If so, describe it on a scale of 1 to 10 as to how powerful it was and how much it held you back from accepting the truth about Mormonism?

I was ultra TBM and had a strong "testimony" but never really had any kind of faith affirming spiritual experience that I could hold onto that kept me believing.

My testimony was more what I would call brainwashing. I was simply convinced it was true. I had warm fuzzies when I did church stuff like praying, listening to talks, etc. but none of these were enough to overcome the troubling facts of the church's history and exposure to the truth. it was too obvious the church was not what it claimed to be. The warm fuzzies were not enough to convince me it was true. I couldn't help but question whether the warm fuzzies were just my own feelings based on incomplete knowledge.

Did any of you lean on spiritual experiences that were so powerful they were difficult to dismiss despite the overwhelming evidence against the church?

Is it not an amazing coincidence that everything promised in the highest Mormon heaven to be exactly what people hope for?

I joined the cult (rather than born into it). I had a 'spiritual witness' which felt - funnily enough - exactly how the missionaries described it should feel.

older and wiser now, I have studied a little psychology and know a little bit about manipulation.

this kind of induced emotion is well known and used extensively.

Derren Brown (an atheost himself) was able to induced a profound spiritual religious effect in a self-declared non-believer, for his special 'Fear and Faith'
seek out this clip, (I cant link because his stuff is blocked in the UK because of copyright) if you can find it, and watch it, you will NEVER feel the same way about the mormon 'burning in the bosom', again

This is the link :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=40&v=NkhdazSASpw

I was TBM, also had a strong testimony.

Try as I might I couldn't get a strong spiritual witness. Well nothing more powerful than the 'spiritual' witness I got from a great movie, or a piece of music, or from nature, or even from something as awe inspiring as an image from the Hubble Space Telescope.

I lie about it on my mission of course, told everyone I had an undeniable spiritual witness.

I thought I had a spiritual witness and whatever happened wore off, but it took thirty years. I wish it hadn't been so strong so that it could have worn off a lot quicker.

I waited for 30 years to have that spiritual witness, but I never did feel such a thing.

I wrote down my burning in the bosom experience in my journal when I was 17ish. It was immediately after praying to God if the Book of Mormon was true, and it seemed everything and more than I had ever been promised it would be.

It became a problem, though, when my shelf collapsed, because I thought I couldn't deny it. I thought I had been given much and much was required of me. In some strange brew of masochism and sanctimoniousness, I would tell myself "I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I dared not deny it," even though Mormonism made me miserable inside. It made my shelf collapse difficult, because I thought I had just lost the spirit and the devil was getting me finally. I was a sinner, I thought, and that was why I felt so awful and how all these critical arguments were starting to sound really persuasive. What really happened was that I had finally been exposed to so much information my cognitive dissonance was affecting my mental health.

It took a lot of inching and testing the water before I could finally convince myself it was all psychology. That was when it all came to a head and I delved into atheist literature followed by critical information of the tscc. I was horrified by the things I found out. I hold my former delusion in contempt and I generally don't trust subjective experiences or emotional appeals anymore when some aspect of how I see reality is on the line.

Yes. I had the powerful "burning in the bosom."
Then I had the powerful "burning in the bosom" watching a fictional movie, with a dramatic story, skillful acting, and a soaring musical score.
Then I had the powerful "burning in the bosom" watching a live, skillful performance of "Les Miserables."

Then I realized that the "burning in the bosom" wasn't "the spirit," it was my own emotions. And that my emotions could be manipulated, and didn't indicate any external "witness" of truth, but were just coming from me.

Then I started deciding "truth" by facts and evidence, not my emotions. And I left the church, because facts and evidence show the church's truth claims false, and my emotions (or lack thereof) don't change facts and evidence.

No. I was willing to fake it though (subconsciously)--even lying to myself which was easy after the brainwashing from birth.

Before going for my endowments and the mission, I fasted and prayed for hours on end and finally worked myself up into a few goose bumps and chills in the neck. I settled for that. Desperate to be the perfect Mormon boy I was raised to be.

The funny thing is I honestly felt sincere when I bore my testimony--that's how deep the brainwashing goes. I happened to be the perfect candidate for the indoctrination. Don't nobody ever tell me it's not a cult.

And for any TBM lurking: Yes. I studied the scriptures and prayed with a pure heart, sincerely. Yes I was worthy to know. Moroni's promise is bull.

I was the same. I KNEW the church was true, even though I never had any powerful spiritual confirmation. Early on in my mission I was well trained to share the first vision story in hushed tones and with faked conviction that would bring some to tears, but I still never felt anything. By the middle of my mission, I had read the BoM several times and desperately wanted that spiritual experience that I could never deny that would cement my testimony. Despite many hours pleading for that answer, nothing ever came. I somehow brushed that aside. I still KNEW it was true, and I figured I would be doubly blessed for keeping the faith when God gave me no reason to. I was an idiot and I could have saved myself tens of thousands of dollars and the next 10 years of my life if I had just used some common sense. Of course, I was being brainwashed to put "perfect obedience" above any real virtues.

While I didn't have a special witness that the Mormon church was true, as a born in the church member, I did see an angel appear to me while I was a child. It was during the night and my room became as bright as daylight, as the angel stood there, suspended slightly above the floor. He was wearing long flowing white robes and his hands were outstretched, and his feet and ankles were bare.

He had dark auburn red hair, and a fair countenance. He told me how old I am going to live to. And then no sooner had he shared that he was gone, and my room was dark again as night.

What it reminded me of was Smith's angelic visitations he spoke of appearing to him in the night in his room giving him revelations. Now I don't believe there was any correlation between the two.

At the time I did because it was strikingly similar to his account of the angel Moroni.

Only my angel didn't identify himself. He only gave me his message, and then he was gone. And mine only appeared once, not three times.

"He told me how old I am going to live to."

So how close are you to that? I expect you are able to plan your funeral in advance close to the time.

I don't understand why I'd be given that as a message. I've already outlived some of the nearest and dearest to me, and still have a ways to go. I try to take good care of myself anyway, as in preventive care. Although as I age, I have the same concerns as many in my same age group.

Life is fragile at best, and a gift. I've been taught to cherish my loved ones because they're only here for a little while, and then they're gone. But then don't we all do that?

Why I'd be told how old I'll live to be may take a lifetime to understand, if then.

I've had a very difficult life, despite being told how old I'll live to be. Knowing doesn't make it easier for me. It just makes me wonder why? Although it also makes it easier for me to face some of my fears.

Planning in advance? My parents both did that. I hope to be able to do that too.

I wanted to believe that families could be together forever (just love that statement). I NEED my family. I need my kids to be with me forever. When I look back, I tried so damn hard and I did. Since my father drank coffee, I worried from a very young age that I was going to lose my family. When my parents would argue, I was afraid I was going to lose my family.

I also thought I had no other choice. I lived in fear my whole young life.

I didn't bare my testimony unless forced to like at girl's camp when they'd go around the circle. I had beliefs in God and Jesus, but the rest. I just tried to believe. I don't know what I believe now.

All the time I was mormon, I KNEW that I didn't believe the way others did. My beliefs have always been and will forever be unique only to me, just like I think everyone's are. Mormons try too hard to be just like each other.

Probably the most powerful spiritual witness of mormonism happened while I was in the temple. I was scared to death and felt no holiness there. That witness caused many difficulties as I tried to rationalize those fears and still give everything to the church.

Cold-Dodger's post caused me to realize how effective the mormoism is at getting people to focus only on the positive feelings and ignore the flow of terrible feelings over time. It's a trick and one that works well because people believe bad feelings come from Satan, so they learn not to trust their own minds.

I had an overwhelming spiritual experience at age 16 (seemingly being filled with light and love in a way that made me feel personally and directly touched by God) and several minor ones over the years since then. It probably delayed my exit, but once I came across the shelf-breaking information, it wasn't enough to change my conclusions. Those experiences just made the exit more painful because I felt I had been betrayed by both the church and by god. It lead to my atheism because it didn't make sense that a god would have so powerfully confirmed something that was not only false, but damaging to me and my family.

Now I just marvel at what the human brain can do. In some ways it is frightening.

Always in life being the devil's advocate , I had decided not to accept anything at face value , and decided I was going to prove this or nothing at all . In prayer I essentially demanded to KNOW , and not just a warm fuzzy feeling . Long story , short , I had 6 missionaries show up at the door all within minutes of each other . In the course of conversing , a definite , feeling of an overwhelming intelligence settled in on all of us . I looked around the room , and seeing that my perception was
shared by everyone , I asked point blank who brought the intelligent being with them ? No one said a word , but just sat in awe for about 1/2 hour before this intelligence left . Today I have no answer .

Sounds like a SBD story. Substitute intelligence for SBD, it reads the same.

40 + years of age. BIC. Never received any feeling or prompting. Just silence. No voice in my head. Figure I must be sane. Followed all the "rules", paid tithing. Never had a prayer answered. Well Brother, the answer was no then..... So either God hates me or there is no God. Or I am doing it wrong.

So fuck 'em.

The only time I would say I had a spiritual experience would be the time my wife and I knew we were supposed to get married. Can't describe other than we looked at each other in our relationship and knew.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2015 12:40PM by shodanrob.

You guys had it easy. When I prayed about the BoM, I got a 10. And I've seen things, man. Things. But the facts don't lie. The BoM is a hoax just like the whole church.

The only spiritual witness of mormonism I had was when, thirteen years after my baptism, I found this website, read stories of people with experiences similar to mines (and the same issues on the famous shelf) and I suddenly realized that the church was a fraud. It was a sudden realization and a warm feeling.

Unfortunately I had to remain involved with the church for a few more years and I am still stuck with a TBM spouse.

Sort of. I read the BOM intensely then prayed very earnestly for a witness that it was true.

I thought I received some sort of intense feeling at the time - kind of a fluttering of the eyes as if someone was shining a flashlight in my face.

However, a few days later, I realized that I could duplicate this exact experience by merely looking up with my eyes closed. I was very disappointed.

Never ever had anything else even remotely resembling a spiritual experience - even when I was a total TBM.

Not me.. .. I was a convert. But...hubby did. Oh ya. It's the only real kind of testimony that does not waver. My husband claimed he had a "spiritual witness" and that revelation of the spirit put his beliefs hermetically sealed in a compartment of his brain that could not be challenged!! I believed him. He did not waver right up to his death.

I'm inclined to think all the religious beliefs are just ideas to give people some way of explaining life and death and when death comes, all bets are off.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/10/2015 04:15PM by SusieQ#1.

The only witnessing I felt was uneasiness I felt when exposed to the propaganda!

Not of Mormonism, but of a way of looking at life and other people. It was a single, profound experience that was prompted by scripture (The Sermon on the Mount). The immediate effects lasted several days and 40 years later it still reverberates in my view of life, love, and truth. The experience did not speak to the truthfulness of the BOM or the church. In fact, as I assimilated my experience, that TBM mindset became pretty much irrelevant.

I have felt "The Spirit" plenty of times. Maybe stronger than some, and less strong than others. I'd like to mention the spiritual experiences of people from other faiths, like these from members of True Jesus Church:

http://testimoniesofotherfaiths.blogspot.com/search/label/True%20Jesus%20Church

If these people ever started to doubt the True Jesus Church, they would probably have some serious emotional difficulties. The same website has stestimonies and spiritual experiences from all sorts of religions.

I didn't have a spiritual witness of mormonism as a mormon, but I did have a witness of Jesus while a Mormon.

I was newly graduated from college in Boise, Idaho, with a newborn and single. I didn't have a clue what the future held for me or my child.

At the time I was still active LDS, for an unwed mother that is.

One early Sunday morning I had this dream that I was walking with Jesus in the desert near Jerusalem. We walked for a while, then sat down on a hilly knoll together and had lunch. He ate from a bowl of chicken soup, and handed me a diet 7-Up.

I remember his two-toned robe and brown leather sandals as we walked across the sands. But what I recall most fervently was a deep feeling of love and peace settle over me that went beyond any human understanding I've known. I was being comforted and assured that whatever I was going through with my newborn child that we weren't going to go it alone because he was going to be with us.

That was the sum of my dream. And it was a reassurance afterwards as I struggled with single parenthood. And eventually leaving the LDS church.

I will say there was one witness I had as a Mormon, and that was a priesthood blessing I had when I was expecting my baby, and nearly miscarried. My Christian friends were praying for me, but nothing seemed to be helping me get better. Until a couple of Melchizidek priesthood holders came to give me a blessing. And in that moment I was healed.

I can't explain it, nor will I try to. It just happened. And I am thankful that it did.

I never did. Fifteen years ago, when I started questioning moism, I prayed hard for one, but never received it. I deduced that one of three things was true for me: 1) There wasn't a God, 2) If there was a God, he certainly didn't seem to give a shit about me or 3)mormonism was not true.

My witness that it was a fraud and I had been lied to was much more spiritual and stronger than any witness I felt as a believer.