Posted by:
LeftTheMorg
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Date: February 16, 2020 03:58PM
I empathize with you. I went through the same thing when I finally had to admit to myself that the church just couldn't possibly be true.
Yes, I was duped. I found out many years later that this just meant I am a normal human being. You are normal if you get duped. Normal human beings trust their feelings and they trust others. It's okay to be normal. Don't be angry at yourself. I repeat: DON'T be angry at yourself. You are a normal human being. Con Artists manipulate us. Joseph Smith was a Con Artist, Brigham Young was a Con Artist.
Religions which claim to be THE TRUTH are Con games. Successful politicians are usually Con Artists. They are the abnormal ones.
There's a modern book which investigates how Con Artists treat others in modern life:
"Snakes in Suits, Revised Edition: Understanding and Surviving..." by Paul Babiak and Robert D. Hare (both psychologists). Get the most recent edition if you can. It will help a lot with your transition out of the cult and help you look for warning signs in others.
One of my big concerns was that I not get sucked into another Con job. That would be an easy road to take for many people who are trying to learn how to live without the crutch of an organization telling them how to live each day of their lives.
When we were True Believers we had rules to follow and most of our decisions were made for us. Now when we leave the organization we have to make so many decisions, and we don't have a Certainty that we can trust to guide us.
It feels very scary. At least it did to me when I no longer had certainty and the guidance of the organization.
The reality turned out that it wasn’t actually scary. It just felt very scary.
Remember: feelings are not Reality. Just as your feelings that the Church was True were not Reality, your fears you may be having are also not reality. You’re dealing with all kinds of shock right now.
You don’t need to make any decisions for a while. You are going through a process called “Disaffiliation.”
Again, you don’t need to make any decisions for a while. Keep your job. Continue your routine. I recommend finding a mental health counselor who specializes in disaffiliation if you can. You might go personally and visit the Social Work department of some local universities or colleges and explain your plight to the professors. One of them might give you the name of someone local who can empathize with you who you can talk to and who won’t try to convert you.
When I first realized the Church wasn’t true I was certain there had to be a True Church somewhere, or at least a True religion, so I went out looking. That was a mistake. There isn’t one. Don’t waste your time. The whole Idea of there being an organization or a Belief System set up by God is a false construct. There are only organizations set up by people. If you run into one that preaches “tithing” or “doing things a certain way” or thinks there are certain people who should devote their lives to their belief system you know you’ve run into another cult. Walk away from those. You will be much safer in a voluntary association group where every time you show up it is because you volunteer to go that day. No one pressured you to go.
One of the biggest risks a person who is newly leaving a cult faces is the possibility of finding another group to join that will end up being just as bad or worse than the one they just left. Don’t feel pressured to find something. Right now you just need someone safe to talk to.
Believe it or not one of the best groups I found where I could talk to people who understood my anger and my LOSS was the group “Parents of Murdered Children.” The people there really understood my anger and they let me express my anger safely.
You are going through a DEATH. You have lost something very dear to you. You’ve lost your Father in Heaven, your Mother in Heaven, and all your Siblings. It’s extremely painful. I would encourage you to just attend and listen the first few times because you’ll be able to empathize with the anger and pain of the losses you hear. I happen to have an uncle who was murdered and this very much affected my family and this group was the only group that really understood my anger at finding out the Church wasn’t true.
https://www.pomc.com/index.htmlIf you live in a majority Mormon area, eventually you might want to relocate, but you don’t need to do anything right away.
The most important thing is to find someone safe with whom you can vocally express your anger so it doesn’t spill over into your work life or your domestic life (I know this will be tough to prevent it spilling over but most others will not be able to understand what and why you are feeling).
Don’t try to warn other believers and help them get out. I tried this and NO ONE listened. The internet exists. If they have any desire at all to find the truth they can find it. Right now you need to TAKE CARE of YOU. It is not selfish to just take care of YOU.
Put yourself FIRST right now. Step back, sleep on it, take one tiny thought and one tiny movement at a time. Don’t do anything major for a while. You are already in the midst of a Major Life Event. Don’t do anything to cause any other Major Life Events for a while. Let this one change settle and become completed first.