was to understand that Mormonism is a lie, and the myth that a person (especially a Mormon woman) must be "surrounded by" (I hate that term) a large family, and huge litter of children. Popularity is one of the most adulated virtues of Mormondumb--more important than honesty or sexual morality, or good manners, etc. It's all fake.

To quote Deb: "Such a big part of what I used to feel that caused me sadness and loneliness was the mistaken belief that we each need to have large happy families and extended families to be happy or not lonely. I now realize we don't."

So, I guess most of us have been lonely.

You're one of my favorite posters, too, Beth. It's awful to be lonely and sick at the same time. I'm glad you're healthy enough to go to work, and you will see people there. You are of great value to us here on RFM! You give us a lot of comfort and understanding, and I hope it comes back to you. ((((hugs))))

I read and reread this thread several times a day.

Each time, I nod, I smile, and I swallow hard. Your words touch a part of me that needs hugs but won't allow it. That needs understanding but never thinks it will be understood. That needs kindness, especially when I can't be kind to myself.

Thank you for caring about me and for caring about each other. You give so much. I'm so grateful. Thank you.

It's just no good anymore since you went away.
Now I spend my time just making rhymes of yesterday.