I now know for sure that although DIL in WA posted several nasty comments to me as thought4u on duder's post, "sense of loss", the name of "fedup" was NOT hers.

It was you, fedup, I know exactly who you are, and it is only fair to let you know that I know.

You may want to review carefully my post "to all of my TBM kids that spy on me here: a piece of my mind", because I absolutely mean the words I wrote there.

I do love you fedup, I always have, and you have many wonderful qualities, but I have reached a point in my life where I have finally realized that I NO longer love my children enough to allow them to disrespect me.

Things need to change, and they will, either for better or worse, with each individual family. In this case it is up to you.

I have turned a corner in my life, and will not ever again reward any child for bad behavior. I have gained a new respect for DIL in WA for after being called out, she humbled herself and did a very hard and courageous thing, and I do know she told me the truth.

You are a smart and sometimes conniving person, the one who took a few minutes to post innocently as a TBM under 2 or 3 posts here, before you began to confront me on duder's "sense of loss" post, telling me how I should think and feel about things.
How anger is so very wrong, etc. The board pulled your original post because of the meanness of it's content. That is not allowed from obvious TBM's here on this site. It is a place for exmormons to express their true feelings, hurts, frustrations, anger or anything else they may care to share.

You cannot expect to come here, onto my safe place, and expect never to be offended by another's words or even my own. I will never apologize for things I have said here.

First of all your own prophet has told you NOT to come here, but if you choose to disobey him, you need to understand that those of us who post here from all over the world, do not know one another personally and most post under anonymous names. It is rather like writing in a personal diary, only to find my children have sneeked into my room and read it. This is my safe place. Come at your risk, but do not speak to me of it ever, for I will not censor my words or feelings here.

My coming here on this site to converse with people that understand me and believe as I do, and accept me always, even if I happen to be feeling angry at the time, is a MOST appropriate thing for me to do. Without this place to turn to in my most difficult and darkest days, I do not know how I would have ever survived the shunning and hurt that I have received from friends and family alike after leaving the mormon church.

Mormons think that people only leave their church if they are sinning, have been offended, or are possessed of the devil. This is wrong. To stand up and leave because I no longer believed was the hardest thing, by far, I have ever done it my life, far harder than the divorce that followed, and even my father's death at the very young age of 10. It honestly took more integrity and courage for me to leave than I am sure you can possibly imagine. Leaving because one no longer believes is an honest and very good reason to leave any church or organization behind.

I have a question for you. How would you feel if you, for instance, were having a child baptized, and did not want me there, which, BTW, is totally understandable and fine with me, but how would you feel if I sneeked around and learned of the time and location for the event and just showed up, uninvited? Mormon churches are, after all, public places. Then afterward, how would you feel if I made comment to you in a negative way ( or yet worse gossiped behind your back ) about what was done or said there? What if you shared your testimony and I criticized you for saying certain things?

I am sure you can see that my doing so would be absolutely no different than what you have done to me here. This board is MY safe place, though it IS definitely public, just as your churches are your sacred but public places. I know you can see and understand the direct parallels in these two situations.

Like I said, your churches are YOUR sacred places, and I am fine with not being there, would NEVER think of showing up uninvited, as that is just wrong and disrespectful. If I were invited and did attend, I would NEVER confront or criticize you for being there in the first place, and certainly not mock or criticize you for anything said or done that I might disagree with.
You are extremely smart, and I know you see and understand what I am saying. Again, I do love you, but I have grown very weary of your sticking your nose into my business, as this is not the first time.

Many months ago I made a commitment to myself and to my children to stop the gossip, and to never again comment on one of my kids to another behind their back, to keep a confidence perfectly, and I have kept that promise to myself and to each of you. On one occasion last year I could have thrown you under the bus to one of the others for something you said to me about them, but instead chose to remain quiet and never reveal what you said. And I never will.

I will never again discuss a problem I may be having with one of you with another sibling, and only ask for the same respect from each of you, that you stop the gossiping and backbiting about me between yourselves and come to me directly if you have an issue with me, or if you would rather not do that, then just let it go. It is wrong, and I was wrong when I did such things on occasion in the past. I really did not see the damage that this backdoor way of dealing with things ( gossip) was causing in our family.

I am well aware of what is currently being said about me, and the truth is, you only know one side of the story and are completely in the dark about what my side is, because I refuse to gossip about it behind the back of the person it directly involves.

What you know at this point is half of a story, filled with partial truths and distortions. Besides that fact, it is just none of your business.

I believe that gossip is the most insidious and common sin among mormon women, generally couched in the words, " I am SO concerned about ___so and so_____," and I was no exception as a TBM woman. But I have learned a better way.

Confront the person with whom you have issue. Don't try and be sneaky and talk with others in the family behind their back. It is only fair to let someone know if they have offended you. It is the right way to deal with hurt feelings and the only way I will deal with my children from hereon out.

Talking to your friends about me, friends that do not and most likely never will know me does not concern me. As well if you come here invited you may recognize yourself in words I say that are not always kind, words I would never speak to your face, or the family or your friends or to anyone that I believed knew or ever might come to know you. That is the reason I post under a fictitious name, so that I can say what I really do feel, without worry of offending, and if you come looking here, in disobedience to your prophet you cannot expect to never be offended.

The same goes for those of my children who would NEVER think of disobeying their prophet and coming here, but are apparently more than happy to receive copy and pastes at any time from those of you that have no problem with it.

When one self righteously receives a copy and paste from this forum, it is no different than taking money from someone that you KNOW is stolen money. It is exactly the same thing, and your sin in the eyes of your God is no less than those that come here directly, against the warnings of your church and the man you believes speaks for God.

Every one needs a place to vent, but when family members vent to one another about a different family member, well THAT is what I consider gossip, and what I am trying to put a stop to in our family. I am trying my best to set that example, as these types of behaviors are what tear families apart.

DIL in WA has come completely clean with me, and her apology was unlike anything I have ever heard from her before. It was heartfelt and honest. I have gained a far greater love and respect for her than I have ever had before, because she humbled herself and did the right,though very difficult,thing.
When she first told me that fedup was NOT her, I doubted her words, but now I know for sure that she was indeed telling me the truth. I repeat, I have NO doubt about who you are. I hope you will choose to follow her example, but that is for you to decide.



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2011 10:07PM by think4u.

You're being so strong and doing it with such grace. I have learned SO much from you. I just wanted to let you know that your posts really do make a difference for so many of us here.

Well that just made my day. How very kind of you. I have not posted back to you often, because I have not much advice to give, but I do know of your recent surgery, is that right?, and hope all is well with you now. I, as have enjoyed reading many of your posts. I can empathize with so much of what you say, because I have a gay sister, whom I love dearly, but she is not completely out about it. It was so very awful for her when my brother stake pres. was down here in Calif. picketing against her rights on the coast hwy, about that prop 8 issue. My heart just aches for her at times and the way people treat her in Utah where she lives.

Anyway, thanks for the nice compliment, so very kind. And now I am off to the beach again for the day. Have a good one! thinky

They're going in to cauterize some nerves in my lower back. I think I'd rather chew off my own nipples, but hey, if it helps get rid of the pain long-term, it's worth it.

Give your sister a hug for me, and let her know she's not alone. Living here in Utah is so heinous at times, but tell her to hang in there.

Enjoy the beach!

Great post think4u. Thoughtful,to the point, helps set the record straight. Looking forward to the California sun, walks on the beach,pizza and seagulls, and you. See ya soon.