When I left, I didn't even know this place existed.
Good for you, and congratulations on your exit!
I don't know why anyone would joke about this being a place for losers though. It kind of makes leaving feel like a downer, when you should be more jubilant.
I ran with OP's metaphor of the contest. Apparently my sense of humor is, um, eccentric. Any day someone leaves the cult is a great day for them and us.
You lost the opportunity to give all your time and talents to an anonymous organization who wouldn't part with a dime (or give you a tithing refund) to save your eight year old if she had cancer (true story).
You won't be receiving multiple callings which prevent you from ever seeing your children's soccer games as you hunch over the ward toilet with brush in hand. (Sorry--they will not "understand" later, trust me)
You won't be spending sunny Sundays locked in a smelly, humid ward building full of resentful Angry Bird players and cheerios-throwing toddlers. Poor you, such a loser.
You won't be getting married all alone wearing a bad Halloween costume, won't be skipping that cruise for tithing settlement, and won't be celebrating Joseph Smith's birthday instead of Christmas. I'm tearing up here.
You won't be pulling your garments out of your crack and wondering if Oxy-Clean will work on those yellow-stained bottoms.
Instead you'll be hitting Victoria's Secret on Sunday when it's virtually empty and planning a surprise for hubby after you come home from the picnic at the beach. Or you'll be getting the surprise, if you are male...:)