My family and I visited Utah last week. It was our first time back in 9 years. While we were there, my inlaws took us to the cemetery to show us their headstone. It's actually in the cemetery with their names and kid's names, etc. No one is buried yet, they're both in their early 70s. Their birthdates are there and obviously they'll have to add the date of death later.

I've heard of pre-planning your funeral. I've even heard of picking out your headstone. But I've never known anyone to actually have it set up in their cemetery plot before they're dead. They don't have any family buried there already, they're just ready I guess. Is this an old people thing that I just don't know about? Is it a Mormon thing? A Utah thing? Maybe they're just crazy. It seems odd.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2015 12:45AM by txnevermo.

It's unusual but convenient and considerate.

I'm not sure, but my mom had a duel headstone done when my dad died with all her information on it except for the death date. On the back she had the names of us kids (ugh).

It sat that way for 15+ years until she died. I guess it was OK. At least we knew where she wanted to be buried and all we had to do was have the date updated.

I wonder if the funeral homes suggest doing this or something. It seems less weird if someone is already dead I guess. At 70 I suppose they just want to be prepared.

My parents were Mormon, and the graves were in Utah. Even though they lived their married life in CA, they wanted to be buried in UT "among the prophets" (double ugh).

Visited my late bro on law's grave in the National Military Cemetery in Ottawa and was surprised to see my sister's name there too.... "Beloved Wife XXXX". He arranged all this when he knew he was terminally ill. I doubt she is going to be buried there given she is much happier with Number 2 and Number 1 it turned out cheated on her, a lot.

I will purchase and place my stone for the family plot once a couple of bitchy Aunts I do not speak to croak. The space was given to me by another late aunt in return for being the co executor of her will. It was one of four bought in 1963 when my Uncle died at 28, my grandparents were buried in the other two plots in 1969 and 1977 and no one was going to use this plot anyways so I might as well.....the two bitches would make life miserable for any and all if I had the plot marked now though I should just to set them off. I will be cremated and the ashes put there.

It creeped me out when I saw my name and those of the other siblings were on the back of Mom's headstone. (Dad was added to the front when he died.) It's not like we will be buried there. There's no room. It's like they're too eager for the rest of us to die, too.

Grandmother on settling a discussion of who was going to be buried where, as they were short of spaces for everyone.

She said, "When I die, I want to be cremated and buried on top of Grandpa (her husband). After all he spent enough time on top of her."

That is hilarious!

I've heard of preplanned and paid for funeral plans, as that's what my Catholic grandparents did over a decade before my grandpa died. That included the double plot, and the headstone is one of those that has both of my grandparents' names and birthdates on it. When my grandpa died, his date of death was added, then last year when my grandma died, after she was buried, her date of death was added to her side of the stone. Apparently, at that cemetery, they have someone come out a few times a year to do the engraving on headstones, so it was a couple of months before the date was added after my grandma's funeral.

The only thing I know is that since everything was already paid for, when each grandparent died, it just required a phone call to the funeral home to set everything in action. That also included having someone take over the clothing they would be buried in, since my family considers dressing the person to be part of the duties of the funeral home staff like most non-Mormons in western culture do.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2015 02:55AM by adoylelb.

Two siblings have already purchased plots and have had head stones installed. I think I understand where they are coming from but head stones, grave yards are simply too grim for me.

Parents/siblings are buried in some of the prettiest, well kept cemeteries in the state of Ut. but I find visiting or even driving past them too morbid for my tastes. I use to take flowers to decorate the graves but I found the finality of the experience to cross grain. I find embalming repulsive.

So.... I have determined that I am not going to end up there. I am choosing cremation. Let the ashes become dust in the wind. I prefer to find my solace in pausing whenever, where ever I am. when I am feeling light hearted, free, full of love, experiencing the surprises and delights of living and and of life. Then is when I pause and take additional delight in the memories of past friends and family members.

"Let's go fly a kite" is my idea of having a fine funeral and pondering fine acquaintance's and friends. Going to, spending time in the cemeteries is simply too much of a downer for me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2015 06:41AM by dejavue.

I think making any kind of final arrangements befpore death is kind and unselfish. It eases the burden of the survivors.
A few years ago I got together the papers and had them notarized for my body to be left to the nearby medical university. The students work on the body for a couple of years then cremate it. The family may claim the remains or the school will bury remains in their cemetary behind the school. Every spring they have a service to honor those who donated their bodies.
I feel very good about this as do my children.
Some people tell me this is creepy, but its just a body. I dont care if they put a party hat and pasties on it.

Aquarius123:

I have no heirs or living family so this - donating my body to a school is what seems the best. There really isn't anyone to take care of things for me and nobody is ever going to visit my grave - there ain't nobody!

But do YOU call the medical school or is this something a funeral service does? If so, how do you identify such a company? Did you have to retain an attorney to legitimize your choice?

So how did you go about making the arrangements? Thanks very much!!!! The few friends I have are very uncomfortable when I have brought this question up - I don't have anyone to ask.

I am leaving my entire estate (not much but a paid off home) to the mom of some former students. She has promised to make sure my beloved old dogs don't suffer and calls me every week to make sure I am still kicking (oops - I meant feeding the dogs) LOL!!

Seriously, this is something I really worry about! When I was in the church, I knew the Bishop would probably have to take care of this mess but now that I am really on my own - what do I do? Thanks again for any suggestions . . .

Geezerdogmom, if you want to donate to a medical school contact them now - many of them are 'full up' for years into the future. If the one closest to you doesn't take donations, keep trying others. The big medical schools here have an annual memorial service at the end of the term and invite families and the university community.

I know someone who has chosen to make a contribution to forensic anthropology by going to the famous 'body farm' at the University of Tennessee, where they do critically important science that helps identify and solve murders and train criminal investigators. There are similar facilities in CO, TX, NC and IL.

Here in the South people will very occasionally buy their stone in advance, to make sure their preferred spot is saved, to reduce their family's burden or, in the case of one of my relatives, just so they can pick it out themselves (and show it off proudly until needed.) Unless the funeral home owns the cemetery and monument company, they're not making any money off this. Seems like a bad idea to me - what if you move, or if the cemetery management goes to hell?

Putting the children's names on the stone is kind of a Mormon thing - people don't do that much around here. I have just enough Southern superstition in me that it weirds me out just a little, even considering the geneaology imperative.

My family rests in a small, private cemetary in a rural environment. For reasons to numerous to mention, plots sometimes are taken by persons besides the rightful owners, so, when a family makes pre-arrangements, they sometimes go ahead and place a stone to ensure that there is no mistaking a vacant plot for "available". It is not a common occurrence, but trumatic when it happens, so, a place saver serves many purposes...

I am grateful my Catholic father made pre-arrangements like this. People from many faiths pre-plan because it's sometimes hard to make sound financial decisions when one is in shock because of a sudden death in the family. Many funeral homes try to use your grief to make you pay for things you don't even need.

The absolute worst case scenario happened to my someone in my husband's family. An infamous local cemetery would dig up old bodies like yesterday's trash (those with unmarked graves), dispose of them in garuesome ways, and then use that plot to bury someone recently deceased. It was a huge scandal and many people sued the cemetery's parent company.

Of course, they did this in a community that had a lower socio-economic profile.

Although it may seem morbid to pre-plan, the above scenario is far more disturbing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/09/2015 12:17PM by Senoritalamanita.

I think it's a considerate thing to do. Trying to find an appropriate graveyard, stone, etc. can be trying when you are also grieving the death of a loved one.

When my dad died, my brother arranged for the burial. The stone that he selected had my mother's name and birth date on it as well. After she died many years later, we buried her beside my dad.

It was interesting to see how the graveyard had changed over the years. At the time that my dad died, it was rather plain looking, and I honestly didn't care for it. But by the time we buried my mom, the trees that were planted there had matured, and for the first time I noticed the loveliness of the setting, beside a winding river. I wouldn't mind being buried there myself.

I've heard of purchasing plots and headstones ahead. I've heard of instructing what you want inscribed. I've never heard of actually having the headstone installed with inscription ahead of time, other than when it's going to be a double with both spouses and one has already died. And really, that's kind of 'false advertising'. It also seems kind of morbid.

Hey, geezerdogmom!
I just called the medical university, and they sent me the papers. There were 3 sheets to fill out. 3 witnesses signatures, then one notary stamp were the only requirements. No lawyers needed. I got a thank you letter and a card to carry around to let whomever know to call the university medical school. It was easy and free!
If you go in hospital and they adk if you are anorgan donor show them the card.
You sound like such a sweet person. Best wishes to you.

Oh, and the witnesses did not have to be together or in front of notary.

Oh so easy! University of Florida, here I come!

Thank you!

Mine would say Currently not in, please visit later.

I volunteer at a local cemetery. I want to point out that if you have a stone all set and if you do not have descendants or friends around who will handle arrangements, be sure to leave instructions and payment to have the date of death added. I walk around our cemetery and see many stones where the one spouse has died and the other one has probably passed on (or else is still alive at 120 years old) but there is no date for the second one. If you don't have children or an executor to make sure it is done, it won't happen on its own.

It's a good idea, but my family doesn't even put the name on until the person dies. A married couple often place a double stone when the first spouse dies, but only engraves the name of the remaining one when they actually die. To do otherwise seems a bit macabre.

Dad and us boys chose the headstone after Mom passed in '96. His date of death was added after he passed in 2000. No worries.

RB

We do it here in TN. It especially happens when a husband or wife dies and the headstone is first put down. The manufacturer just goes ahead and puts in the other spouse's name, birthdate, etc. Same for my grandparents. Granny was born in 1881 and Granddad died first. Her side of the marker had her name, birthdate, and a blank for the death date. I used to wonder how it made her feel to see that. She died in 1974, which was added to the marker.

An optimist would never do this because he/she would hope to be taken up without death at the 2nd coming. BTW, I aim to live to 126.

I've had this happen in my family and none were Mormon.

My ex mother in law had a double stone made when her husband died, her name is on the stone and just needs her date of death added.

However she is now remarried and lives several states away so who knows if she will actually be buried there.

In my husbands family, this is where things get a little weird! My husband already has a stone in place, his parents bought grave sites for all of their children when his brother passed away. This happened before we ever met and his parents were wanting to be sure everyone would be buried there together.

His mother mentioned it to me and said they didn't buy an extra plot since that was before they knew about me, well of course they didn't because we hadn't even met back then. Fortunately in this cemetery people can be buried one on top of another, but to be honest I'm not wanting that. I've already told my husband I want to be cremated and please scatter my ashes somewhere pretty.

If he dies before me, I will have his ashes placed there at the cemetery, unless he ever tells me he wants them placed somewhere else. His mother is now buried there also, his father and sisters are still living but their stones are in place just like my husbands.

My mother pre planned for her death and had all her arrangements made. We already had a family plot where my father and brother were buried. She did not have her stone in place ahead of time, but did have it arranged and worded the way she wanted. I do think it is a kindness to plan for this, it lets family know what your wishes really are and you're not left guessing if you're doing the right thing.

just throw my body on the compost pile so that it may do some good.

I am no longer Mormon and I shall be cremated upon my demise. My ashes will then be placed in the columbarium behind the altar in my new church. The wife will join me at the appropriate time. I have told my priest to make sure that when we both are placed together that I be placed on top. My wife gives me the "look" whenever I say this. The kids won't have to handle this and it should help them out when the time comes.

My grandma had a headstone for 30 years before she died. My grandpa died in 1975, and she bought a joint tombstone for them both. Her name was etched on it, missing her death date, until she died in 2006.

My grandmother did. Good thing she did or we might not have found the right place. None of us had been to that cemetery in over 20 years when she died. Have not been back since. Not sure if the death date is recorded or not.

You could dance on their graves while they watch.

When my wife passed I got a companion stone and put my name on it as well. Some might think it's "a bit macabre", but I want everyone to know who her husband is. I don't fear death; what I do worry about a little is how it is going to happen.

It's seems creepy to me, but I'm glad they've arranged everything. Maybe the fact that the marker is already there will keep this from happening...

When my Grandma was buried, we had her funeral and everyone left town. I lived there at the time, so after the stone was placed, my mom asked me to go and check to make sure it was all right. I went to where the grave was supposed to be (next to Grandpa) and it wasn't there. They had buried her in the wrong spot! So they had to dig her up and rebury her. Poor Grandma. She would have thought it was hilarious. No one noticed during the funeral because they had all that grassy carpet covering the nearby graves.

I can see the point in buying the headstone, but not having all the names put on it. What if you predecease your spouse and they remarry? Super awkward. And putting the kids' names on it seems possessive and presumptious as well as creepy. They're going to grow up, maybe get married, make their own families. Why would they want to be buried with mum and dad?

Just weird, to me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/10/2015 03:40AM by cattofthegarage.