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Posted by: whiteandelightsome ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 07:56PM

You'd think that three muscular immortal Hebrews would be a lot more useful to today's society.

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Posted by: ificouldhietokolob ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 07:58PM

Gee, I don't know. Once I was short a quarter for a soda, and the person behind me handed me a quarter...surely that HAD to be one of the three Nephites, right? That's something!

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Posted by: Queen of Denial ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 01:21AM

I raise you a truck full of super sexy Nephites:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,143673,143673#msg-143673

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Posted by: brandywine ( )
Date: August 20, 2015 12:09AM

Those are my kind of Nephites!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 08:01PM

You think they still hang out together?

You think they ever fought over the same woman?

Do angels minister to them or do they have to pick grapes for a living?

Imagine tying to mug one of them!

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 08:11PM

Excellent point. I mean, even when I was paying my tithing and trying to mind my P's and Q's, did they help me out?

No and No again. One night, while I was working on a Sunday School lesson (should I repeat that....I mean here I was doing what I should be doing) and voila, I took a dreadful fall that those three hunks of men could have saved me from. I literally stepped off into nowhere, falling down 12 to 15 steep steps because, you know, with my mind on that church lesson I forgot I had not closed the floor opening to the old dirt-lined basement room.

Jeesh....I sure could have used their magic.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 08:15PM

Official Nephite sighting reports ...


http://www.nowscape.com/mormon/thank-nephite-report.htm

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Posted by: brandywine ( )
Date: August 20, 2015 12:13AM

People really believe all this silliness?!

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: August 20, 2015 01:32AM

It's really easy, when you're TBM. After all, as much as ghawd loves us, and since we're the best generation EVER (til we had kids), it makes excellent TBM sense that ghawd would have the 3 Nephites watching out for us.

I even had an episode where I thought, maybe...?

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Posted by: masonfree ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 11:49PM

They're probably busily taking the bodybuilding and strength-athletics world by storm. Judging by those old Arnold Friberg paintings I'd speculate there might be another set of plates out there containing every ancient secret of theirs for becoming freaky huge! It's too bad we can't get that seer stone out of that vault, find something along these lines, and give the thing a more practical purpose on a translating project. Imagine how peculiar the church would look with three superhuman personal trainers and with all the membership sporting 20 inch guns! ;-)

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Posted by: poopstone ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 04:32AM

"the church of the big guns of latter day saints" I like that. That could be the new selling point, if investigators don't like the BOM then they can lust after all the eye candy. Hey what ever sells and get's them in the pews, right?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2015 04:32AM by poopstone.

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Posted by: themaster ( )
Date: August 17, 2015 11:57PM

The 3 Nephites help Mormon Royalty all the time. They help them with important things like finding car keys. For those that are not direct descendants of Jesus like Mormon Royalty, the 3 Nephites are not available to help you.

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Posted by: Imbolc ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 03:00PM

Yet they couldn't do the one thing they were supposed to do: Keep the priesthood on the Earth. Joseph had to go to all the trouble to bring it all back, even though they got to live forever until Jesus comes again. Key finding and eating lunches are about all they are good for.

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Posted by: Razortooth ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 01:10AM

Their actual names are Moe, Larry and Curly, and they really made me laugh back in the forties and fifties. For that I am grateful. In fact to this day when someone mentions the three Nephites I start laughing.

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Posted by: Doubting Thomas ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 03:30PM

Love it. Not a fan of the Three Stooges (before my time), but I like the connection you make to the Three Nephites and that it makes you laugh.

Everyone here could take a lesson from you. Associate Mormon doctrinal points or Book of Mormon characters with something absurdly funny.

Then when you hear the doctrine or name you immediately smile or bust out laughing.

Zelph? Bahahaha!

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Posted by: brandywine ( )
Date: August 20, 2015 12:15AM

I agree. We all need to find ways to laugh at all this ridiculousness. :)

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Posted by: isthechurchtrue ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 02:16AM

Mormon Jesus also gave John The Beloved immortality in D&C 7:1-3.
"1 And the Lord said unto me: John, my beloved, what desirest thou? For if you shall ask what you will, it shall be granted unto you.
2 And I said unto him: Lord, give unto me power over death, that I may live and bring souls unto thee.
3 And the Lord said unto me: Verily, verily, I say unto thee, because thou desirest this thou shalt tarry until I come in my glory, and shalt prophesy before nations, kindreds, tongues and people."

Joseph Smith liked the idea of invincible Mormons walking around. It raises the question with immortal Mormon apostles then how could there have been a great apostasy? Also why didn't they just give Joseph Smith the priesthood, gold plates (with English Translation), etc...?

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Posted by: CTRringturnsmyfingergreen ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 10:03AM

Are the 3 Nephites found in scripture or are they a folklore thing created by a kooky Apostle?

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Posted by: brandywine ( )
Date: August 20, 2015 12:17AM

They are mentioned in 3 Nephi. The sightings are Mormon folklore.

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Posted by: Shummy ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 10:19AM

LDS stories of the Three Nephites comprise one of the most striking religious legend cycles in the United States. Bearing some resemblance to stories of the prophet Elijah in Jewish lore, or of the Christian saints in the Catholic tradition, Three Nephite accounts are nevertheless distinctly Mormon. Part of a much larger body of LDS traditional narratives (see Folklore), these stories are not official doctrine and are not published in official literature. They are based on the Book of Mormon account of Christ's granting to three Nephite disciples, during his visit to the New World following his death and resurrection, the same wish he had earlier granted to John the Beloved-to "tarry in the flesh" in order to bring souls to him until his second coming (John 21:22; 3 Ne. 28:4-9). The Book of Mormon account states: "And they [the Three Nephites] are as the angels of God, and…can show themselves unto whatsoever man it seemeth them good. Therefore, great and marvelous works shall be wrought by them, before the great and coming day [of judgment]" (3 Ne. 28:30-31; see also Book of Mormon: Third Nephi).

As the newly founded Church grew in numbers, an ever-increasing body of stories began circulating among the people, telling of kindly old men, usually thought to be these ancient Nephite disciples, who had appeared to individuals in physical or spiritual distress, helped them solve their problems, and then suddenly disappeared.

Because they span a century and a half of LDS history, these narratives mirror well the changing physical and social environments in which Latter-day Saints have met their tests of faith. For example, in pre-World War II agrarian society, the stories told of Nephites' guiding pioneer trains to water holes, saving a rancher from a blizzard, providing herbal remedies for illnesses, plowing a farmer's field so that he could attend to Church duties, or delivering food to starving missionaries. In the contemporary world, the stories tell of Nephites' leading LDS genealogists to difficult library resources, pulling a young man from a lake after a canoeing accident and administering artificial respiration, stopping to fix a widow's furnace, guiding motorists lost in blizzards, comforting a woman who has lost her husband and daughter in an airplane crash, and pulling missionaries from a flaming freeway crash.

Even though the settings of the newer stories have moved from pioneer villages with a country road winding past to urban settings with freeways sounding noisily in the background, some circumstances have remained constant. In the stories, the Three Nephites continue to bless people and, in telling these stories, Latter-day Saints continue to testify to the validity of Church teachings and to encourage obedience to them. The stories continue to provide the faithful with a sense of security in an unsure world, persuading them that just as God helped righteous pioneers overcome a hostile physical world, so will he help the faithful endure the evils of urban society. Taken as a whole, then, the stories continue to provide understanding of the hearts and minds of Latter-day Saints and of the beliefs that move them to action.


http://mormonthink.com/glossary/three-nephites.htm

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 12:07PM

Well, they do prove, by their existence, that the true gospel was never taken from the earth as Joseph Smith claims. It really stinks when one of your made up stories contradicts another one of your made up stories, doesn't it Joseph?

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Posted by: verilyverily ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 03:14PM

ANd they say that MORON-I was the last Nephite standing...
Remember that the Lamanites killed ALL Nephites except MORON-I. CA girl is so right!

MORON-I was not the last one standing. He wasn't even the last Italian Nephite standing, HA HA. The Three Nephites were standing too (and JOhn the Baptist) which means there was NO GREAT APOSTACY.

The great Apostacy (according to the CULT) was when there were no more Nephites to carry on the gospel.
Not only have the 3 done nothing, but they didn't even die (like they were supposed to) to make the great Apostacy happen.

Since there was no Apostacy, there was no need for JS except the 3 Nephites were too lazy to restore the gospel that never needed restoring since they were there the entire time. See what your CULT friends have to say about that!!
The Three Nephites are serious losers and slackers. Typical CULT crap. Perhaps they turned down their "Callings."

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Posted by: Doubting Thomas ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 03:26PM

I'd love to ask Jeff Holland about the "Three Nephites" on camera and watch his body language as he details his knowledge of this group of immortal men from ancient America.

Give us the detail oh wise prophet, seer and revealer.

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Posted by: isthechurchtrue ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 04:52PM

Why do we need men to be "living prophets" when we already have immortal prophets roaming the world? They must have been really busy because they didn't even bother showing up for the grand finally Joseph Smith was setting up. The problem is that the reason Mormon Jesus granted them immortality was to preach the Gospel to as many people as possible yet Mormons claim that the Gospel was lost and the priesthood was not held by anyone on earth for nearly 1400 years. Plus if a God really descended from the sky and granted immortality to 3 men then it would have been a much bigger deal then the Book of Mormon makes it out to be.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 05:06PM


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Posted by: druid ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 11:02PM

You have to assume the Three Nephites had their calling and election made sure. Which means they can't get into trouble for slacking off all these years. They are just your typical Arch angels running amuck. As long as they don't commit the unpardonable sin of sheading innocent blood,they can commit any sin they can think of and not jeopardize their salvation.

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Posted by: leftfield ( )
Date: August 18, 2015 08:04PM

My two teammates and I ended up playing them in the southwest regional of the NBA-sponsored 3-on-3 league in 1984.

They beat us handily, not because they were great shooters, but because they really came to pass.


Thank you very much. I'll be here all weekend. Try the veal and don't forget to tip your waiters.

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Posted by: brandywine ( )
Date: August 20, 2015 12:18AM

Funny^^^ :)

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