My sister is an inactive member (born into the church but not practicing, same as me). She is now engaged to a non-member who is considering baptizing to appease my persistent parents. Regardless of that, they are planning for a wedding in September at a park venue.

My father, however, has stated that he cannot walk her down the isle during her wedding. He kept saying, "it says so in the book"... which I have no idea what he is referring to.

He is an active, devoted, die-hard Mormon father. Is it true that he cannot walk my sister down the isle during her wedding?

Can someone enlighten me on this? My sister is rather torn up about it, and and I am not familiar with this "rule"...

Thanks!

Maybe the handbook of instruction number 2? Never heard of this before.

Bishop wouldn't let my bro-in-law walk my niece down the aisle in an LDS chapel. He also wouldn't let the bridesmaids or groomsmen stand up with the couple. It was lame.

I think it mostly depends on the bishop at the time.

Yeah, they aren't having their wedding in the chapel.

They're having their wedding at a park venue, and he is still insisting that he cannot walk her down the isle.

If it is not in the chapel, they can do whatever they want. LDS rules don't apply.

Exactly.

Call him on "the book".

Make him produce it.

That's ridiculous. They used to want people to be members for a year before going to the temple which would mean a year before the boyfriend and sister could be sealed. Yet, for this situation the marriage is church approved and time only "death til you part" and the Father should walk her daughter down the aisle.

If he's talking about the Bishop's handbook? I don't know what it says about "mixed" religion marriages, but I'm pretty sure (as bad and arrogant as the corporation is) it does not state that Fathers should not participate in the wedding party and ceremony.

Of course he can walk her down the aisle (as long as the wedding is not in an LDS ward house, which you've said it's not.) Your father is just being difficult. He is used to Mormon temple weddings where there *is* no aisle, no procession, no flowers, and no music.

Your sister can have any sort of wedding that she wants to. In fact, she will have a much nicer wedding outside of the temple. There are options for her if your dad digs in his heels. She can walk down the aisle by herself, perhaps preceded by a flower girl and bridesmaids. Or she can ask another family member (perhaps a brother, uncle, or grandfather,) to escort her. Or she can simply meet her husband at the front, by the minister or officiant.

Oh, and tell her that her fiancé does not need to be baptized into the Mormon church. They can both just enjoy their non-temple wedding. My recommendation would be for her *not* to use a Mormon bishop, because what the bishop might say to them is a toss-up. He might choose to make them feel badly for not marrying in the temple.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2015 06:43PM by summer.

Or the bride and groom can just walk in together.

Personally, I have a big chip on my shoulder about the patriarchal tradition of a man handing another person off to another man. All that tradition is about is a show of ownership. WHO owns the woman? Well, it WAS her dad, but he's now turning over responsibility for her (as if she can't handle responsibility for herself) to another man.

The message is women are property of men.

My dad hasn't taken care of me since I was 17. I'll be damned if I'll let him publicly claim ownership and responsibility for me and my well being. I hate this tradition almost as much as the garter toss/bouquet toss. That one is the WORST.

This is what happens when "obedience" to "rules" that aren't even rules takes precedence over family.
It's your daughter's wedding, and the father is a grown man. The two of them can do what they want at their wedding. If whomever is officiating makes up some "rule" they don't like, go find another officiant.

Friend of mine just got married. She is not active but still a member. He is a non member. Father walked her down the isle twice. The venue was also out side in a park. Father is very TBM. Served in all capacities in the church. Great guy.
Your dad is just being an A-...

He's confused. There's no rule like that in the handbook. He might also be ignorant or difficult. Somebody needs to put more pressure on him or something.

There ARE rules for weddings performed by Bishops and for weddings held in a Mormon Chapel. Rules are in CHI 1.

HOWEVER like all things Mormon you can already guess that the rules are designed to make a non-temple wedding LAME and without any fanfare. There's not supposed to be a wedding march etc. These rules are clearly designed to control the members and make sure they KNOW that a temple marriage is the only real marriage worth experiencing.

HOWEVER like all things Mormon the rules are made to be BROKEN and everything depends on the Bishop and the families involved.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2015 08:08PM by Doubting Thomas.

Another idea. Have your future Father inlaw walk you down. At this point he is probably a better father since his isn't judging you.

That is a truly wonderful idea!

This was my solution, too. Your sister can have someone else walk her down the aisle. Who says it has to be a man! YOU could walk her down the aisle, or your mother, or grandmother. The father-in-law is a great idea, or a grandfather or uncle.

It doesn't have to be an aisle. How about walking under a rose arbor, or down the patio steps, or into the room. After my awful temple wedding, my father walked me into the living room, while my old piano teacher played the wedding march. This deprived the bridesmaids of their walk, though.

What is an aisle? Create a pathway of beautiful potted flowers off to the side, across the front of the chairs, ending at the podium.

Stand up to your father, and be just as nit-picky as he is.

Evil, Just evil.

Can't, or won't?

We got married at my parent's farm on their patio. My old bishop who still had his licence married us and put no restrictions on the ceremony and I guarantee he's a better man than the self righteous father you describe. The jerk needs a tuneup and you can tell him Ron Burr says so!

RB



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/20/2015 08:18PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

Morg chapels don't even have a central aisle for brides to walk down. Nowadays they have two aisles on the sides of the chapel.

It is true that the handbook says in the CHAPEL you cannot do a processional. So her dad is simply misremembering. It has nothing to do with the wedding, just the location.

Fifty years ago my wife and I got married in the chapel and it looked pretty much like a Protestant ceremony with the procession and all. Our bishop was a good man. My wife and I were the only members in either family and our bishop was an understanding man who even set things up with the First Presidency for us to skip the one year wait and go straight to the temple three days drive away. He ended up being an Area Representative.

Heaven have Mercy. Change the location to the Beach and get a Licensed Marriage Practitioner to perform the wedding.

No, it is not true. My father-in-law walked my bride down the isle and we were married by the bishop of my mom's ward in bountiful. But this is awhile ago.

What you are describing would be a big change in policy. I know there has been some rumblings about requirements for bishops performing weddings.

All I've heard is that if it's not in a LDS chapel, there's no restrictions when it comes to a bride walking down the aisle with her father. I've heard that if there is a ring ceremony at the reception following a temple "sealing," that a procession down an aisle is not allowed as it makes it look too much like a non-Mormon wedding.

My grandmother used to use "The Good Book says:" excuse for all kinds of justification to control others. Simply ask for the book title,chapter and verse. I'll bet you anything that he won't be able to come up with anything. Call him on this so he knows he can't use that excuse in the future.

Turns out grandma had never read ANY religious books.

My very TBM cousin got married in their backyard. Her very TBM father walked her down the aisle. I didn't ask why they didn't do a temple wedding first. I'm guessing because the groom's family might not be TBM? The bishop that presided made sure to include that they plan on getting married in the temple at a future date.

Isn't it interesting that an LDS chapel does not have a middle aisle, but the temple ordinance room does have a middle aisle.

In Britain you have to get married in the Chapel first. As the Government doesnt accept Temple marriage as legal. Thats because to be legal they have to be open to the general public. So in the UK you have the procession, bridesmaids, best man, lots of music and confetti outside!

According to Handbook he can (the super secret one...).

You can find a copy of the 1999 version here (go to page 71-73).

http://www.provocation.net/chi/chi99.htm#

Also, just Google it and find an active link. I'd have posted more but alas I had a banned word in the other link.

TSCC has little minions that scour the Internet to do things threaten lawsuits over copyright to get stuff taken down when the can. If you know a sympathetic bishopric member they can access it online for you.

Btw, marriage and other life event rituals should be viewed as public shaming rituals that use non-participating Mormons as 'props' to keep the 'faithful' in line.

Can you say "cult"

I've been to a couple of weddings held in a Mormon chapel. (Both were in the RS room.) Both times the father of the bride walked his daughter down the aisle.

In the East, it's very popular to be married by a good friend or loved one. I don't know where you are located, but people here become Universal Life Ministers through this organization.

http://www.themonastery.org/landing/get-ordained?gclid=CKbytqK07MYCFZFgfgodUy4FdQ

If it works in your state, it seems to me it would be lovely if you performed the ceremony for your sister!

No silly rules -- she can do it her way. Plus, no talk of how it will be great when it's done in the temple for eternity, blah, blah, blah.

Additionally, in the Jewish faith, both parents walk both the bride and the groom down the aisle and to the chuppa. That has always struck me as a very nice way to honor the parents of both the bride and groom.

Dh and I were married by the bishop of my ward. He was a very kind and caring person as well as a singer in the Tab Choir and an occasional community theater actor. He did a lovely ceremony for us with nothing demeaning whatsoever in it. But, if I had it to do over, I would not be married by a bishop.

Not walking your daughter down the aisle is avoiding the very appearance of evil. It's sort of like not going to Starbucks to get a hot chocolate. This type of thinking is very popular with Mormons and five year olds.

My sister got married two years ago, and she was an inactive member marrying a non-member. Their wedding was at a golf course. My father (not completely TBM) walked her down the aisle. Also, one of the guys from the ward got ordained online and performed the ceremony. No problems.

Now, for my wedding 14 years ago, we did the temple ceremony first and then a ring ceremony afterwards. I got a big surprise (10 minutes before the ring ceremony!) about my father not being able to walk me down the aisle since I was already married ("It's in the book"). I had to walk down with him on one side and my husband on the other. That was devastating to me, since my father wasn't able to attend the temple wedding.