Posted by:
ExmoDad
(
)
Date: August 03, 2015 01:08PM
I left the Church about three years ago. My wife and kids are all still active. My oldest son is 16. When I left the Church, I had a couple of brief chats with him about why I left, but he quickly told me that he didn’t want to hear anything negative about the Church. I have honored that request, and since that day, he and I had not discussed religion at all. We have a good, close relationship, and have discussions about a variety of topics on a regular basis, but we don’t bring up religion. He goes to Church and does his thing; I stay home from Church and do my thing; and we have a mutual respect for each other’s beliefs.
Shortly after I left the Church, I told the bishop that I wanted him to agree to the following conditions regarding holding interviews with my kids:
1) I wanted to be present at all interviews. He, or other Church leaders, could not interview any of my kids without me present.
2) He could not ask any of my kids any question related to sexuality except “Do you live the law of chastity?”
The bishop agreed, and I have sat in on all of my kids’ interviews with priesthood leaders. I think this has been very beneficial. None of my kids have seemed to mind having me there, and I like hearing the counsel they’re getting.
A couple of days ago, my 16-year-old son and I were home alone together. We were talking about various things, and then he said he had something to ask me. He wanted to know why I left the Church, so that he could know the details and figure out for himself whether he wanted to stay in the Church or not. This came as a bit of a surprise. He’s been a model Mormon boy. He was deacons quorum president and teacher’s quorum president. Several people have raved to me about the amazing talks he gives in Church. He was even invited to speak in a Stake Priesthood meeting. He’s given every indication that he plans on going on a mission and attending BYU.
So I shared with him a little about my journey out of the Church, and discussed briefly some of the main issues that caused me to no longer believe. I told him that there was a period of time, shortly after I left the Church, that I had a great desire for the rest of my family to leave the Church as well, but that I no longer felt that way. Whatever he felt would make him happy, I would be supportive. I asked him what he thought about what I had shared, and he said that it would be pretty hard to argue against some of the evidence I had brought up, but he wanted to sleep on it.
The next day was Sunday, and he stayed after Church for a little while. He said that their lesson in priests quorum that day was, coincidentally, about struggling with issues related to Church history. The bishop was teaching the lesson, and he said that the young men should feel free to talk with him about any concerns they had. After the meeting was over, my son approached the bishop and said that he had just talked to his dad the night before about Church history stuff, and he had some questions. So the bishop met with him for about 30 minutes right after church.
My son talked with me later that day about his conversation with the bishop. He said the bishop didn’t have much time, but they talked a little about how Satan was trying to lead him away from the truth, and that he should focus on studying the scriptures and praying. He said that he was planning on meeting with the bishop again in a couple of weeks.
It was later that I realized that the bishop had not abided by our agreement that he never meet with our kids without me present. But I kind of think I’m OK with my son talking with the bishop without me. My son had requested the meeting (instead of the bishop calling him in for a worthiness interview). My son is genuinely trying to figure out his religious beliefs, and I don’t want him to think I’m trying to sway him to my way of thinking by insisting that I be present during his chat with the bishop.
I think I’m going to email the bishop, telling him that I’m OK with him meeting with my son about this topic. I’ll ask (insist, in fact) that nothing of a sexual nature be discussed without me there, but that I’m fine with my son getting another perspective on religion from someone with different views than his dad.
Any thoughts? Is it wise to allow my son to meet alone with the bishop under these circumstances?