I am on my way out. I am kind of torn about it, and honestly as bad as it sounds I wouldn't have an issue pretending to believe in the church for the rest of my life. If I had a significant other who was Mormon, I almost think it is easier just to stay in, taking into account my family and not wanting to let them down. However, my boyfriend is Lutheran and has expressed that in order for our relationship to progress, I need to become a Christian. When we first started dating we would argue about religion all the time and I would tell him that I am a Christian and I've believed in Christ my whole life! After months of arguments about my faith, I realized that what I was fighting for wasn't even what I really believed. I don't believe in a church that practiced polygamy, (D&C 132 helped me figure out how perverted JS really was). And that fact specifically is the biggest issue that I have had with the church since I can remember. I have friends who have been married in the temple and raised in the church their whole life who didn't even know that JS was a polygamist until I told them!

Anyways, so I held on to that disturbing polygamist background of the church and I have started doing research. It is exhausting! However, I am learning to let go and undo all of the weird things that I have been taught and I am trying to learn about Christianity. I have asked to be released from my calling and I feel so good about it, although I am still a little nervous.

Any encouraging advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks guys!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2015 07:36PM by loveleigh.

I'm not getting good vibes from this Lutheran boyfriend of yours, placing condition of his love to you becoming a main stream Christian.

Sounds vaguely familiar.. Hmm...

loveleigh Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> However, my boyfriend is
> Lutheran and has expressed that in order for our
> relationship to progress, I need to become a
> Christian. When we first started dating we would
> argue about religion all the time and I would tell
> him that I am a Christian and I've believed in
> Christ my whole life! After months of arguments
> about my faith, I realized that what I was
> fighting for wasn't even what I really believed.

Well, I guess I can't get over this, "I need to become a Christian."

My wife wouldn't have married me had I not been a RM and active. Now that I'm more atheistic than not, she is still with me and loves me.

If we were to end our relationship I couldn't imagine jumping into one where my religious beliefs were a requirement. I got enough of that in Mormonism.

What flavor of Lutheran? I have a high regard for the ELCA Lutherans. I think you would find it a great church in which to raise a family. They are very easy going and community-minded.

Don't go jumping into another nonsensical belief system for a relationship. Relationships should be based on mutual respect for each other.

He grew up in a Lutheran church that is Missouri synod. But we have been attending a non denominational Christian church. I told him that I prefer that better, and it is like a fresh start for both of us. I have had a hard time with the fact that he wants me to change my beliefs, but I completely understand it and he has been very supportive after I stopped arguing that the Mormon Church is true.

It is NOT ok for your boyfriend to demand you have *his* belief system.

Big red flag. Enormous.

I completely understand not jumping into another religion, but I do know that I want to have kids and I want them to have some sort of religious foundation that doesn't control their lives, but makes them good people. I enjoy community, without being looked down on if you rarely attend or want to have a drink, or a coffee, have tattoos or wear a tank top etc.

I understand the desire to raise kids in a church. You will love your kids no matter who their father is. The problem is, will you still be happy with him in 10 years? Wanting you to believe in a certain way points to control, and a relationship where one partner has more control than the other is neither healthy nor happy. I'm just saying there are common signs that can point to major issues down the road.

Just a quick reminder, you don't need a church to turn your kids into good people. All you have to do is BE a good person yourself. An invested parent will have far greater effect on a child than any once a week church service. Religion doesn't have a monopoly on morality.

I would highly suggest continuing to research what went wrong with your own relgion before crossing into another. If you can't apply the same skepticism of Mormonism to another religion, you haven't learned anything. I also agree with other posters, HUGE red flag about Mr. Lutheran.

Run away! My sister is Missouri synod (in a fairly liberal part of Cali) and they are the only church I know of that's crazier than TSCC. Her pastor convinced her that I wanted to kidnap my nieces and they put a mini amber alert at the girl's private, Lutheran school. In their mind, because my nieces are blonde I could easily kidnap them and make them disappear in Utah. *scratches head*

They may be friendly and accepting of you initially during your deconversion, but in my opinion they'll always wonder what was wrong with you that made you LDS at all. They're not very forgiving and very judgmental.

Fair warning: ANYONE who demands that you conform to THEIR religion for a relationship to continue has control issues. And cares more about their religion than you. That's true of mormons, that's true of some Lutherans (this one, apparently).

Think long and hard about this. Someone who doesn't want you as you are, and accept you as you are, may not be someone you want to be with.

Welcome, Loveleigh!

Change is difficult, but Joseph Smith made it much easier since he made it all up. Since then, it is one lie after another.

God/Jesus would split up families and demand 10+ % of your money to enter the multi-million dollar temples? Extortion for exaltation. It is a corporation full of hypocrisy.

If your boyfriend is demanding major changes, you seriously should reconsider being controlled yet again. You need someone who loves you as you are, today.

Be brave. People will try to guilt you, bribe you, coerce you, shun you... in order to get you to return to the matrix. Keep studying and you will be on solid ground. If you need Christ, listen to Grant Palmer on Mormon Stories podcasts. He left the church/still believes in Christ.

Good luck on your exciting path of freedom!

It's normal to experience fear and doubt when making this big of a change.

And, congratulations on waking up!

I think I have more faith in your reasoning abilities than others. Your mind opened, you sought and found some history and allowed the data to influence your opinions.

I didn't necessarily see red flags in the way you described your boyfri

...sorry - button thing.

...no red flags in his stance that he would want someone that shares his faith. It didn't read like a demand.

I'm not a believer, and not sure I would want a life with someone who was, so some believers must feel that way as well.

There have been many accounts of the painful reality of marriages and families that are destroyed when the formerly doubting mormon partner decides to return to the mormon church. I can't blame your boyfriend for being cautious. You, too, should be cautious and take the time and trouble to understand the history and the present stance of the mormon church. The church wants to maintain its position in between the partners, controlling all aspects of the relationship. Make sure that this is not you secretly want.

Yeah, if he's trying to get you to convert or is trying to control you, I'd get the F out of dodge. I already had one religion trying to control me. I don't want it again.

One thing that bugs me is when people tell me I'm not a Christian because I'm Mormon. I get that Mormons have an "American Jesus" or that we don't believe in the trinity... but I hate it when people tell me what I believe.

I had a girlfriend who was in the International Church of Christ (huge cult, BTW) and asked me if I was going to convert to christianity... I didn't even know I didn't believe in Jesus Christ in the first place. I eventually dumped her because I new she wanted to be churchy with me and I just didn't really want religion anymore. Plus she was psychotic.

After leaving the church, I went to other churches and realized that they have too many similarities and they just want to suck your money from you. I've lost all faith in organized religion. One church was enough for me.

Sorry, this ended up being more of a rant... But I was in a similar situation and I walked away and haven't looked back. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Others have given advice to be wary of getting connected with controlling groups.

It is good to take time to find out what you believe before making any commitment to any congregation.

When we first left TSCC, We checked out sermons online at congregation websites.

We are wary of any groups that are controlling; such as having to attend assigned bible study group and needing to confess to the leader of said study group or are "Moses led" (power at the top leadership) or that requires tithing.

Recently saw news article that past US President Jimmy Carter left Southern Baptist Convention, because of their adopting that women need to be obedient to husbands.(believe like covenant marriages).

Also checked out spiritual abuse online search.
It is good to find out why people leave other groups.

http://irr.org has information about basic protestant Christianity compared to Mormonism. We found it helpful when we first left the Mormons.

Comparing the demands of a non denominational church to the demands of Mormonism is like comparing lifting a pebble to lifting a one ton boulder. You put into it what you wish, no more and no less. You could skip church for 6 months and no one would bother you. If you are a Christian a Christ-centered non denominational church is a great way to go.

I'm calling bullshit on this. Plenty of non-denominational churches can be demanding. Some are even cultlike. Many are very damaging emotionally and psychologically.

ohdeargoodness Wrote:
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> I'm calling bullshit on this. Plenty of
> non-denominational churches can be demanding. Some
> are even cultlike. Many are very damaging
> emotionally and psychologically.

HAHAHAHAHA. That is really funny.

How many have you ever attended? I will grant you that atheists would not enjoy any Christ-centered church. Something about Jesus being God would irritate them to no end.

I was raised a nondenominational Christian, went to private Christian school K-12 and attended bible college at Multnomah University where I got an undergraduate degree in theology, Koine Greek (I double majored) and minored in biblical Hebrew.

I've attended a Christian Church (kind of like Church of Christ), Lutheran Missouri Synod, Nazarene, Roman Catholic Mass, Greek Orthodox services, home churches, Pentecostal and Four Square.

Is that good enough?

(Edited for spelling)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/14/2015 10:48PM by ohdeargoodness.

NONE of those churches you have attended are non denominational.

New Name Wrote:
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> NONE of those churches you have attended are non
> denominational.

Sorry, I should have explained myself better. Yes, some of them operated in coordination with the mother ship as it were, but the majority of them (regardless of official title) operated as non denominational churches - they had nothing to do with the historical vein their name came from and had their own unique confessions of faith and liturgical styles.

My point is that they are all traditionally legalistic works-based churches. A non denominational church is the opposite of that. Eg: Calvary Chapel.

I attended a non-denominational "bible believing" church as a child into a teen.

There are all types of nondenominational churches including some that are very much legalistic cults far worse than LDS.

Some are very nice, warm places to be.

To the original poster... I agree with those who advise caution about partnering with someone who requires you to change your religion.

If you do this, when (if) you have children, you will have damaged your ability to raise them how you want. He will expect them to be raised according to his family traditions. Your family will always be "bad" and second class because of their beliefs.

These are things to resolve before marriage, before children..... I suggest that you find a neutral (not someone from his religion) pre-marital counselor to help the two of you address these issues.

Let me beat that horse a bit more: in the common vernacular a "Bible" church is not often considered a non denominational church. Bible churches are often quite small with a strict hierarchy and many explicit and implicit rules. In a word: pharasaical.

Jesus being God has been the hardest thing for me to accept about Christianity. But my boyfriend and I have been attending Central Christian Church which broadcasts its services so that you can also watch from home if you prefer or can't make it. When we have attended in person not one person stopped and talked to us, we got lots of welcoming smiles tho. I like it because there, repentance is in your own prayers, no one is there telling you to how to repent and when you will be "worthy". I definitely appreciate all of your opinions, and I know there are a lot of agnostics or atheists on this site, but my relationship is worth it to me to try out another religion before I quit and say that it isn't for me. My boyfriend has been very supportive in me taking my time and seeing if this is the right path for me.

Depending on his brand of Lutheranism, it can be pretty dogmatic and demanding. It won't be like the LDS, but hey, who is? Anyway what I really want to say is don't jump to your boyfriend's church just to please him. Belief is a personal thing and if your boyfriend is making conditions for your continuing relationship based upon your being Christian than I would think he is somewhat immature. I don't know your age but you seem to be young and I would say to take things slowly. You are coming out of a community he knows very little about and you will go through an adjustment period. Now I am personally a Christian and I took thirteen years after resigning to come to this place in my life. Now after twenty years my wife is not there as I. It is her journey and I understand what she is going through because I was once standing beside her in the same place. I am still standing beside her but her beliefs or for her own choosing and I have no right to impose in her search for her spiritual direction or lack of such. All of these moves are yours and he should stand by and support you. If he won't he is not the man for you. I pray that your situation will resolve itself in a manner that will leave you in a good place.

Hi Loveleigh,

I think I can help you with this: In accepting Christianity, you will be embracing a whole new God.....the true God of the bible; NOT the Mormon God who is merely a finite, exalted man! The Mormon Heavenly Father is absolutely a fanstasy and a false God. He is NOT the creator of all, He lives within the confines of time and space, he has wives, parents, grandparents, etc. He is on a path of learning and progression.

But the real God you are learning about is completely different! He has always been God, never had to learn anything because he has always known everything. His omniscience is "unsearchable, without measure", He has no wives or parents or literal children or body of flesh and bones. He created time and space for man's convenience, and His policy toward man is GRACE !!

I think you are doing well....just take your time and enjoy all this new learning about God and be so thankful you are leaving the cult!

You forgot to mention how the REAL God, while omniscient, is still kinda shitty with money so he needs yours.