I am not a Mormon. I'm a believing but largely lapsed Catholic. However, a good friend of mine converted in her 20s, when the missionaries were still in the former Soviet Union. She has been questioning for a long time, less the religious aspects (which she knows I think are whack) but primarily because of the controlling, toxic culture of intimidation.

She has made the decision to leave, and I want to support her. I see the LDS church as the abusive spouse (there is some irony there actually) that people return to time and again because the spouse isolated them so much that they don't feel like they have resources.

My friend is smart and well educated and she wants the best for her children. She however has a tween who is pretty deep into things and I think the main reason she has waited until now was her child.

So how do I help her? What do I do? Take her to a liturgical Christian church (Orthodox, Catholic, Episcopal, Lutheran?) how can I help?

Listen. Love her. Read here if you want to know more about the common wounds and pains. You sound like a great friend - she's lucky to have you!

Agree a supportive and listening friend is the best. ;-)

We like shopping for food on Sundays!
Some people need time to grieve after leaving Mormonism.

Liturgical worship and hymn can be enjoyable sometimes, an invitation to join you when you want to attend is nice.

Sending my greetings and regards to you both.



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 05/17/2015 10:20AM by left.

Ha! I "enjoy" laundry on Sundays.

Seriously, the thing that I can't get past is the way all of these people think it's ok to just drop by someone's house unannounced and harass them. The level of intrusion into people's private lives astounds me, particularly as an introvert.

I have tried to be nonjudgmental but I am relieved she is taking this first step. If it walks like a cult and talks like a cult...

I talked to her at length yesterday. She has verbally resigned but is unwilling to pull her child out of youth activities on the grounds that "it's good for him."

I am trying to be nonjudgmental but frankly I suck at it. I told her the people at church would badmouth her to him. I told her that the bishop would begin asking her son inappropriate questions. She was appalled about the latter but I don't think the repercussions of keeping one foot in have fully dawned on her.

I know this is a decision she has to make for herself but I hate to see the emotional abuse she is sustaining. I truly believe that 99% of her self esteem issues and need for validation come from that toxic environment. I truly see a cycle of abuse in her relationship with the church and I find it so upsetting.

I know she will make more decisions when she is ready and that it is a process but I hate to see her being hurt by a community that feels the right to judge her so strongly.

The consensus here is that it is usually best to wait a while before investigating other denominations. Tell her to take a break from church for a year or two. And she should definitely pull her daughter out as well. Kids are very adaptable. The daughter will be just fine. If the child needs a community tell the mom to look up local girl scout troops.

Feel free to send her here. There are other exmo boards as well if this one doesn't suit.

Definitely the most important thing is to LISTEN. Is it possible for your friend to start reading RfM? At least some of the exit stories (Maybe you could print them out for her?).

I understand where she's coming from, I wanted to leave too, but didn't know how to handle the situation with my children and their still-believing father. Coming to this board and getting feedback from those who had the courage to leave helped me immensely. One poster kept telling me, "You have to be true to yourself," and I got a lot of ideas of how to leave myself and eventually my children left also.

Is your friend married? If so, her approach will depend on her relationship with her husband. I got divorced. The church wasn't the main issue, but definitely a contributing factor.

Please let her know that SHE has shaped and guided her child thru the years; NOT the CULT!!!

The CULT will only TAKE; it has NOTHING to GIVE.

Here is what the Cult offers:

Obey
Pay
Pray
Guilt
Sin
Sexual Issues
Spousal Abuse
Child Abuse
Clean Toilets