Posted by:
Mother Who Knows
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Date: December 27, 2019 01:45AM
Extreme loneliness is in the past for me, right now, but is likely to return in the future.
Looking back on past loneliness, I keep thinking that there are worse things than being lonely! Like being eternally married to a wife-beater, and never knowing what will trigger an attack, or when. After that horror, being divorced and single was like heaven to me. Maybe everything is relative.
When my second husband completely abandoned me and my children, I felt their loneliness as well as my own, though I had them to take care of, and feed, and love. The day after my husband left, divorced neighbor, who's husband had cheated on her, came to visit me, and I almost didn't answer the door. I felt that getting sympathy from someone would break the dam, and the tears would flood me. That's why we sometimes don't know how to comfort each other. Does sympathy increase the generalized sadness, or does it help to know that others have been lonely, too?
I decided to let my beautiful neighbor come in, and she gave me some chocolate, and we sat down, and she looked me in the eye and said, "It isn't really all that bad, is it." I knew exactly what she meant. The bad marriage, the nasty, critical, neglectful jerk of a spouse, the exhaustion of trying so very hard to do the impossible was finally over. I felt relief. I learned to embrace solitude.
I lived alone when the kids were away at various universities, but I had their old pets to take care of, which helped. I thought everyone was gone for good, but they all came back to Salt Lake City. No one can predict the future, and you might not be alone for long. Chances are that your son will come around, depending on what's going on in his life, but no one knows when that will happen.
I like the answers on this thread. The suggestions of exercise, eating healthy, pampering yourself, indulging in hobbies (don't let anyone else judge what you like to do, even if all you do is sit and meditate) Life is so worthwhile! Pets help. E-mails and phone calls help. I admire Celeste for getting out and going to a movie. I did that one New Year's Eve, when I was alone. I also like to make plans for when I won't be alone anymore. It gives me something to look forward to. Bring a bowl of Christmas candy to your workplace. Little things help.
I had to learn a few things about loneliness. The most important lesson was to understand that Mormonism is a lie, and the myth that a person (especially a Mormon woman) must be "surrounded by" (I hate that term) a large family, and huge litter of children. Popularity is one of the most adulated virtues of Mormondumb--more important than honesty or sexual morality, or good manners, etc. It's all fake.
To quote Deb: "Such a big part of what I used to feel that caused me sadness and loneliness was the mistaken belief that we each need to have large happy families and extended families to be happy or not lonely. I now realize we don't."
So, I guess most of us have been lonely.
You're one of my favorite posters, too, Beth. It's awful to be lonely and sick at the same time. I'm glad you're healthy enough to go to work, and you will see people there. You are of great value to us here on RFM! You give us a lot of comfort and understanding, and I hope it comes back to you. ((((hugs))))