Feeling spiritually unmoored and a bit lost due to recent personal events; missing the built in community and (false) comfort of Mormonism, the structure of church, etc.

Don't need lecturing. I know this is stupid and I'm just reacting to the false feeling of security and predictability I had at church. I know it's false. What can I do instead to assuage this random but intense desire? Other options? Things to remind myself of?

Either go to the mountains or go to the ocean. Both of those will recharge your spiritual side.

try Jeezus (srs)

"I'm just reacting to the false feeling of security and predictability I had at church"

If you like/need the false sense of security and predictability, go for it. Take and use what they have to offer.

But...

Make sure/certain that you NEVER - EVER - give them another penny of your money.

Whatever you like, be it books, gardening, hiking, etc. A group will give you community with people with whom you have MUCH more in common than Mormons, AND structure (meetings, outings, events, etc.).

Why? If you really want to, then go. Just don't get enmeshed

Go ahead and go back. Just make sure to verbalize to them that you've figured out that it's false. Their reaction will help purge you of a desire to return.

Most people have more than one thing that ties them to their church. You can realize that it's built on fallacies and falsehoods and that only cuts the intellectual tie. Social and emotional ties will remain however. People who are then isolated socially then only need to break the habit and excuse themselves from going.

In the end: take back your mind, your money, your weekend, your family...your life. It's all yours, not theirs

All of the things that you list are freely available in the real world. You just have to decide whether you want to expend a small amount of energy to get something that is real, or expend no energy and go back to the fake community and fake friendships and fake happiness of TSCC.

If you want those things enough to do a little work to get them, join clubs, volunteer, visit other groups that meet regularly --- even open-minded religious/philosophical groups like the U-U's, who welcome everybody, including non-Christians and atheists.

It's all out there.
Throw yourself into a few of them. You'll find the ones that work for you, and you'll find real friends and plenty of ways to fill up empty time.

Identify the unique situations and times which mean "spiritually moored" to YOU...

...you've probably got a collection of them in your consciousness and memory and being...the times when "all is right with [your inner] world" and you feel whole and complete and at [inner] peace.

One of mine is a certain kind of sunset, at certain times of the year, in places I have either lived or been during my life. There is a certain way the sun slants as it is on its way to setting...the temperature is "perfect"...there is a certain kind of warm and soothing breeze gently moving through the palm trees and the oak trees...and it looks and feels and SMELLS (!!!) like the idyllic final scenes in the endless Westerns which were often filmed in these very locations. In those moments, I become "eternal," because those moments happened thousands of years ago, and will (unless interfered with) happen thousands of years in our future---and I am both a participant, and simultaneously a witness, to the eternity of this particular, idyllic, Southern California reality.

Another time for me is when I am interacting on a certain level with animals (and they could be pets...or wild animals like birds or lizards or snakes or squirrels or possums or raccoons).

Yet another time for me is when, during a time when no one else is there (like a mid-week afternoon), I step inside the Hindu [Vedanta] temple I grew up in. The smell (a bit of incense...and getting close to a century of accumulated history), and the "feel," are timeless---and I instantly feel as if I am not only "one" with the existence of this particular building and every person who has ever been inside of it...but with the planet, and with everyone who has ever lived on the planet as well.

Find your moments and then consciously re-experience them.

You also need to find new connections. My first suggestion would be animals (but this may be because this is one of the ways that work for ME).

You are you, unique among everyone who has ever lived, and (as we all do) you have to find YOUR unique connections...and you begin with the first thing that "feels" like it may be "right," you test it out...and then you go on from there. It may take a number of false starts, but as soon as you identify one, then it's just a matter of finding as many others as works for you.

YOUR genuine, unique to you, connections either exist, or they have the potential to exist...

...and once you identify them, you will thereafter be able to feel "connected" whenever that is what you need.

Every one of them makes life richer not only for you, but for everyone, and every creature, you interact with.

And none of this has a single thing to do with the LDS church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2015 02:42PM by tevai.

Meditate on how smart you are because you quit the CULT.

Find a way to connect with some people. That's what my wife misses the most--socializing. As previously suggested, you may want to try UU.

I could never. First of all, Mormonism is about racism, Laman cursed with a skin of darkness. So are they implying that everyone with a dark skin is cursed???? Blacks not having priesthood for 126 years. If you have even one drop of black blood, as per Bringham Young. I can't condone members, especially children being exposed to that ideology.

Trying to have a relationship with Mormons that generally feel SUPERIOR to everyone else, and being totally close minded to any logic or fact.

Singing the song , Praise to the man, that had sex with virtually any girl he was exposed to.

These things revolt me. I can't condone them, I just can't. And they are only friendly to get you enticed back into cultism, to drink koolaid with them.

I see right through the smiles, handshakes and white shirts and see people that have been taken advantage of, and then entice others to follow suit.

You're strong enough to find your way on your own.
You don't need to be spoon-fed false "community," false doctrine, and false "comfort" to get through tough times.
Look deep down, find your own strength, and draw on it.
Get boosted by *real* friends, if you need to, not the false ones in the church.

You can do this. You don't need them.

I had that moment, several years ago. I was sitting by my computer, and reading some stuff about J. Smith, and I realized I really wanted to go back to the safety and comfort of believing.

Then it hit me, I could not go back to what "had been". I had moved well past the time when I beleived anything J. Smith said and taught. I would be living a lie. I could not live with myself, knowing I was trying to live a lie.

I have not looked back once, since that moment. It was a relief to know I had made the final choice.

The question you need to ask yourself, can you live the LDS life style, knowing how much of it is based on lies.

Breakin' up is hard to do.

And leaving the church is like breaking up a relationship. When you first leave, you might be angry, or you might have just realized it wasn't going to work for you.

But maybe you miss some things about that significant other. You might start to remember, or even idealize the good times, or you might just be lonely. But usually, going back doesn't work. Because if you go back, you remember what bugged you about them in the first place.

My advice: think carefully about your reasons for leaving. If they were valid, and ultimately you want to leave, you'll have to go through a period of missing it before you can move on. Maybe find a way to fill that empty spot in your life. Maybe a new hobby, and sometimes even just learning to feel that loneliness, and a little more 'space' in your life before you fill it with something else. Because rebound relationships, even with churches, aren't a very good idea.

Go if you want to. It's your life and your choice. Maybe with perspective you'll see it more for what it is.

But develop your own social and emotional support system apart from the church. Don't go to church because it is the only support system you have. That's makes it a cult.

Try going museums, fine arts...or natural History museums with incredible fossils, paintings....

If it makes you feel any better, you can start sending your tithing to me. I wont provide details regarding how that is spent, but the blessings you will receive are priceless.

Find some rewards to treat yourself each day you survive to find a little peace or happiness outside of your former cult.

A favorite coffee at Starbucks?

A new bar of expensive soap?

A plant for your terrace or deck?

A favorite movie dvd?

A new ap or game?

A nice steak?

New socks or normal underwear?

Something cute for your pet?

A good book from the library.

New pencils in pretty colors with good erasers.

An ice cream bar.

Go to Sacrament Meeting. Every time I've gone since leaving the church, it's reminded me why I don't want to go back.

The longer you are out, the more bizarre it all seems.

If you are missing out on just religion in general, try going to different churches. I went to a Universalist church for a couple of years after quitting.

Try a few and see how they feel. You will get a better perspective on Mormonism and how religion fits into your life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2015 05:02PM by axeldc.

There is a great ex-mormon group on Meetup.com. I know it helped me immensely to have friends and acquaintances who were going through the same things as I was when I left the church.

It is a strange and scary feeling when you finally break free. It may take some time to find your footing in the real world, but once you do I think you will find that life is SO MUCH BETTER. Leaving the mormons was the best decision I have ever made. I haven't looked back.

Don't be afraid to reach out to those of us on the boards, or check out the ex-mormon meet-up group. I believe each Sunday they get together at a coffee shop to mingle and talk about different topics.

Would these talks or audio suggestions help?

Liked the talks at the exmormon foundaton conferences
http://exmormonfoundation.com

Especially Grant Palmers talk in 2012 " My Ah Ha Moments in Researching Mormon History "

http://exmormonfoundation.com/files/media/2012Conference/04-GrantPalmer.mp3


http://exmormonfoundation.com/audio2008.html
Talk by Steve Hassan
"Releasing The Bonds: Empowering People To Think For Themselves"

Or the YouTube NYTimes Interview with Hans Matteson
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WmGVb8TjoY4

Know someone who enjoyed taking community college courses in psychology and he also read a lot about some eastern religions.

How about Volunteering or Community college ?
YaleCourses
http://m.youtube.com/user/YaleCourses

I like listening to podcasts at national public radio:
www.npr.org/podcasts

Audio books: https://librivox.org

And Old Time Radio programs:
https://archive.org/details/oldtimeradio

Edit to add: when we left the church, we did not know who to trust among adult church members any longer. How can a person tell who is genuinely honest and not blindly judgemental?
Who were wearing a mask to hide sincere unbelief? Who were in TSCC for business or social status?

You may have some unresolved issues with the church or relationships with people in the church that is tugging at you.

I'd say if the desire is genuine, and deep seated, maybe you need to go back to see what it is that's drawing you there.

I did that after my parents died. And after returning and attending for several more years, it felt strained and like I was not really integrated at all even during my *peak* activity, after having been out of the church for many years.

The longer I attended, the more wrong it felt. There were some breaking points that resolved it for me once and for all. If I hadn't gone back, I wouldn't have reached the same conclusions.

I saw first hand how there was no room for questioning or doubts, or intellectual discussions. In the time I'd been out until returning, whatever questioning Mormon used to be was no more a part of the LDS religion.

I saw it for the superficial and shallow religion that it is.

And watched how the local leaders undermined parental authority, in my own family. That was really the last straw for me, was that one. The strife it caused between my daughter and myself is irreparable. I can never forgive the morg for that. For a church that preaches families are *forever,* all I can say is by its actions it does the exact opposite of what it preaches. And that makes it demonic in my opinion.

Whatever nostalgia drove me back into the clutches of the morg following my parents demise, I soon came to realize that it was finality I was finding, instead of answers to my search. The absolution I found wasn't there. It was in leaving again, and that time for GOOD. That's when I resigned officially, because I knew I was no longer an *inactive.* I was finally able to break free, and with a clear conscience that what I was doing was the right thing all along.

No more second guessing.

If you're second guessing, the only one who can talk you out of it is yourself. You need to understand what it is that is still unresolved for you.

:)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 08/18/2015 06:03PM by amyjo.

Talk you out of it? Even though you received some great input, that's not really what this board is about. This board is about exploring your personal freedom to do whatever is right for you, even if that means returning to full membership and all that is required of you.

But if you've been out for awhile, be warned. The acronym BYOB doesn't mean what it used to.

http://www.amazon.com/Casabella-Toilet-Brush-Holder-White/dp/B0041D7OSS/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1439934474&sr=8-3&keywords=toilet+brush

Heh.

To each his own. If you like it - do it.

Go church shopping. Try the ELCA Lutherans, the Episcopalians, the Methodists, the Presbyterians, and the UUs. All of these denominations will treat you better than Mormonism ever will. You can go for as long as you like before joining. No one will pressure you. They will not call you or sic church missionaries on you. You go for a church service that is about an hour long. There is no mandatory tithing nor any "callings." Who knows, you might like what you see!

Before I became LDS, I would attend a local ward in Lorain, Ohio on a semi-regular basis. Just dropped in. One Sunday the Bishop pulled me aside and said that if I wanted to continue to attend, I had to become a member! Otherwise I was not welcome. I guess that was before they put the "visitors welcome" sign on the buildings. Against the advice of my Methodist minister, I foolishly became a member. Left in 2001. Now an unabashed Episcopalian.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/19/2015 01:05AM by unabashed.

You need a new community. Try joining some exmo meetup groups. It does wonders to meet with others who have similar experiences with leaving the church. Try church shopping. You will be amazed how truly and sincerely caring so many are when compared to the LDS.

Just go back on Fast Sunday. That'll cure ya real fast.

Go Church shopping. Start in the middle with a Methodist service. It's simple and focused. If you want more ceremony and liturgy then go to an Episcopal service. If you want less, then try Presbyterian. If you want conservative then try a Catholic or Baptist service.

Go back for awhile. Maybe you just aren't sick of it enough yet.

Go to the Christmas Service and hear about Joseph Smith! Or even better, go to the LDS Easter Service.

ALL they want is your money, your time, and skills. I am sure they will have you indexing which is just free labor so they can sell your work for even more money.

This so called church is really all about passive-aggressive ambushing and extreme emotional manipulation so that you keep giving more and more receiving nothing in return except fake praise and fake social acceptance while in-cliques control everything at the local level until you have surrendered all your power and freedom.

The next thing you know you'll have some small town hick in the later years of his life interrogating you about your sex life.

Who's job is it to save you (from the oncoming storm of you swimming back into jaws) [from yourself]?

Make community by being community. Life isn't easy - on either side of the fence. Make a choice!

No advice here. Just listen to yourself.