So I have stopped attending church and my wife of 20 years decided she wants to divorce me because I am no longer active in th church. We have been separated for 8 months and are not yet divorced, but get to close.

Anyway, 8 months of no physical contact with a woman and I decided to visit a local late night massage parlor. I was surprised to see I was offered everything from a hand job, blow job, and sex. I sent with the blow job and now the morning after I'm pretty disgusted with myself. At least she put a condom on me, but I'm nervous because I don't want to turn into that guy, and now that I have left the church I feel like between the drinking and now this, I'm becoming the type of person I don't wNt to be.

I don't want to do it ever again, but in the moment it felt great to be desired even if I paid for it. But the morning after guilt is more than I can take. I can never tell anyone as if my soon to be ex ever found out I'm sure she would love the "I knew you were a perve and you would fall apart if ou left the church" but just needed to vent to the board instead.

Logged out for this one Wrote:
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> ...it felt great to be desired...

That's a huge human need. There should be no shame in that.

Is paying for it the most preferred way to feel desired? No. But even though it's fake it's better than slogging through life feeling alone and unwanted.

I'm sorry you feel bad for a moment of feeling good.

Don't tell anyone and she won't ever find out. Give yourself a break. You are going through a rough time in your life.

Once your divorce is final, you will be shocked at all the women who are looking for someone kind and responsible to spend time with. There are travel groups, hiking groups, dinner groups, book clubs...

Try not to drink too much or you will get more depressed, and drop the guilt. As soon as you expressed your disbelief, she was looking around for new priesthood coattails to the celestial kingdom. You will get through this phase and thrive. Hang in there!

You're a normal guy having normal sexual desires, and you impulsively acted on one.

In Japan it's legal to pay for what you did. The thing you might be nervous about besides STD's, is it illegal where you are? Are you risking getting arrested over it?

Otherwise, if it's not illegal, and you were just paying to get lucky then voila.

Be careful though if it is illegal. I once worked for a police department where 17 out of 18 massage parlors were busted all on the same day as result of a police sting. Only one of the 18 was a legitimate massage parlor. The rest were prostitution houses. Since they were illegal at least at the time where I lived, well, it gave the cops lots to do keeping busy while playing plainsclothes [modified to add "undercover"] police operations.

You probably don't want an arrest record, even if your sex drive is in earnest.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/09/2015 03:46PM by amyjomeg.

One of the more prominent pillars of Mormonism is the morning after guilts. If that particular concept ever crumbled, the church would collapse.

Overcome your guilt. You are stronger than the church. It doesn't matter what you did, (as long as you didn't harm others) you need to understand that guilt was imprinted in your brain by a bunch of micro-managing old farts that are (or were-the senile ones can't remember what to do with their naughty bits) probably just as randy as you.

Live your life. The past doesn't change because of guilt.

At least you are open at having gone there, unlike a now deceased liberal Canadian who insisted the "Rub and Tug" was a neighbourhood health clinic. He was discovered buck naked by the Toronto Cops while being attended to by an asian "practitioner" who spoke no English. Apparently his wife approved.

I would recommend staying out of these places for the reasons mentioned above. Get a tube of lube or some petroleum jelly and go to bed with your laptop until a legit lady friend comes along.

I hope there's a happy ending in this for you, and I do mean that beyond the obvious punchline.

More men have done this than you probably realize. I would say that most of my male friends who I've been close with for many years have privately admitted to visiting one of these places for the same thing at some point in their lives. These strip mall massage parlors that stay open past 9 pm and charge by the 1/2 hour (yep, those are the obvious signs that sex is most likely available) wouldn't be so common if there wasn't the demand.

Does that mean paying for sex in a massage parlor is a good idea? Probably not. There are a lot of reasons why it's not a good idea - money, stds, the risk of arrest.

But, we do lots of things that aren't "good ideas" that don't create the kind of guilt you are feeling this morning. The Church taught us to have a dysfunctional relationship with sex. You impulsively acted on your normal sex drive, just as you might have done so by masturbating or having a one night stand. Your marriage seems to be over. There is no reason to feel any more guilt than if you woke up after some other kind of bad decisions, such as drinking too much, eating too much junk food, or not getting your homework done.

This is a learning opportunity. Learn to not identify with your Mormon conditioning.

LDS sexual repression caused you to feel great about getting it on like that.

LDS guilt tripping is causing you to feel awful about yourself for doing so.

So, it's not you. It's them. Their twisted conditioning is dysfunctional baggage to be discarded, not a golden ticket to eternal life. You don't need a ticket.

Your wife threw you away like a used tissue.

Remember that before you beat yourself up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/09/2015 02:07PM by matt.

Keep saying to yourself: It's just sex. No animals (nor people) were harmed through your activity. No one died. No one was arrested. No one bled. No one spent the night in the emergency room. No one got a phone call with horrible news. The worst thing that happened was that you felt a little icky about it.

Learn something from how you feel about it and make a course correction. But *don't* turn it into a big deal -- because it isn't. We all get a few dents on the road called life. Live and learn.

Instead of paying for a BJ - you could simply go to a LDS singles dance (over 30) and get a BJ, hand job, anal whatever you desire. Everything goes except intercourse. Those Mormon females desire feeling someone is attracted to them and they like dicks. Seldom did I not get something after a singles dance and always with a different female. The more kids she had, the easier it was to do things with her. Dumb church. Dumb rules. Easy Pickings.

Someone put a link here to an LDS singles chat room. I was stunned at how juvenile and dirty they all were, guys asking the women what they'd be willing to do... They didn't know each other, and had kids... No wonder they keep getting married over and over.

Too bad you are not as valiant as Joseph Smith. He righteously deflowered dozens of teenage woman in the name of god. Who knows how many women he was with under the guise of god's mouthpiece?

It is ironic that mormons claim the moral high-ground when their leadership were the worst of the worst.

You sound like a decent dude without any real problems.

You have no reason to feel guilty.you just need to find you another outlet that wont get you arrested or robbed.

I hope you also used ear protection. Having gone through some looooong matrimonial dry spells myself, I know when it does go off it can belch like a howitzer and with similar kickback.

Gosh. Let go of regret an guilt and shame. Not one reason for any of it. Just stop it! :-)

Get on with your life. This is one experience out of thousands, it's not what you want to repeat, keep quiet about it, and get on with living.

SusieQ#1 Wrote:
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> Gosh. Let go of regret an guilt and shame.

And let go of that guy you think you're supposed to be. It's the male version of the licked cupcake syndrome.

Stray Mutt Wrote:
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> SusieQ#1 Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Gosh. Let go of regret an guilt and shame.
>
> And let go of that guy you think you're supposed
> to be. It's the male version of the licked cupcake
> syndrome.


Notice I didn't go quite as far as Stray Mutt! lol

Assuming you're not a covert BYU sort out to stick a surreptitious knife into RFM...

As one who's also "in the public service industry," I've noticed an uptick in the number of massage services in the Salt Lake Valley, and I guess "Hong Kong" and "Asian" are euphemisms for these operations. Thank you for the confirmation, and I'm sure the spies at the COB will duly report matters as soon as they're done with their "breathing exercises."

Anyway, I haven't done any investigative reporting in this area, but I have had some lady cab customers I've talked to...

One a month ago identified herself as a "masseuse" (as opposed to a massage therapist), and I mentioned another regular fare who, well...

The masseuse was really open and fun--it was a long cab ride, and we flirted extensively--saying hers was strictly on the up-and-up, but "she could understand the situation," and she suggested she wouldn't condemn women who "drew the line" (no actual intercourse); it was doubtless "a good business."

Okay, I'm just the cabbie-on-the-street reporter, folks, and mostly all talk at my age...

She also added, though, that she wished her customers would "wait for her to leave the room" before they "relieved themselves."

No advice, honest...

SLC

I've been seeing them all over here too. Just around Midvale I have seen 4 places that are Asian or something like that move into buildings in the past couple years. Maybe some apostles go there for services.

Please keep in mind, many of these places are fronts for human trafficking.

I understand the need to have sexual release and actually don't have issues with prostitution when it's not coerced, but the reality of human trafficking is ugly and too many people turn a blind eye to it.

Many of these women are brought to the US thinking they will work in restaurants and end up being raped and forced to work as prostitutes in massage places. They have to pay back the fees to whomever brought them over. They have little recourse but to do what they are told. It is a human rights issue which has increased in the US and shows no sign of stopping. Don't contribute to the problem.

Interesting. And this whole time I found it incredible that one establishment had a cool coupon system for frequent visitors.

2 girl Thursdays or every 5th visit free 10 minute handjob. I couldn't believe how they could get good looking Slavic - east Europe girls and Asians girls. New faces almost every 4 months. It was annoying because some coupons couldn't redeem because it was at the old address and because they had to re-locate because of the cops non-sense. You had to start up your loyalty points all over again. Very annoying but the free hand job from the front desk over the complaints felt good.

Huge problem here in Canada as well...saw an interesting piece on PBS out of Spokane, WA about the abuse of woman brought into the USA to be manicurists as well.....Sad commentary. Women abusing women.

A woman really does sound like they are desperate down on ther luck to EVEN consider that her last options is moving to foreign country so that she could a .....manicurists...? I mean it's pretty naïve and I guess it works. The foreign nanny thing ... these girls really need to go in with their eyes wide open asking questions and asking for references from the employer. If it's a scan of course, it's very hard for them to get the REAL story. Anyway--- just saying that these other jobs offered around the world seem so general and stupid career paths to make money.


Every now and then you'll get the story about the Malaysian or filipina woman being treated as a slave house keeper by the Saudi Arabians in the United States and abroad.

...In a day. Impoverished, desperate women are targeted for this scam. And yes, it's horrifically common in Saudi Arabia in the royal families; Not just house slaves, but sex slaves that include children, too. It's sickening.

But when you're as poor and uneducated as these women and children are, you will do anything to make a life better for yourself. It's the modern day version of indentured servitude with sexual coercion. Even strip clubs are becoming fronts for these operations.

Phazer-

"A woman really does sound like they are desperate down on ther luck to EVEN consider that her last options is moving to foreign country so that she could a .....manicurists...?"

Do some research into how the rest of the world lives (or does not live). You comments reek of the narcissism of a first world view.

Oh but I have researched this topic and have been outside of America. I have given money to some of theses organizations that fight the oppression. Like so many causes the behavior and profit for human trafficking is beyond being solved. It's been happening for 1000s of years and will continue for a 1000 more.

So these days, I am amused at just how impoverished someone has to be to think its a good idea to sign up for these foreign jobs. 3rd world problems will continue. Fortunately, they are not my problems. The scope is beyond me and many organizations non profits. In short, I just don't give a shit about it anymore.

I saw a documentary on sex slavery too. Russian teenagers living in poor towns with no prospects of any jobs. People do hire foreign nannies legitimately quite often, so they answer an ad thinking it’s legitimate. Everything is handled for them, so they board a plane thinking they're going to country X, but instead they land in Turkey and are brutally ‘conditioned’ and forced to work as sex workers. Then they’re often shuffled out to other countries once they are conditioned and give up hope, but they’re always kept under close tabs, so there’s never any chance to escape.

One of the people included in the documentary was the fiancé of one of the victims. The documentary followed him as he went to Turkey to try and get his fiancé out, but even when he located her, he couldn’t get her away from the thugs that kept her prisoner. It was a pretty hopelessly sad documentary to watch. The guy went back home without getting her out. The guy’s fiancé was eventually let go, but only because the documentary team brought heat down on the authorities and that brought heat down on the traffickers, so they let her go eventually to avoid trouble. She was causing them too much grief with the documentary exposure and the authorities didn’t like the bad press, but they only made an effort about this one girl and not any others. She was just one girl out of what the documentary thought to be thousands. It was pretty depraved stuff. So sad. What a world.

They have a whole front operation back in the home country to make it look completely legit, you get to see pics of your host family, talk to ‘them’ on the phone, the whole bit. They can’t nab the operation back at home, because it looks like any other nanny placement place, and they claim to be victims in a scam too, but that’s just a lie. So they can’t even bust them. It’s very elaborate and complex. It’s pretty sad.

A seventeen year old girl answers a nanny ad in the newspaper.

"So these days, I am amused at just how impoverished someone has to be to think its a good idea to sign up for these foreign jobs."

So, you find despair and desperation amusing? You are a piece of work.