My question is for Mormons or Ex-Mormons reading this, who were raised in the Church or converted at a young age, who were sexually active before your mission and/or marriage. My question is....

Did you feel you were sinning, or did you justify what you were doing? If so, how did you justify it?

Thanks

Interesting question for me. I was BIC, but as young as 6 or 7 I was "rebelling". I didn't like church, it sounded made up and not true, etc. At about 13 years old, my parents let me stop attending all church releated stuff. I never felt I was sinning while doing this, didn't feel guilty at all.

When I became sexually active as a teenage inactive mormon, I didn't feel like I was sinning, didn't feel guilty at all.

As a 20 year old adult, I tried to get back into church life for a while, but did end up going all the way again with a girlfriend. This was the only time I felt guilty, like I had sinned.

I left church activity for another couple years and during that time, felt no guilt again.

So, from my experience, the only time it feels wrong, like sin, is when you are trying to believe that its wrong, because someone is telling you that it is wrong. Left all to itself, it feels great, except for the part about pregnancy and STD risk, but you can prevent all that and still do it, so no worries :)

Oh gawd yes I was eaten up with guilt.

I carried my silent shame for over a year.....right up to the day I sat down with the BP for my interview

Fortuitously, my belief that God nose all unwittingly dealt me a get out of jail for life free card by the time I confessed my sins to Gordon effin Hinckley.

Never got to push them pedals for Jeebus, no sir.

So sad...,...:o(

not!

I was never a strong believer but as a sexually active teen I felt guilty about it. I assumed I didn't have a soul, which is what I recall being taught about sexual sinners.

Looking back, I think I was more scared of being outed and having my parents know than I was of God striking me down.

In my mind, I had a plan to wait until I was old and/or on my deathbed and then repent. I figured I better wait because if I remember correctly, I was taught that if you committed the same sin again, you couldn't be forgiven twice. I liked sex and was likely to fornicate again so I figured I better wait on the repentance thing.

In terms of justification I remember looking at the world and thinking damn near everybody was having sex, so I couldn't really be all that bad. I figured I could get into the telestial kingdom with no problem.

Before my mission, I was a 2nd baser, and I really didn't care. I was more embarrassed to have to confess, thinking if that the spirit thang was true, I was toast if I didn't confess. Post mission - I was a home run king, and I thought the devil would poccess my soul. Never did.

I was a high school jock, with a cheerleader girlfriend. She was hot, hot, hot, and not a Mormon.

The night we did it, I walked out of her house convinced I had just damned my soul to hell. You know, the sin next to murder thing and all. Thanks SWK. Bastard. May you rot in hell.

But I never confessed. One of my friends who was a year older had, and I had seen what happened to him. He had to wait a year to go on the mission, have tons of worthiness interviews, etc. The Mormon repentance process was public humiliation and shame. He might as well have painted a big red letter A on his forehead.

I guess I'm just a little more prideful than some (I call it self-respect). Even though I did go to BYU for a couple of years, I never confessed. And I then chose to not serve a mission. My sexuality is (was) none of their goddamned business.

Can you tell I'm still pissed off 32 years later?

Consenting sexual activity is just that. It my be wonderful, it may be terrible, it may be satisfying or it may not. You may even regret it. But the one thing it is NOT is a sin in and of itself.

That it is "sinful" is the claim of one or more religions. That doesn't make it true.

There is a whole lot of damage done in the name of religion!

Growing up in the church I could have been the poster child for Mormon youth. I went to church every Sunday, held every youth leadership position available, missed four days of early morning seminary in four years, etc.

When I was a senior in high school I had a hot girlfriend. We messed around a little but I never felt guilty. I justified it be telling myself that as long as I didn't initiate, I couldn't be at fault.

The next year I went away to BYU and met a gal who had a similar background in the church as I. Growing up, her TBM mother had told her all the things NOT to do when alone with a boy. Being miles away from home, she could hardly wait to try them out...on me (thanks mom!!). As we started exploring things she would feel guilty afterwards. But the next time we were together things would go further. More guilt, more tears, until one day that all stopped. She unleashed her inner nymphomaniac and we never looked back. We had sex every night the last semester of our freshman year.

I remember being taught that living in "sin" could never equal happiness. I soon discovered that wasn't true because not only did I not feel guilty, I felt pretty damn good and happy. I was aware though that I would have to serve a mission so eventually some sort of confession would be required. I figured I would knock that out before going home by confessing to my BYU Bishop the last week of school. I did that, then went back home assuming everything was taken care of.

Imagine my surprise when a month later my home Bishop called me in to tell me that he had spoken with my BYU Bishop. Yikes!! So I had to do the whole repentence thing before I could turn in my mission papers. An appointment was set up for me to speak with a G.A. six weeks later. About a week before my appointment with the G.A., my BYU nympho girlfriend flew into town for a surprise weekend visit. We banged like a screen door in a hurricane.

When I spoke with the G.A. he was such a sweet old man that I didn't have the heart to tell him I had marathon sex the weekend before. I only told him what I had done while at BYU. He was great, and when I finished with him I thought I would be struck by lightning as I walked to my car. But that taught me another important lesson...there is NO "gift/spirit of discernment" with the church leaders. I went on my mission and confessed what I hadn't told the G.A. to the MTC Prez. That opened up a whole new kind of hell in my life.

Did I justify having sex? Yeah, a little at first. Did I feel guilty having sex? Never. It felt like the natural thing to do. I am amazed though that now I encourage my TBM RM son to have pre-marital sex...at least with the person he is in a serious relationship with or plans to marry. He won't though. Still, years ago, I never thought I would be encouraging my kids to have pre-marital sex. LOL!!

Don't stop, so-to-speak...please tell us the rest of the story. What happened with nympho after the mission?

Well...I never finished out the mission. After confessing to the MTC Prez he told me to write letters to my Stake Prez, Bishop, and father explaining what I had done. I told him that two out of three wasn't bad because I was NOT going to share my sexual excapades with my father. He told me to write the other two then (which I did). A week later I was called back into his office with another G.A. sitting there. They told me everyone was in agreement with me staying out on my mission, and, oh by the way, THEY told my father and he was good with it as well. I called them S.O.B.'s and told them to stick their mission. I walked out after five weeks in the MTC.

As far as the BYU nympho girlfriend, long distance and lifestyle changes (she got into drugs, other guys) killed our relationship. Eventually though she got married in the temple, had a bunch of kids, and got divorced when she found out her husband was cheating on her. We hooked up again years later when I was divorced and had a great time. Distance and timing though were never kind to us and made things too difficult to carry on. I haven't been in contact with her for years.

Okay...now that's a satisfying ending. ;)

I had many make out sessions with just one super, hot guy in Jr high and through high school. Dated others but never got as aggressive with anyone else,like this first fling. We explored and had fun. I love remembering his Ford and the fun we had. Even caught in action by a cop..he just laughed and told us to go home. We were 17 and had no cares. Some of my best memories...

I always had an underlying annoyance that I would need to confess this all to my Bishop. Then one day it occurred to me it was none of the Bishop's business and I never said a word to him or any other leader of that stupid organization.

Oops, previous response to the OP..just an experience to share..

"...We banged like a screen door in a hurricane"

Haha, I love this...man I miss being 20

I feel terrible that I do not remember the name of the GA who interviewed me. All the girls in HS that I could have had joyous teenage sex with and I said no. I would come home from dates terrifically frustrated and have to imagine what might have been. And then we discovered dry humping, and that tidied me over.

I finally fell from grace during the summer after my first year in college. (I never had one date my first year, at the UofU. I was simply too awful, compared to the rest of the freshman class; I was still 17; didn't turn 18 til well into winter quarter.)

I was cruising Fremont St. and met a girl and she took me to her place and we started fooling around and, boom, I had sex. As soon as the deed was done, I felt the heaven split asunder and a host of heavenly beings poured out kettles and vats and tureens and bathtubs and barrels of liquid guilt and it washed over me like a tidal wave. I grabbed my clothes and fled from her couch and all the way home I battled my way through that wave of guilt. It was awful.

I went back the next night and the night after that... I never even learned her last name. Obviously I was able to deal with the guilt, or rather my reproductive system did.

Eventually I thought about getting right with ghawd and confessed to my bishop. Really great guy. He just told me not to do it anymore. I wasn't even thinking about a mission at that point. But then a few months later I started dating the Patriarch's daughter and eventually her mom and the bishop, for separate reasons, started talking about a mission. So I put in my papers and then had a meeting with the SP and then they arranged a meeting with a GA.

And six months later I was in the SLC mission home. I didn't have sex again until I was married, but I sure did want to, and I practiced all I could, including lots of dry humping. But it's just not the same.

But I'm still pretty messed up when it comes to sex, thank you very much, you unfucking miserable church.

Not sure if this fits the OP question but one thing I noticed is that everything I did as a 16 year old that was thrilling and defined my youth and the excitement of being young was instantly made "shameful" once I was baptized into the Mormon Church.

I have often marveled at how many TBM's love movies like Risky Business and others that show teens experiencing life, but in the real world would shun people doing those things.

First time I found a Playboy. First time I made out with a girl. First beer. First experiment with pot. Whatever. These are the experiences some young people have, and of course some don't, but for me they were memories I will never forget.

Thankfully now that I have left the cult of Mormonism I can remember these times fondly, and no longer see them as mistakes that were a result of my bad choices.

Geez. Mormonism is so bad when practiced to its extreme... And that's the way the leaders want it practiced.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/24/2015 01:16AM by Doubting Thomas.

I was in 9th grade attending Bonneville Jr. high school. As a good mormon boy I attended seminary classes. One day as I left the seminary building I paused next to the very large blue spruce next to the sidewalk that led back to the school. I looked up at the sky and tried to sort out my feelings. I was horny as could be and was almost constantly consumed with thoughts of the female anatomy. I very clearly remember thinking there was no way I could hold out for marriage. If I had the chance I would take it.

I had just listened to brother Tolman go on and on about the importance of chastity and eternal consequences and sin next to murder and for the love of all that is holy keep it in your pants. I knew I couldn't do it. I knew the Telestial kingdom was the best I could hope for and I kind of just decided that's what I'd shoot for.

Well, the important thing is you had a realistic goal. ;-)

A male TBM friend of mine told me once years ago about how he'd struggled with masturbation. He wanted desperately to serve a mission and worked very hard with his leaders to be "worthy." He left at 20 (a year later than the then 19 rule) and he mentioned how proud of himself he felt, that he was "right with Heavenly Father" and worthy to be a missionary.


His very first night in the MTC, his roomies and some other guys from the adjoining rooms came over after curfew to chat. He said they started talking about their hometowns, etc but the conversation quickly came to sex. He told me with tears in his eyes as one missionary after another talked about having sex, how many women they'd slept with, one even had a child but had no custody (kinda makes you wanna know why huh? he said.) A few people admitted to being virgins but over half had been sexually active.

He said that although he figured at least a few were lying about their sexual adventures, he was devastated, after struggling to be "pure" just from masturbating, apparently having sex didn't keep you from serving.

Hmmm... First night in the MTC? That's a pretty shocking experience for a number of reasons.

It seems that most other mainstream Christian churches have largely lost the youth when it comes to sexual activity. Of course the Mormon church has several things to hold over them -- the mission, the temple, along with the obsession about sexuality and the intense indoctrination.

But even then, I sometimes wonder when the Mormon church will lose the battle.

I suppose by "sinned sexually" you mean with a partner. But I lived with quite a bit of guilt from masturbating regularly since I was 12. I always told myself that the church had no right to tell me what I could do with my own body, and I suppose I didn't really believe it was a "sin." But I still felt guilty about it for a long, long time. I remember thinking sometimes while I served the sacrament, that I was unclean and everyone who took the bread or water from me would be tainted too. Crazy stuff like that.

This is pretty embarrassing but I still have trouble "touching myself" directly, even now 18 years later. I believe I was scarred for life by the stupid bishop interview I was forced into after my parents found my lingerie mag stash when I was 13 -- I always have to masturbate using cloth rather than my bare hand. I knew that it was splitting hairs, that masturbation was masturbation no matter how I did it, but still...

I was born in the church, and when I started being sexually active I was absolutely riddled with guilt. But I continued being sexual anyway, I had my reservations about the church years before I left it and knew that there was a lot of conditioning going on.

It wasn't until I was found out by my dad, and naturally his response was to tell the Bishop, instead of sitting down and having a chat about it. So I went to this awkward interview where he told me how bad of a sin it was, the great thing was I just didn't care, and after it was out in the open, I felt no guilt at all.

I realised just how ridiculous all of these rules about chastity were, they're there for control purposes anyway.
Don't get me wrong, some people love sex, and some people don't like sex, it should be up to the individual how sexually active they are, as long as they are well informed. It shouldn't be down to some self-righteous ass to tell you what to do.

I just wanted to keep doing it. My TBM from provo BYU girlfriend begged me to confess before going on a mission. Down the rabbit hole I went, after a six month waiting period I went on a mission, and basically dreamt of returning to my sinning state the entire time. I came home and pretty soon started dating on of my companion's exmo sister, who was a gem. She put up with my transitioning out of mormonism carnal-dissonance the way that only a former mormon can.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/24/2015 09:14AM by ladell.

Actually I took the position that it was nobody's business what I did.

Well I can never forget the first time I had sex.

It was dark and I was scared out of my mind.

Because I was all alone! :o)

I was a sinner from the get go....and I'm with thedesertrat1 on it being nobodies business but my own....and I married a Catholic.

Ron Burr

Well, the 18-year-old ex-laurels president who screwed my 43-year old (now-ex) husband didn't seem to have a problem with guilt, nor did her friends still in laurels, who helped her keep it a secret until she got knocked up (on purpose) and told the bishop 3 days before she was supposed to leave on her mission!

I think there is a lot more sex going on than most TBM parents would ever imagine. The girl in question also bragged to my ex about blow job contests with kids her age in the back of her mom's minivan, and group contests to see which couple would could go the farthest without actual penetration.