in common with the people around you?

Not that TSCC ever offered any real support or friendship.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/04/2011 10:01PM by atheist&happy:-).

I tend to join groups such as:

Book/Reading clubs
Drinking clubs
Hiking clubs


I also date a bunch of women and just make friends with their friends.

Works every time :)

On a long bike ride to my favorite place.

I have been doing some volunteer work with Habitat....

I like to hang at local community colleges. A very wide range of people there. And more worldly/educated, usually.

You come here! Mormonism makes you codependent on them; being your whole social world - you had little time for anything else. Do you live in a city or the country? What are your hobbies? Go to social networks that share your common interests. Hang in there, and come here often for moral support and reassurance that you did the right thing.

and attend classes, or events.

Join a support group of some kind.

Take classes - learn a new skill, or study a new subject you are unfamiliar with.
I took Adult Education classes for about four years at a local college where I studied lots of subjects, and met a lot of different people from many different religions, careers, walks of life.

Expand your hobbies. Find ways to enrich your day.
I took up knitting and sewing. I'm into a large sewing project that happens to be excellent therapy for the arthritis in my hands.

Learn to be OK with yourself! :-)
Watch all the movies you want, read all the books you want. I do!

Take trips with a group. Meet new people.

Volunteer -- there are dozens of places to volunteer in any area.
Become a C.A.S.A. - Court Appointed Special Advocate. You will take about 40 hours in training, and then be assigned a Ward of the Court for about 18 months. You function like a guardian
ad litem, something that children in the court system really need. I did! It's an opportunity to be an Advocate for a Child!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/04/2011 10:54PM by SusieQ#1.

When I moved to a new city I signed up for a bunch of Meetup groups. You can join groups based on hobbies, age groups, love of board games, sports - whatever. If you don't like one group, join a different one. They won't hunt you down if you quit!

It is so weird. It is a little like when you were in the cage, er, uh, the church, and sought to lure others into the cage by "being their friends," by thinking of ways to seduce them into the cage and to coordinate with other church members to enhance the force of the emotional seduction of the mark, the "golden ticket," the "investigator," the rube, the poor sap, the sucker, the vulnerable, naive one, the needy, socially hungry one.

Because it is "milk before meat." That is why the mark is to be considered always innocent and manipulated, an object for conversion, not a person, unique and inherently special.

Out side the church friends are everywhere and you have no other agenda for them other than introducing yourself and learning about them to see if you spark or have common interests.

You stand on your own two feet, look around, and decide where YOU want to go. If you were smart enough to get out of the Morg, you don't ever want to be a follower again. Carve out your own path through the wilderness. You might find others following you.

Excellent advice boomer. Do many exmormons look at themselves as nonleaders. Or does it just take time to readjust to the real you who is often quite a good leader? As a nevermo I always wondered about that. Now of course we know some exmos on this board are clearly leaders but how about the run of the mill type person who leaves.

I saw some figures for the USA by state, it surprised me that that many of the most religious states also had a higher than average percentage of Atheist.

I thought about that some. Then I realized how so many here have said that their journey out of the LDS eventually led them to be Atheist. I think that could be happening everywhere there are people raised in very strict religious environments.

When Jake and I divorced, I moved, took the boys and bought a dog. I took the dog to training classes and met people.

Then stupid me got married again. Dumb and dumber..that ended badly. So we got another dog. I love dogs.

I bought a house out in the sort of country and then I bought horses. So I met horse people who tend to be fun.

Meanwhile after my Masters was completed, I worked as a physical therapist..and then when the owner retired I bought him out. Shopping can do wonders to lifing spirits.

After that I had friends, business acquiances..and a good income.

Whatever you're interested in so is someone else...just have to find them. Now you can do what you want..reinvent yourself. you'll have fun.

stormy

stormy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------


> Then stupid me got married again. Dumb and
> dumber..that ended badly. So we got another dog.
> I love dogs.

Dogs are a lot less trouble than men :-)


> Meanwhile after my Masters was completed, I worked
> as a physical therapist..and then when the owner
> retired I bought him out.

My oldest son is going to school to become a physical therapist.

To a bar!

Maybe take some classes...

I start volunteering...

And it it is about recovery from LDS, I would suggest going to some of the events and meetups put on by the different people around.

Oh, I know where you're coming from, Atheist&happy!

Everyone gives us good advice here, and many of these suggestions worked for me, but it did take time.

In the meantime, I decided to embrace the solitude! This was a place I'd never been before, and I wanted to experience it fully, before I ran away from it. Many people recommend things like meditation, self-examination, spiritual retreats, vacations alone, and spending solitary time in nature, like Thoreau. I wanted to be "The Fool on The Hill" or the Indian ghuru, who sits on top of the Himalayas, and knows!

Seriously, this did turn out to be a bit of an adventure. I had to face some fears, alone in the dark, in a secluded cabin. It is necessary to identify your fears, and where they come from, before you can conquer them. IMO, Mormons are afraid of the (lone-and-dreary) world. They are afraid of anyone who is not one of them. They are especially afraid of ex-Mormons.

Mormons are brainwashed that popularity is a prime goal in life; in fact, your popularity (the ability to recruit new converts) is a measure of your righteousness. Therefore, a person with few friends, is a person of little value. Get it? You have to find your value somewhere else--in your family (if they're around), your career, tending your pets, maintaining a nice garden, learning, creating art or music, improving your yoga and meditation techniques--whatever you happen to be doing at the moment. While you are looking inward, you do not have to help others, or make money, or pretend to feel anything you don't feel. This usually doesn't last very long. For me, I was a bit of a recluse for about three years. No one needed me. The TBM neighbors and former TBM friends were shunning me, anyway.

Nothing lasts forever, and soon I realized that I was seeing a lot more of my non-Mormon friends at work, and old school chums. Some of my cousins left the cult, and needed my support. All that time I thought I was doing "nothing," I was working, reading, learning new computer skills, posting on RFM, hiking with my dog in the forest every day, getting rid of old Mormon recipes and eating health food, finding new favorite places to go. Things just happened.

I feel more confident and mature, these days. I know what my own opinions and feelings are.

It is interesting that you would express a lack of support and commonality with others--yet your name is "Athiest&happy." I completely understand this. When I got rid of the cult, I instantly became happier! It is possible to be happy and lonely at the same time.

I escaped to Second Life. I dont really have any other choices.

To the garden! I'm so good at it now I can grow billiard balls.

Just sayin'...

Ron